Category: Self-Protection

• The Controller Love Style And FMTM Linkup

  

  With Thanksgiving in the U.S. a day away, it seems appropriate to discuss the many shades of a Controller “love style!” We wouldn’t be able to get through a true Thanksgiving meal or celebration without the “Control Freak” in somebody rising to the surface like a tasty batch of homemade rolls  . . . minus…

  BethSteffaniak

  November 22, 2016

  Abuse, Alienation, Anger, Change, Choices, Christ-Centered, Conflict, Control, Counseling, Emotions, From Messes to Messages Linkup, Pain, Parenthood, Prayer, Safety, Self-Protection, Stress, Support, Toxic Baggage, Trauma, Wounds

  Abuse, Anger, Conflict, Control, Counseling, Support, Wounds

• Vacillator ‘Love Style’ in Marriage Plus FMTM Linkup

  

  Should I post on the Vacillator today, or not? Um, sure . . . I think I will! No, wait a minute . . . definitely not! Well . . . maybe I should! Just a little sarcasm to get this “love style” train chugging down or perhaps backing up along the proverbial track! My…

  BethSteffaniak

  November 15, 2016

  Acceptance, Alienation, Anger, Balance, Change, Choices, Conflict, Control, Emotions, Expectations, Fear, From Messes to Messages Linkup, Perfectionism, Realistic Expectations, Self-Protection, Self-Reflection, Toxic Baggage, Wounds

  Anger, Conflict, Control, Emotions, Fear of Abandonment, Rejection, Vacillate

• Giving Up on Your Marriage?

  

  I started blogging (another blog) back in Feb. 2009, and have been blogging at Messy Marriage since October 2010, so it feels like quite a long journey in many ways. For the record . . . I’ve wanted to give up on this blogging endeavor many times! I’ve felt like it’s not worth it more…

  BethSteffaniak

  April 30, 2016

  About Me, Anger, Attitude, Blaming, Blogging, Change, Choices, Christ-Centered, Discouragement, Emotions, Encouragement, Expectations, Faith in God, False Beliefs, God’s Redemption, Love of God, Magical Thinking, Negative Self-Talk, Pain, Patience, Perseverance, Perspective, Proactive, Realistic Expectations, Resentments, Responsibility, Self-awareness, Self-deception, Self-Protection, Trust, Victim Mentality

  Change, Discouragement, Divorce, Faith in God, Patience, Perseverence, Seasons

• How Enabling Your Mate Controls ‘You’

  

  I want to discuss one more way that our mates can sometimes control us … through the ever-tempting avenue of enabling them. The reason I say this is “tempting” is probably because I feel this draw as a woman and mother perhaps a bit more than men generally do. Enabling actually springs up from a…

  BethSteffaniak

  January 30, 2016

  About Me, Acceptance, Anger, Balance, Boundaries, Change, Choices, Christ-Centered, Codependency, Confrontation, Control, Discouragement, Enabling, Faith in God, False Beliefs, Fear, Forgiveness, Negative Self-Talk, Negotiation, Pride, Realistic Expectations, Resentments, Responsibility, Self-Protection, Self-Reflection, Selfishness, Togetherness, Trust, Worry

  Balance, Confrontation, Control, Enabling, Fear, Negotiation, Responsibility, Worry

• A Wife’s Perspective on Men and Openness And WW Linkup!

  

  In a couple of weeks I will be diving into a series on “Men and Openness” that’s based upon a survey that I’ve been conducting for several months now. But today I want to approach this sticky subject from my own feminine and often skewed (probably due to Estrogen) perspective. 😉 [Tweet “My husband and…

  BethSteffaniak

  October 20, 2015

  About Me, Acceptance, Authenticity, Avoidance, Bonding, Change, Choices, Comfort, Communication, Conflict, Control, Differences, Emotions, Encouragement, Expectations, False Beliefs, Fear, Gender Differences, Intimacy, Men and Openness Series, Negative Self-Talk, Negotiation, Perspective, Priorities, Proactive, Realistic Expectations, Self-Protection, Togetherness, Truth, Validation, Vulnerability, Wedded Wednesday

  Barriers, Communication, Conflict, Conversation Skills, Emotions, False Beliefs, Gender Differences, Openness, Vulnerability

• Plank Hunting – Shoot Down Your Excuses And WW Linkup

  

  When I was about 11 years old, my mother did not ask me to help with getting the table set or cleaning up after a meal. I remember feeling guilty whenever I saw my older sister helping my mom with those tasks. Finally, my mom woke up to the fact that I was indeed old…

  BethSteffaniak

  September 1, 2015

  Change, Choices, Confessional Culture, False Beliefs, Fear, Guilt, Pain, Plank Hunt Series, Self-Protection, Self-Reflection, Spiritual Growth, Survey, Truth, Wedded Wednesday

  Barriers, Character Flaws, Confession, Growth, Guilt, Pain, Self-examination, Shame, Truth

• Can I read your mind? SJT Video

  

  Today I’m sharing a “Sloppy Joe Time” video that hits close to home because I put this sloppy expectation into action just a week or so ago. Honestly, I don’t think there will be a day when I won’t have to clean up some mess that I make in my marriage! 😉 I am a…

  BethSteffaniak

  August 16, 2015

  About Me, Blaming, Boundaries, Communication, Confession, Confessional Culture, Criticism, Denial, Discouragement, Emotions, Entitlement, Expectations, False Beliefs, Fear, Humility, Insecurity, Negative Self-Talk, Pride, Realistic Expectations, Respect, Self-Protection, Self-Reflection, Selfishness, Sloppy Joe Time Video, Video, Vulnerability

  Assumptions, Boundaries, Communication, False Beliefs, Insecurity, Lies, Mind-Reading, Respect, Vulnerability

• What shows you respect? SJT Video

  

  It’s never easy to show respect when we don’t see “eye-to-eye” with our mates. I must admit that respecting and submitting to my husband has been especially challenging for me in times of conflict. Thankfully, I’ve discovered three faulty beliefs that I’ve embraced about respect. Now whenever I notice these beliefs cropping up and I…

  BethSteffaniak

  August 1, 2015

  Acceptance, Choices, Christ-Centered, Communication, Faith in God, False Beliefs, Listening Skills, Negative Self-Talk, Patience, Positive Focus, Respect, Self-Protection, Self-sacrifice, Sloppy Joe Time Video, Submission, Trust, Video

  Acceptance, Active Listening, Communication, Faith in God, Patience, Respect, Submission, Trust

• Peacemaker or Peacekeeper? And WW Linkup

  

  Since my post last week encouraged the extending of grace to our mates, I felt it was important to explain the difference between giving grace (peacemaking) and enabling unhealthy behavior (peacekeeping). After all … [Tweet ” Enabling and extending grace are two very different things that often get mistaken for each other.”] I’ve provided a…

  BethSteffaniak

  July 7, 2015

  Acceptance, Anger, Avoidance, Boundaries, Codependency, Communication, Confessional Culture, Conflict, Confrontation, Control, Counseling, Enabling, Friendship, Grace, Positive Focus, Prayer, Resentments, Self-Protection, Wedded Wednesday

  Communication, Conflict, Confrontation, Enabling, Forgiveness, Grace

• Covering for My Spouse and WW Linkup

  

  I think there’s just something in the DNA of every human being that tries to cover up vulnerabilities and weaknesses that we see in ourselves. Believe me, I know what I’m talking about, because that describes me much more than I’d like to admit! However, I think this pattern started way back in the Garden…

  BethSteffaniak

  June 30, 2015

  Acceptance, Anger, Attitude, Blaming, Choices, Christ-Centered, Confession, Confessional Culture, Confrontation, Faith in God, Forgiveness, Grace, Jesus’ Sacrifice, Love of God, Negative Self-Talk, Perseverance, Perspective, Positive Focus, Self-Protection, Self-sacrifice, Shame, Vulnerability, Wedded Wednesday, Wounds

  Blame, Forgiveness, Positive Focus, Shame, Vulnerability