Category: Magical Thinking
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Asking For Too Much Conversation in Marriage?
Let’s face it. There are major differences between men and women, but none more obvious than in the desire for conversation. There’s a drastic difference in the amount of communication women typically use on any given day versus men. Studies have actually been done on this that reveal how women use approximately 20,000 words per day,…
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How Suffering Can Improve Your Marriage and Life
Back when I entered marriage many years ago, I was young, naïve and totally idealistic. I thought that marriage would fulfill the longings in my heart that had been bubbling up all throughout my childhood and teen years. Naturally, I was far too familiar with the fairytale endings that Disney churned out, and was equally…
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Are You Making Your Spouse Your savior?
I had a very messy marriage back in the day, and this was directly related to an even messier view of my identity. My lagging sense of self worth set me up for pursuing my husband as my savior, instead of pursuing my Savior as my Savior. Oh sure, I’d received Christ as my Savior…
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Giving Up on Your Marriage?
I started blogging (another blog) back in Feb. 2009, and have been blogging at Messy Marriage since October 2010, so it feels like quite a long journey in many ways. For the record . . . I’ve wanted to give up on this blogging endeavor many times! I’ve felt like it’s not worth it more…
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‘Fix’-ated on Changing Your Mate?
Today we continue to unpack the many subtle ways our spouses can control us by talking today about the temptation to try to “fix” or change our spouse because he/she doesn’t do his/her part or do it correctly. This is very similar to the victim-mentality post I wrote about recently, but the emphasis is on…
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The Allure of the Illegitimate in Marriage
Today I’m continuing to unpack another way we can let our spouses control us with – “Choosing to have an affair or to look at pornography because you believe you’ve been deprived of ‘whatever’ in your marriage.” I have a sneaking suspicion that the spouses who need this message the most are not going to…
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10 Things You Won’t See Me Post on Facebook
The holidays can be a really depressing time for many people and hard on many marriages. Not only are issues related to grief heightened at holiday times, but the stress and expectations level is usually higher than any other time of year. But what I think makes matters worse is the impact of Facebook. Don’t…
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Lord, why aren’t You answering? SJT Video
I’m finally back today after much vacationing and celebrating of my son’s wedding—not to mention, technical/computer issues bogging me down—with yet another “Sloppy Joe Time.” Thanks so much for your patience with me in this! Today I’m delving into a sloppy expectation I had with God in regards to my husband and my painful, messy…
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Can you read my mind? Video
Today I’m laying out another sloppy expectation that revealed a heaping helping of my “magical thinking” and irrational idealism back in the day! At the time, I simply thought it was an effective way to communicate my frustration and get my husband to “hop to it!” This was something that I had seen my mother do, so…
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Desperate Marriage Myth #3 – Only Have 2 Options
The third myth in our Desperate Marriages series is – I have only two options, resigning myself to a life of misery or getting out of the marriage. This myth hangs on the coattails of last week’s post, Desperate Marriage Myth #2, People Cannot Change. Since you’ve determined that you and/or your spouse cannot change,…
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