Can you read my mind? Video

Today I’m laying out another sloppy expectation that revealed a heaping helping of my “magical thinking” and irrational idealism back in the day! At the time, I simply thought it was an effective way to communicate my frustration and get my husband to “hop to it!”

This was something that I had seen my mother do, so it seemed like, not only a good idea, but a time-tested strategy! Why mess with generational success, right? I guess it depends on what you call “success” … because in this case it was more of a “successful mess-full!” Check it out for yourself!

Can you identify?

What are some ways that you expect too much from your spouse?

What have you done to change that sloppy expectation?

Linking up with – Marriage Mondays, Making Your Home Sing Monday, Unforced Rhythms, Sunday Stillness, Sharing His Beauty and Playdates with God

BethSteffaniak

November 9, 2014

Anger, Blaming, Communication, Conflict, False Beliefs, Guilt, Magical Thinking, Realistic Expectations, Sloppy Joe Time Video, Victim Mentality

Communication, Conflict, False Beliefs, Guilt, Realistic Expectations, Unrealistic Expectations

9 responses to “Can you read my mind? Video”

Linda

November 9, 2014 at 3:47 pm

Love this, girl!

Stomping, cabinet slamming, the silent treatment. How ’bout the deep exasperated sighing that often accompanies this great behavior? Oh yeah. Been there, done that.

But as I tell my own clients, our spouses don’t have a crystal ball. Why do we think they just automatically know our deepest innermost thoughts. Really?

Want something, need something, have something to say? It’s time for grace and truth.

And I’d like to think that the next generation does better than ours and our parents’ at both spouses being partners in the kitchen … or anywhere else the work needs to be done.

How come these videos keep getting better and better?

;-}

Have a great week, friend …

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1. Beth
  
  November 9, 2014 at 7:00 pm
  
  You are so sweet, Linda! I look forward to your thoughts on the videos each week! I’m really enjoying this new venture. I was afraid to try it, though I’ve often thought about doing it for a year or two now. It took the painful shoulder and wrist I had back in September to get me moving into new territory! Here’s to God using even a sore shoulder/arm to get me to move out of my comfort zone!
  
  I also hope that our children and our children’s children will learn to be respectfully assertive when they need to be! Love ya, friend!
  
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Andrew Budek-Schmeisser

November 10, 2014 at 8:38 am

Too ill to say much, but this is important. Please pardon if my writing is choppy.

I try not to let my wife read my mind, because illness and adversity have led me to wonder what my thoughts and emotions really mean – whether they have any lasting validity. If not, no point in expressing them; only actions can affect and inform. See James, the epistle Martin Luther called ‘inconvenient’.

Another thing -the harder life becomes, the more “I can hack it” becomes operative. Ask for help and it’s a step away from independence. Don’t know if I’ll need that help tomorrow. Don’t want it.

Insulting to wife. She wants to help, does not need my pride. Is not impressed. Wants to read my mind. Pride a barrier I put up.

Stopping now, could someone take this further? I cant.

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1. Beth
  
  November 10, 2014 at 12:15 pm
  
  There’s so much about your situation that precludes working on my advice in your life and marriage, Andrew. I do hope that isn’t a stinging reality for you every time you visit. And I totally get the fact that asking for help might feel especially hard and like your independence is up for grabs. I’d want to keep my independence as long as I could if I were in your shoes. I know that because I do that even now. And that’s something I didn’t really examine in this video. Much of my problem is not wanting to ask for help. Yes, that’s pride, plain and simple. And I have no good reasons for remaining in that place! Oh my, how these videos have continued to open my eyes. I was just telling my husband about that the other day. Thanks for always igniting something thought-provoking, my friend!
  
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Kim Adams Morgan

November 10, 2014 at 10:12 am

Beth, I remember some of my stomping and cabinet slamming days. It is funny that we go with what we know (what our parents did) until we find a more effective way of communicating. We make a point of talking with our daughter often now on communication in relationships, swallowing pride, letting the Lord lead you, etc. Her significant other has taken a notice in this and said he wished his parents talked with him about this. We visited them not too long ago and the Lord led us to leave little love notes for her to find as time went by. One was for relationships and specifically for him – how to be a wise and godly man. I was recently told that he has kept this and refers to it often. So grateful God spoke to me to do this for them.

This wisdom you are providing is priceless, Beth. Keep it up. So many do not have someone to provide this direction and feel like their problems are unsolvable. Blessings, friend.

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1. Beth
  
  November 10, 2014 at 12:21 pm
  
  You too, Kim?! I’m so glad I’m not the only cabinet-slamming wife! And I agree that little did we know we were bringing the weaknesses our parents had into our marriages. And to me, it seems like something you can’t really warn young wives about because it has to be learned in the “school of hard knocks.” At least I think that was the case for me. What a great mom you are as well! I try to talk to my sons about things like this. I have two out of three that listen respectfully and my oldest even comes to me with questions! Imagine that! But my middle son is probably struggling with his emerging adult identity and isn’t as open to hearing what “mom has to say!” ha! But back to you and your daughter’s “significant other.” It sounds as if you are meeting a huge need in his life. God always has a plan to meet our needs even if that plan comes from “out of left field!” 😉 Hugs to you, sweet friend!
  
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Jenny

November 11, 2014 at 1:11 am

I think many stay at home moms think when their husband walks in the door it’s “his turn” to take care of the kids. We think we deserve the break since we’ve been with them all day long. We discount the fact though that our husband has been with an unjust boss or derelict coworkers. He may need some time just like we do.

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Adelaide

November 11, 2014 at 2:37 pm

God has been so faithful to give me the husband I need… to help me learn patience, grace, love, submission etc. I really appreciate how you got to the root of the reason we don’t ask for help. I can still keep my proud ‘gotitalltogether’ when he offers to help… if I ask, I’ve failed. Obviously wrong thinking and I’m kinda stunned you could read my mind even though I couldn’t:) Thank you for the great food for thought!

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Marie

November 21, 2014 at 8:59 pm

Hi Beth, I love this! I cannot tell you how many times I’ve thought Steve should know exactly what I was thinking! It’s been a long journey, but I’m learning to be gracious and to “use my words” when I need help. It’s a lot less messy asking for help than stomping around or slamming cabinet doors!

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