Category: Victim Mentality

• How Trying to be the Good Spouse Can be a Bad Idea

  

  Years ago there was a popular show called “The Good Wife” that showcased the dynamic that often develops when one spouse’s character and actions are strikingly better than the other. Oddly enough, this kind of imbalance happens a lot in marriage. It’s as if the nurturing and dutiful wife (or husband) feels drawn into a romantic relationship […]

  BethSteffaniak

  June 28, 2020

  Blaming, Change, Christ-Centered, Discouragement, Expectations, Faith in God, Perfectionism, Surrender, Victim Mentality, Wedded Wednesday

  Acceptance, Bad Behavior, Bible, Good Wife, Marriage, Responsibility, Sin, Spouse, Truth, Victim Mentality, Wife

• 3 Red Flags that Point to a Martyr Mother-In-Law

  

  This is a revised republishing of a vintage and super popular post I did years ago. I’m bringing it out of the vault today revamped and hopefully a bit more robust in the ways it can help you if you’re facing this difficult situation. You’ve probably seen her type. Outwardly, she’s as sacrificial and sweet […]

  BethSteffaniak

  June 14, 2020

  Anger, Blaming, Boundaries, Codependency, Communication, Conflict, Criticism, In-Laws, Insecurity, Marriage, Marriage Monday, Motherhood, Negotiation, Parenthood, Prayer, Realistic Expectations, Unity, Victim Mentality

  Boundaries, Communication, Conflict, Dysfunction, Marriage, mother, Mother-in-Law, Motherhood, parent, Relationship

• How to Forgive the Past and Move Forward in Your Marriage

  

  Today, I’m excited to introduce to you my next guest blogger in the “Spring Clean Your Marriage” series—Julie Loos. She’s sharing about how subtle and destructive ruminating on our mates’ failures and limitations can be to our marriages. Be sure to check out her bio below, as well as making her feel welcome by commenting […]

  BethSteffaniak

  June 2, 2019

  Acceptance, Alienation, Amends, Anger, Attitude, Bad Habits, Blaming, Boundaries, Christ-Centered, Communication, Counseling, Discouragement, Emotions, Encouragement, Expectations, Forgiveness, Humility, Marriage, Nagging, Negative Self-Talk, Pain, Positive Focus, Pride, Resentments, Self-awareness, Spiritual Growth, Spring Clean Your Marriage, Victim Mentality, Wounds

  Anger, Bitterness, Conflict, Counseling, Faith in God, Forgive, Forgiveness, Humble, Pouting, Pride, Prideful, Ruminating

• 6 Lessons that Motivate Me to Forgive My Mate

  

  I’ve always struggled to let go of offenses and forgive my husband from the heart. In the moment it feels like God needs my help to point out my spouse’s sin or at least to stop it from happening again. When I give in to that thinking it mushrooms. I feel like I need to […]

  BethSteffaniak

  September 23, 2018

  About Me, Acceptance, Alienation, Anger, Blaming, Choices, Christ-Centered, Confession, Conflict, Control, Denial, Emotions, Entitlement, Expectations, False Beliefs, Forgiveness, God’s Redemption, Grace, Lessons Learned in Marriage, Marriage, Marriage Mistakes, Negative Self-Talk, Perspective, Positive Focus, Prayer, Pride, Realistic Expectations, Resentments, Responsibility, Self-deception, Self-Protection, Spiritual Growth, Spiritual Practices, Surrender, Victim Mentality, Wounds

  Anger, Bitterness, Christ’s Forgiveness, Forgive, Forgiveness, Realistic Expectations, Redemption, Surrender, Trust in God, Wounds

• 5 Battle Tools to Help in Hard Moments

  

  I’m excited to have a guest blogger and author, Kelly Balarie, with me today! I’m honored to be on the launch team of her latest book, Battle Ready, that is available starting today, July 3, 2018. (You can find the link to her book on Amazon by clicking on the book cover below.) Kelly offers such […]

  BethSteffaniak

  July 3, 2018

  Attitude, Bad Habits, Choices, Christ-Centered, Deception, Discouragement, Encouragement, Faith in God, False Beliefs, Identity, Insecurity, Negative Self-Talk, Perfectionism, Perspective, Positive Focus, Prayer, Realistic Expectations, Self-awareness, Self-deception, Spiritual Growth, Spiritual Warfare, Truth, Victim Mentality, Wounds

  Faith in God, Fear, Insecurity, Perfectionism, Prayer, Rejection, Satan, Spiritual Tools, Spiritual Warfare

• 4 Reasons God Does NOT Want You to Marry Your Soulmate

  

  I remember a time when I questioned almost daily whether I had married the right man or my “soulmate.” I had fallen for the perverted cultural mindset that marriage should be all about me, and making my life better … even easier. So whenever my marriage hurt more than it encouraged me, I swallowed the […]

  BethSteffaniak

  January 21, 2018

  About Me, Acceptance, Christ-Centered, Deception, Desires, Discouragement, Encouragement, Entitlement, Expectations, Faith in God, False Beliefs, God’s Redemption, Love of God, Marriage, Marriage Mistakes, Negative Self-Talk, Pain, Positive Focus, Prayer, Realistic Expectations, Redemption, Self-awareness, Self-deception, Self-Reflection, Selfishness, Spiritual Growth, Surrender, Victim Mentality

  Faith in God, God’s Redemption, God’s Refinement, Love of God, Mystery of Marriage, Reflect Christ, Spiritual Growth

• The ABC’s of How to Forgive a Spouse And Linkup

  

  One of the gusty winds people often feel in marriage has to do with a heart growing cold out of a need to forgive a mate. I was there in that frigid place many years ago and still find myself tempted to return to that icy and unforgiving place whenever my husband hurts me. Because […]

  BethSteffaniak

  August 29, 2017

  Acceptance, Anger, Back to School Series, Change, Choices, Christ-Centered, Conflict, Discouragement, Emotions, Encouragement, Faith in God, Forgiveness, From Messes to Messages Linkup, God’s Redemption, Jesus’ Sacrifice, Love of God, Marriage, Pain, Perspective, Positive Focus, Prayer, Redemption, Resentments, Self-awareness, Self-Reflection, Self-sacrifice, Truth, Victim Mentality, Wounds

  Acceptance, Brokenness, Forgiveness, Prayer

• The Cure for ‘Pity-Pot’ Prayers to Gain Perspective in Marriage

  

  I’m continuing in my series: “Back to School—7 Lessons on Learning to Love Well When the Winds of Marriage Grow Colder”—by talking today about lesson #2 on “Writing.” Be advised: this isn’t just writing for the sake of improving our penmanship or literary skills. It is all about a valuable marriage tool available to us […]

  BethSteffaniak

  August 15, 2017

  About Me, Acceptance, Anger, Attitude, Back to School Series, Change, Choices, Christ-Centered, Confession, Denial, Discouragement, Encouragement, Faith in God, False Beliefs, From Messes to Messages Linkup, Marriage, Perspective, Positive Focus, Prayer, Pride, Resentments, Self-awareness, Self-deception, Self-Reflection, Spiritual Growth, Spiritual Practices, Victim Mentality

  Conviction, Denial, Discouragement, Encouragement, Journal, Prayer, Spiritual Growth, Spiritual Practices, Truth

• Are You Making Your Spouse Your savior?

  

  I had a very messy marriage back in the day, and this was directly related to an even messier view of my identity. My lagging sense of self worth set me up for pursuing my husband as my savior, instead of pursuing my Savior as my Savior. Oh sure, I’d received Christ as my Savior […]

  BethSteffaniak

  May 25, 2017

  About Me, Change, Choices, Christ-Centered, False Beliefs, Magical Thinking, Marriage, Marriage Mistakes, Priorities, Self-deception, Self-Reflection, Surrender, Victim Mentality

  Idol, Idolatry, Love of God, Realistic Expectations, Savior, Self-worth, Worth

• Victim Love Style in Marriage And FMTM Linkup

  

  Here at Messy Marriage, I’ve talked about a “Victim Mentality” a lot over the years, but this isn’t necessarily what I’m talking about today. A victim mentality can develop in any person’s life regardless of their love style. A victim mentality is a fixation on a real or supposed victimizer in one’s life, feeling helpless […]

  BethSteffaniak

  November 29, 2016

  Abuse, Accountability, Addictions, Change, Choices, Christ-Centered, Codependency, Conflict, Emotions, Fear, From Messes to Messages Linkup, Openness, Pain, Parenthood, Prayer, Self-deception, Self-Protection, Toxic Baggage, Victim, Victim Mentality, Vulnerability, Withdrawal, Wounds

  Abuse, Addictions, Anxiety, Avoidance, Compliant, Detached, Fears, Prayer, Prayer journaling, Secrets, Victim, Vulnerability