4 Reasons God Does NOT Want You to Marry Your Soulmate

God's Best Does Not Include Marriage to My Soulmate

I remember a time when I questioned almost daily whether I had married the right man or my “soulmate.” I had fallen for the perverted cultural mindset that marriage should be all about me, and making my life better … even easier.

So whenever my marriage hurt more than it encouraged me, I swallowed the lie that I must have married the wrong person.

God's Best Does Not Include Marriage to My Soulmate

Now before I launch into what I’m about to say, I want to clarify that I’m talking about the drudgery and difficulty of two sinners (even saved ones) mingling their lives together. Most of all, I am NOT talking about enduring abuse and/or infidelity in marriage.

I’ll be sharing in a future post what I consider to be warning signs that abuse and/or infidelity are taking place; but for now, I’m talking about the disillusionment that occurs along the way in just about every marriage.

I’m also talking specifically about spouses who are Christ-followers and not about unbelieving spouses. Christ-followers have a different God-given mandate and calling on their lives, so they will never find peace as long as they put their personal desires above God’s.

Back in the day, my fulfillment in life and marriage fluctuated and floundered, that was, until I uncovered the reasons why God never intended or wanted me to be married to my soulmate. Which, by the way, is another lie, since there is no such thing as a soulmate!

[bctt tweet=”Sorry to burst your bubble, if that’s what you’ve believed all along! #nosuchthing #soulmatefantasy” username=”BethSteffaniak”]

Here are 4 reasons why God doesn’t want that for our marriages:

So that you will be …

1. Refined

You might be thinking, “Really? Am I supposed to be glad about that?” 😉

Well, yes! Yes, we should …

Because being married to our real flesh and blood, sinful—not to mention, difficult—spouses, guarantees that we will struggle with their, as well as our own sinfulness and limitations. And THAT is where God, the Great Redeemer and Refiner, does some of His best work (James 1:2-4)!

Unfortunately, I learned this the hard way by kicking and screaming all the way to the altar. But once I came to the end of myself—surrendering my self-sufficiency and unrealistic expectations to the Lord—I experienced God’s rejuvenation and joy in marriage. None of that could have happened without God’s refinement of my heart.

2. Strengthened in your faith

My faith was weak and flabby in the early and messiest years of my marriage. It wasn’t until I abandoned my hopes for some easy-to-live-with-spouse and ditched my dreams of a one-heartbeat-kind-of-marriage that I found what I was hoping for—satisfaction in Christ alone. The result? Stronger faith (2 Cor. 1:8-9).

3. Reflect Christ

As a Christ-follower, God was busy using my discontentment in marriage to draw me back to His side. It was then and there that I could become the best version reflection of Christ in me (Philippians 2:15). Until I was ready to die to my own desires so that Christ could live in and through me, I would remain disappointed in marriage and dim in the light of Christ.

4. Modeling the Mystery of Christ’s Love to the World

No one loves a good mystery more than me, and it seems like this is true of God as well. Now, even though God wants us to enjoy our marriages, He’s got a much higher purpose behind the believer’s marriage. This mystery is outlined in Ephesians 5: 22-33, with the most striking evidence being …

“‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.’ This mystery is profound, but I am speaking about Christ and the church.” ~Eph. 5:31-32

When we continue to act in loving ways with our mates, especially when they act unloving in return, Christ gets the glory and attention for that success. This “odd love” that a believing spouse demonstrates draws the world to Christ’s mysterious, foreign, and divine love for the church. And who doesn’t want to play a part in that Love Story?

[bctt tweet=”Marriage is God’s mystery—drawing the world to the love of Christ! Ephesians 5:31-32 #beTHATkindofspouse” username=”BethSteffaniak”]

Myth of Soulmate

In what way has God used one of these four benefits in your life and marriage?


What has been the hardest reality for you to accept about the difficulty of marriage?


Here are some lovely linkups I join – Inspire Me MondayMoments of HopeLiterary Musing MondaysDream Together LinkupJennifer Dukes LeeGlimpses LinkupTune in ThursdayBreak Through Homeschooling LinkupCoffee for Your HeartSitting Among FriendsFaith and FriendsFresh Market Friday, and DanceWithJesusFriday


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23 responses to “4 Reasons God Does NOT Want You to Marry Your Soulmate”

  1. Andrew Budek-Schmeisser Avatar
    Andrew Budek-Schmeisser

    You’ve got a soulmate. His name is Jesus.

    Not well enough say more, not sure I need to.



    1. Yes! Exactly right! Thank you, Andrew! 🙂


    2. Yes! So true, Andrew! I didn’t exactly say this but believe it 100%! I hope you are hanging in there! Your blog is awfully quiet. I’ll be checking on you at your place on Thursday, since I think that’s when you post most often. You’re in my prayers every day, my friend!


  2. Fabulous post, Beth. So encouraging. Shared in three places!


    1. Thank you for the encouraging words and actions by sharing around the internet. Always great to have you visit, Sarah!


  3. Love this…and agree totally! God gave us wisdom and freedom to choose a good spouse. Within that marriage He molds, strengthens, and changes us through the challenges. The thought that God intended someone else for us is so damaging and can wreck a marriage. Thanks for tearing down this lie!


    1. Yes, and, I might add, even and especially when we choose a not-so-good-spouse, God uses that for our benefit and refinement as well. I know you know that, Amy, but wanted to state it for the record! ha! Thanks for stopping by and encouraging me, friend!


  4. This is so great and so necessary as many marriage have been wrecked by this lie. No marriage is intended to bear the weight of all our misguided hopes and dreams.


    1. Yes, they have, Michele. I see it all the time as a pastor’s wife and life-coach. I love the way you say that: “No marriage can bear this weight …” Only Christ has broad and strong enough shoulders. Thanks for coming by and joining the conversation, friend!


  5. This is great post 🙂 Fantasy movies skew our understanding that marriage means it is all love and romance. Marriage is the coming together of two flawed humans who are loved by an everlasting God, and therefore love each other in the ups and downs.


    1. Yes, movies do contribute, but I think we, as a culture, cannot put this off solely on Hollywood. I, for one, want to call it like it is, Diana. I love what you’ve said about marriage. So true and so eloquent! Thanks for stopping by and encouraging me!


  6. What a great post, Beth!

    This concept of a “soul-mate” marriage combined with “true love conquers all” approach to conflict resolution are what I’ve begun referring to as “The Gospel According to Walt Disney.”

    I am, in fact, married to my soul-mate. As a part of the Bride of Christ, He is my soul-mate…and none other.

    Thanks for sharing!


    1. Ha! Yes, so funny and tragically true, Joe! But this isn’t just Walt Disney’s fault. There are so many production companies, marketers and, quite frankly, people who share the blame for spreading this lie. So I’m determined to make sure the friends in my sphere of influence get the memo! 😉

      Yes, yes you are, Joe! And so am I! Mind-blowing love and position to and through Christ! Thanks for stopping by, as well as adding your wit and wisdom to the conversation!


  7. Great insights! I’ve also heard similar to what you shared about there not being a true soul mate with the phrase, “you complete me”.

    Only God can “complete us” and He is our true “soul mate”.

    Thanks for sharing.


    1. Yes, I’ve done a post on that little catchy phrase in the past, Karen. It’s got a “heart-tugging” quality to it, but it really tears our hearts away from the truth! Thanks for adding that insight to the conversation and for encouraging me, my friend!


  8. I agree. Sadly, Hollywood promotes the idea of soulmates and leads people astray. Thank you so much, Beth. Blessings to you and yours!


    1. Yes, Hollywood and our culture have embraced and promoted this lie for far too long, Mari-Anna. Thanks for stopping by and joining the conversation, my friend!


  9. Emily Saxe | To Unearth Avatar
    Emily Saxe | To Unearth

    What a great post! I completely agree – while I wouldn’t want to be married to anyone but my husband, it would bring only trouble on our marriage if I held him up to the standard that only Christ can fill!


    1. Thank you, Emily! I love the way you say both that you wouldn’t want to be married to anyone but your husband, and also that it causes trouble to hold him up to Christ’s standard. That’s really what we are doing when we fall for this lie! How harsh that is to them, as well as to our own encouragement in the Lord. Thanks for joining the conversation, my newfound friend!


  10. I can relate to all of these and am glad I don’t have a “soul mate.” That would probably be boring!


  11. Interesting take on it, I believe there could be better examples of marriages in television and movies, but hoping there is a Mr. or Miss right and waitng for God’s help in choosing is still not a bad idea.


  12. […] 4 Reasons God Does NOT Want You to Marry Your Soulmate […]


  13. I am learning,looking forward to get married some day.


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