Category: Conflict

• How ‘Stranger Things’ is like the ‘Fine Art’ of Listening (& Linkup)

  

  My husband and I have been watching the Netflix series “Stranger Things” lately, and I see a metaphor in that show that perfectly illustrates the “Fine Art” of listening. What is it? Well, let me lay some groundwork before I reveal that answer. There’s no hiding the fact that my husband and I have had some…

  BethSteffaniak

  September 19, 2017

  Alienation, Anger, Attitude, Back to School Series, Choices, Communication, Conflict, Connection, Conversation, Emotions, Empathy, Encouragement, From Messes to Messages Linkup, Listening Skills, Marriage, Openness, Positive Focus, Self-sacrifice, Validation, Withdrawal

  Anger, Communication, Conflict, Connection, Conversation, Empathy, Listening, Questions, Validation

• The ABC’s of How to Forgive a Spouse And Linkup

  

  One of the gusty winds people often feel in marriage has to do with a heart growing cold out of a need to forgive a mate. I was there in that frigid place many years ago and still find myself tempted to return to that icy and unforgiving place whenever my husband hurts me. Because…

  BethSteffaniak

  August 29, 2017

  Acceptance, Anger, Back to School Series, Change, Choices, Christ-Centered, Conflict, Discouragement, Emotions, Encouragement, Faith in God, Forgiveness, From Messes to Messages Linkup, God’s Redemption, Jesus’ Sacrifice, Love of God, Marriage, Pain, Perspective, Positive Focus, Prayer, Redemption, Resentments, Self-awareness, Self-Reflection, Self-sacrifice, Truth, Victim Mentality, Wounds

  Acceptance, Brokenness, Forgiveness, Prayer

• Stage Two of Confronting a Spouse And Linkup!

  

  In marriage, a lot of couples are able to work through at least a minor to moderate-level conflict without the help of a third or fourth party. 😉  In fact, there’s even advice from Scripture that says outside parties should steer clear of a conflict that is not their own! #dogbite “Interfering in someone else’s…

  BethSteffaniak

  May 16, 2017

  Accountability, Attitude, Boundaries, Change, Choices, Christ-Centered, Communication, Conflict, Confrontation, Confronting With Grace, Counseling, From Messes to Messages Linkup, Many Faces of Grace, Marriage, Negotiation, Perseverance, Positive Focus, Prayer, Proactive, Respect, Support

  Communication, Conflict, Confrontation, Counseling, Prayer, Support

• First Step to Confront with Grace – And Linkup

  

  Last week I introduced the idea that “grace” is not only shown when we overlook an offense, or even when we hold our tongue and patiently pray for God to convict the other party, but it’s also shown when we confront our offender. But how can that be considered “grace”—to confront someone? Doesn’t that sound…

  BethSteffaniak

  May 9, 2017

  Accountability, Alienation, Anger, Authenticity, Betrayal, Boundaries, Change, Christ-Centered, Communication, Conflict, Confrontation, Confronting With Grace, Enabling, From Messes to Messages Linkup, Grace, Love of God, Many Faces of Grace, Marriage, Openness, Realistic Expectations, Spiritual Practices, Truth, Vulnerability, Wounds

  Boundaries, Conflict, Confrontation, Conversation, Faith in God, Prayer, Reconciliation

• How Long Should I Extend Grace in Marriage? And Linkup

  

  I ended last week’s post in the series, The Many Faces of Grace, with this question: When is it unhealthy or “enabling” to overlook an insult or sin in my spouse (or other offender)? I think the questions to consider in this kind of situation are: Is it destructive to one or more relationships? (Creating…

  BethSteffaniak

  May 2, 2017

  Acceptance, Change, Choices, Christ-Centered, Conflict, Confrontation, Encouragement, Expectations, Faith in God, From Messes to Messages Linkup, Grace, Humility, Love of God, Many Faces of Grace, Patience, Perseverance, Positive Focus, Prayer, Proactive, Resentments, Salvation, Self-sacrifice, Spiritual Growth, Spiritual Practices, Spiritual Warfare, Surrender

  Expectations, Grace, Hurt, Offense, Patience, Prayer, Proactive, Salvation, Surrender, Trust God, Waiting

• What Extending Grace Looks like in Marriage – Plus Linkup

  

  One of the things that has often confounded me is, when do I extend grace? Is it all the time? And what does grace even look like, especially in marriage? I think of grace like forgiveness—letting something go. After all, the Lord certainly has let go of the need to punish me for my sin—dying…

  BethSteffaniak

  April 25, 2017

  About Me, Acceptance, Anger, Attitude, Avoidance, Choices, Christ-Centered, Conflict, Confrontation, Encouragement, Faith in God, False Beliefs, Fear, From Messes to Messages Linkup, Grace, Humility, Many Faces of Grace, Marriage Mistakes, Openness, Positive Focus, Prayer, Pride, Realistic Expectations, Resentments, Spiritual Practices, Surrender, Trust, Truth

  Acceptance, Conflict, Forgiveness, Grace, Humility, Surrender, Trust God

• Getting Your Spouse to Open Up – Part Two (Video)

  

  Today I’m talking about the second half of the process that will encourage your spouse to open up and engage with you in conversation. I feel like this should be a process that is built brick by brick—keeping each brick in place as the foundation of trust in your marriage is built, perhaps for the…

  BethSteffaniak

  December 4, 2016

  Acceptance, Accountability, Affirmation, Alienation, Amends, Apologies, Attitude, Avoidance, Change, Choices, Christ-Centered, Communication, Confession, Conflict, Confrontation, Conversation, Discouragement, Emotions, Encouragement, Engagement, Listening Skills, Marriage, Openness, Perspective, Positive Focus, Prayer, Questioning Marriage Videos, Realistic Expectations, Self-Reflection, Validation, Video, Vulnerability

  Accountability, Affirmation, Communication, Conversation, Listening, Listening Skills, Openness, Prayer, Vulnerability

• Victim Love Style in Marriage And FMTM Linkup

  

  Here at Messy Marriage, I’ve talked about a “Victim Mentality” a lot over the years, but this isn’t necessarily what I’m talking about today. A victim mentality can develop in any person’s life regardless of their love style. A victim mentality is a fixation on a real or supposed victimizer in one’s life, feeling helpless…

  BethSteffaniak

  November 29, 2016

  Abuse, Accountability, Addictions, Change, Choices, Christ-Centered, Codependency, Conflict, Emotions, Fear, From Messes to Messages Linkup, Openness, Pain, Parenthood, Prayer, Self-deception, Self-Protection, Toxic Baggage, Victim, Victim Mentality, Vulnerability, Withdrawal, Wounds

  Abuse, Addictions, Anxiety, Avoidance, Compliant, Detached, Fears, Prayer, Prayer journaling, Secrets, Victim, Vulnerability

• The Controller Love Style And FMTM Linkup

  

  With Thanksgiving in the U.S. a day away, it seems appropriate to discuss the many shades of a Controller “love style!” We wouldn’t be able to get through a true Thanksgiving meal or celebration without the “Control Freak” in somebody rising to the surface like a tasty batch of homemade rolls  . . . minus…

  BethSteffaniak

  November 22, 2016

  Abuse, Alienation, Anger, Change, Choices, Christ-Centered, Conflict, Control, Counseling, Emotions, From Messes to Messages Linkup, Pain, Parenthood, Prayer, Safety, Self-Protection, Stress, Support, Toxic Baggage, Trauma, Wounds

  Abuse, Anger, Conflict, Control, Counseling, Support, Wounds

• Vacillator ‘Love Style’ in Marriage Plus FMTM Linkup

  

  Should I post on the Vacillator today, or not? Um, sure . . . I think I will! No, wait a minute . . . definitely not! Well . . . maybe I should! Just a little sarcasm to get this “love style” train chugging down or perhaps backing up along the proverbial track! My…

  BethSteffaniak

  November 15, 2016

  Acceptance, Alienation, Anger, Balance, Change, Choices, Conflict, Control, Emotions, Expectations, Fear, From Messes to Messages Linkup, Perfectionism, Realistic Expectations, Self-Protection, Self-Reflection, Toxic Baggage, Wounds

  Anger, Conflict, Control, Emotions, Fear of Abandonment, Rejection, Vacillate