Category: Pain

• The ABC’s of How to Forgive a Spouse And Linkup

  

  One of the gusty winds people often feel in marriage has to do with a heart growing cold out of a need to forgive a mate. I was there in that frigid place many years ago and still find myself tempted to return to that icy and unforgiving place whenever my husband hurts me. Because…

  BethSteffaniak

  August 29, 2017

  Acceptance, Anger, Back to School Series, Change, Choices, Christ-Centered, Conflict, Discouragement, Emotions, Encouragement, Faith in God, Forgiveness, From Messes to Messages Linkup, God’s Redemption, Jesus’ Sacrifice, Love of God, Marriage, Pain, Perspective, Positive Focus, Prayer, Redemption, Resentments, Self-awareness, Self-Reflection, Self-sacrifice, Truth, Victim Mentality, Wounds

  Acceptance, Brokenness, Forgiveness, Prayer

• Victim Love Style in Marriage And FMTM Linkup

  

  Here at Messy Marriage, I’ve talked about a “Victim Mentality” a lot over the years, but this isn’t necessarily what I’m talking about today. A victim mentality can develop in any person’s life regardless of their love style. A victim mentality is a fixation on a real or supposed victimizer in one’s life, feeling helpless…

  BethSteffaniak

  November 29, 2016

  Abuse, Accountability, Addictions, Change, Choices, Christ-Centered, Codependency, Conflict, Emotions, Fear, From Messes to Messages Linkup, Openness, Pain, Parenthood, Prayer, Self-deception, Self-Protection, Toxic Baggage, Victim, Victim Mentality, Vulnerability, Withdrawal, Wounds

  Abuse, Addictions, Anxiety, Avoidance, Compliant, Detached, Fears, Prayer, Prayer journaling, Secrets, Victim, Vulnerability

• The Controller Love Style And FMTM Linkup

  

  With Thanksgiving in the U.S. a day away, it seems appropriate to discuss the many shades of a Controller “love style!” We wouldn’t be able to get through a true Thanksgiving meal or celebration without the “Control Freak” in somebody rising to the surface like a tasty batch of homemade rolls  . . . minus…

  BethSteffaniak

  November 22, 2016

  Abuse, Alienation, Anger, Change, Choices, Christ-Centered, Conflict, Control, Counseling, Emotions, From Messes to Messages Linkup, Pain, Parenthood, Prayer, Safety, Self-Protection, Stress, Support, Toxic Baggage, Trauma, Wounds

  Abuse, Anger, Conflict, Control, Counseling, Support, Wounds

• 3 Ways I’m Dealing with an Empty-Nest

  

  I’m walking over an incredibly monumental transition or “threshold” in my life—that of being a full-fledged Empty Nester. Since that’s the case, I’ve felt like it might be good to do a series on the many “thresholds” we all go through in marriage and life. I will be alternating these posts with my videos that…

  BethSteffaniak

  September 24, 2016

  About Me, Acceptance, Change, Choices, Christ-Centered, Emotions, Empty-nest, Encouragement, Expectations, Faith in God, Grief, Motherhood, Pain, Parenthood, Positive Focus, Prayer, Self-Reflection, Surrender, Vulnerability

  Confusion, Empty-nest, Grief, Loss, Mom Issues, Motherhood, Pain, Parenthood, Prayer

• What I Learned from a Fight with My Husband

  

  Toward the end of my month-long reorganizing, repairing, and purging that I was doing in my house in June, my husband and I had a fight. Mind you, it wasn’t related to the hard work that we were doing on the house. But it was a doozy of a misunderstanding on both our parts. I…

  BethSteffaniak

  July 19, 2016

  About Me, Acceptance, Alienation, Anger, Avoidance, Blaming, Change, Choices, Christ-Centered, Communication, Conflict, Emotions, Expectations, Faith in God, False Beliefs, Fear, Forgiveness, Grace, Humility, Insecurity, Love, Love of God, Marriage, Negative Self-Talk, Pain, Perspective, Pride, Realistic Expectations, Resentments, Responsibility, Safety, Self-awareness, Self-deception, Self-Reflection, Soft Heart Series, Surrender, Trust, Truth, Vulnerability, Wedded Wednesday, Withdrawal

  Conflict, Courage, God’s Protection, Love, Perspective, Resentments, Truth, Vulnerability, Withdrawal

• Giving Up on Your Marriage?

  

  I started blogging (another blog) back in Feb. 2009, and have been blogging at Messy Marriage since October 2010, so it feels like quite a long journey in many ways. For the record . . . I’ve wanted to give up on this blogging endeavor many times! I’ve felt like it’s not worth it more…

  BethSteffaniak

  April 30, 2016

  About Me, Anger, Attitude, Blaming, Blogging, Change, Choices, Christ-Centered, Discouragement, Emotions, Encouragement, Expectations, Faith in God, False Beliefs, God’s Redemption, Love of God, Magical Thinking, Negative Self-Talk, Pain, Patience, Perseverance, Perspective, Proactive, Realistic Expectations, Resentments, Responsibility, Self-awareness, Self-deception, Self-Protection, Trust, Victim Mentality

  Change, Discouragement, Divorce, Faith in God, Patience, Perseverence, Seasons

• When Addiction is Subtle And WW Linkup

  

  Today I want to move forward in our “Resurrect Me” series on the addictions, compulsions and bad habits we ALL have in our lives by focusing on the next verse in our key passage (James 4:1-10), verse 3 … “When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may…

  BethSteffaniak

  April 5, 2016

  About Me, Addictions, Choices, Christ-Centered, Comfort, False Beliefs, Pain, Resurrect Me Series, Self-awareness, Self-deception, Self-Reflection, Truth, Wedded Wednesday

  Addictions, Bad Habits, Compulsions, Desires, Pain, Pleasure, Suffering

• Finding Healing for Your Wounds And Linkup

  

  Today I’m continuing the series on the wounds of our past by focusing on how to bring healing to those wounds through a new spiritual and relational focus. This means delving a bit deeper into what must be done in tandem with any ongoing prayer/processing of wounds (that I’ve shared in past posts). I believe…

  BethSteffaniak

  March 15, 2016

  About Me, Acceptance, Authenticity, Choices, Christ-Centered, Comfort, Confession, Confessional Culture, Denial, Empathy, Encouragement, Faith in God, God’s Redemption, Guilt, Identity, Love, Love of God, Pain, Perspective, Prayer, Redemption, Self-awareness, Self-deception, Self-Image, Self-Reflection, Shame, Surrender, Toxic Baggage, Truth, Unity, Vulnerability, Wedded Wednesday, Wounds

  Acceptance, Christ’s Wounds, Comfort, God’s Redemption, Healing, Wounds

• Taming Triggers in Your Marriage and Life Plus WW Linkup

  

  You’d think that after almost 29 years of marriage, my hubby and I would have tamed all of the “beasts” that arise from the moments when our wounds are triggered … but you would be wrong! 😉 I think it’s sort of like the apostle Paul’s “thorn” that God did not remove from his life…

  BethSteffaniak

  March 1, 2016

  Anger, Change, Choices, Christ-Centered, Communication, Confession, Conflict, Emotions, Fear, Humility, Pain, Perspective, Prayer, Respect, Responsibility, Self-awareness, Self-Reflection, Spiritual Practices, Toxic Baggage, Triggers in Marriage Series, Vulnerability, Wounds

  Anger, Communication, Conflict, Emotions, Fear, Healing, Prayer, Processing Emotions, Triggers, Wounds

• The Childhood Wound of Neglect And WW Linkup

  

  I’ve been a bit surprised by the amount of interest in this series on the wounds of our past, but definitely not shocked. I think this is an area that many couples struggle with and can relate to—realizing it brings with it much messiness and misery in marriage. The first step I want to take…

  BethSteffaniak

  February 16, 2016

  About Me, Abuse, Acceptance, Blaming, Christ-Centered, Denial, Emotions, False Beliefs, Messy Mom’s and Dad’s, Negative Self-Talk, Pain, Perspective, Self-awareness, Self-deception, Self-Reflection, Toxic Baggage, Trauma, Trials, Victim Mentality, Wedded Wednesday, Wounds

  Childhood, Pain, Self-awareness, Toxic Baggage, Trauma, Triggers, Victim Mentality, Wounds