Category: Boundaries
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Safe People Book Review/Giveaway
If you’ve read my blog for any length of time, you know that I’m a huge fan of Henry Cloud and John Townsend. I just recently read the book, Beyond Boundaries that was released by Townsend back in September 2011. It’s a great book that I will be doing a review on next week. But…
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How to Develop Your Identity
Level One – “Bad” … You feel like a “nobody”—unimportant. Level Two – “Worse” … You feel like you don’t know who you are. Level Three – “Worst” … You want to disappear. Very often in messy marriages, one or sometimes both people feel one of these ways. I think I’ve visited all three of…
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Unhealthy Alliances – Triangulating
One of my father’s well-worn Bibles and a “red pencil.” When I was growing up, my father was a workaholic pastor. When he wasn’t visiting people (he once had a goal of visiting 80 families a week), he was busy studying his Bible—hours on end and always with his red pencil. Now, both of those…
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When to Use Boundaries
Recently I wrote a post, Blinded by Boundaries, that indicated there are times when boundaries are not necessary—when grace is the better choice. But I feel as if I need to back up a bit and explain what boundaries are, and how you can and should use them. I’ve hesitated to delve into a post…
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Blinded by Boundaries
I want to show grace to my husband. Really, I do. But it’s not that simple. You know … what if, let’s say, I come upon my husband’s abandoned shoes and jacket in a heap on the floor!?* What? … Am I supposed to just pick them up and “enable” him to continue to treat…
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In Search of Self
As a counselor, I often find myself working with women who have a hard time “finding their voice.” By that I mean, they find it hard to identify their feelings, know their needs and assert their feelings and needs in a constructive way within a relationship. When this problem becomes entrenched, you may feel as…
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The Many Faces of Control – Smothering
In the days and weeks ahead I will be addressing certain ways that “control” manifests itself in marriages. And one of the more insidious and almost unrecognizable ways that control shows up is by the act of “smothering.” My first experience with smothering was not at the hands of my husband, but rather my mother.…
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How Money Became the Real Ball and Chain in My Marriage
When Gary and I were first married, we were young seminary students with very little money to our name. Unfortunately, I wanted to rework his fashion image. And since I proudly held “a single” credit card to a department store and because Gary needed some clothes, we went on a spending spree! After all, we…
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