Really, I do.

But it’s not that simple. You know … what if, let’s say, I come upon my husband’s abandoned shoes and jacket in a heap on the floor!?*

What? … Am I supposed to just pick them up and “enable” him to continue to treat me as his personal maid service? When will he ever learn how to pick up after himself, if I’m always doing it for him?

Oh yeah, and then there’s my husband’s perfect timing on asking me to get him a drink or snack after I’ve just sat down to relax, all the while he sits perched like a king atop his throne.*

Does he really think that I should just … serve him like some bubble-gum popping waitress? So, would you like some fries with that shake?

Well, for many years I’ve thought of this as just plain, good “boundary-setting.” But lately, God has challenged me to not look at these kinds of situations through the microscope of boundaries and justice, but through the kaleidoscope of grace.

Remember how Jesus responded to his disciples at the Last Supper?* It was the custom in that day for the guest to have his feet washed by the host since their sandaled feet would be dry and dusty from the arid, sandy roads they traveled.

But none of Jesus’ disciples thought about doing that gracious act of service for their Lord and Savior. Instead, he was the one who took off his outer clothing, wrapping himself in a towel like that of a humble house servant. Then going around to each disciple, he tenderly, lovingly washed their feet.

Jesus the King of Kings, the Savior of the World, the Almighty One served.

He wasn’t concerned about what his disciples’ role really was or should be. He wasn’t concerned that he would be “enabling” them to rely on others to wash their feet next time.

He simply wanted to serve out of the grace and love that he had for his disciples.

And instead of condemning them for their thoughtlessness, or instead of trying to make them do as he did, he inspired them with His gracious and humble heart.

I want to learn to serve my husband with the same grace and forgiveness that my Savior showed and still shows to you and me today.

And maybe, just maybe, it won’t matter how messy the house is or who does what, because I’ll have a new view of my husband and he of me. God’s grace will reveal a kaleidoscope of colors that I had missed—we had missed—for much too long in our marriage.

And the kaleidoscope of God’s grace can make your messy marriage beautiful too.

“Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus: Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be grasped, but made himself nothing, taking the very nature of a servant being made in human likeness.” Philippians 2:5-7 (NIV)

“Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others.” Ephesians 2:3-4 (NIV)

* Please know that I’ve taken artistic license and exaggerated my husband’s foibles for humorous effect. But even if he was the worst husband in the world, he’d still need me to show God’s grace to him. One more thing, he has read this post and graciously signed off, so that you, our messy marriage audience, can see the very real challenges we all face in marriage.