Category: Communication
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Unhealthy Alliances – Triangulating
One of my father’s well-worn Bibles and a “red pencil.” When I was growing up, my father was a workaholic pastor. When he wasn’t visiting people (he once had a goal of visiting 80 families a week), he was busy studying his Bible—hours on end and always with his red pencil. Now, both of those…
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Stress Less Holiday
One of the things I vividly remember from my childhood was how stressful the holidays were, especially for my mom. I think this is a common experience in many homes. The normal stressors of a messy or even not-so-messy marriage are multiplied by the amount of tasks (2x, 3x, 4x), the expenses ($5x, $6x, $7x),…
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When to Use Boundaries
Recently I wrote a post, Blinded by Boundaries, that indicated there are times when boundaries are not necessary—when grace is the better choice. But I feel as if I need to back up a bit and explain what boundaries are, and how you can and should use them. I’ve hesitated to delve into a post…
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Hesitant Husbands
Recently I wrote a post, “Letting a Busy Schedule Come Before Your Marriage,” and I promised to give you more tips on how to draw your hesitant husband into more quality connection time with you. So here are my thoughts … If your husband is hesitant, you’re not alone. It’s a very common problem for…
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In Search of Self
As a counselor, I often find myself working with women who have a hard time “finding their voice.” By that I mean, they find it hard to identify their feelings, know their needs and assert their feelings and needs in a constructive way within a relationship. When this problem becomes entrenched, you may feel as…
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My Messy Messages
Just the other day I decided to “communicate” my displeasure with something my husband had said earlier to me, by using sarcasm to strike back at him. Honestly, I thought it would get my message across in a “funny” way. After all, everybody loves a comic, right? I guess I have this idea that using…
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Rules of Engagement
Written by Heather Copple Messy Marriage Team Member Fighting and disagreeing with our spouse is bound to happen. We’re individuals who want and need different things at different times. We then share a space where privacy is not always present. We’re forced to deal with one another because we share a bedroom, house, children, and…
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Mr. Fix-It!
Written by Gary Steffaniak Messy Marriage Team Member Okay … so I’m thinking I’m doing the best thing I can do when my wife Beth comes to me and shares her feelings about something that is bothering her … and I offer a perfect solution that is guaranteed to “fix it.” Well, after almost 25…
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S-E-X . . . A Three Letter Word!
Written by Heather Copple Messy Marriage Team Member A little background… I have been married to my husband, Scott for over 15 years. We are brutally honest with each other and that can be painful. We enjoy each other mentally, spiritually and physically. One mess in our marriage . . . we have different libidos.…
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Need a Marriage Work-Out?
Recently I had a reader ask me about how to deal with a controlling and critical spouse. I have to say that I’m guilty of playing both positions on this one—offense and defense. And I can say from first-hand experience that I think control and criticism are two of the biggest mess makers out there.…
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