Category: Blaming

• Is "Victim Turning on Victim" in your marriage?

  My husband and I came into marriage with a lot of pain from our pasts. Our childhoods were far from idyllic. We grew up in families where we experienced everything from traumatic events to dysfunctional relationships and more. I’m not blaming anyone for the wounds of our pasts—simply acknowledging what our reality was. Most likely,…

  BethSteffaniak

  March 11, 2013

  Anger, Blaming, Conflict, Empathy, Forgiveness, Realistic Expectations, Self-Protection, Toxic Baggage, Trauma

• Turning Correction into Motivation

  Every messy marriage faces the challenge of correcting messy or wrong behavior in a spouse. We often think it’s our duty to point out where our spouse has gotten off track. And in some situations and when offered in the right spirit, that can be true. The trick is knowing how to communicate our observations…

  BethSteffaniak

  February 20, 2013

  Affirmation, Blaming, Communication, Conflict, Confrontation, Encouragement

• 10 Not-So-Helpful Things to Do for My Spouse

    Recently I wrote a post about the subject of helping my husband. You can refer to it here, if you’d like. But the idea got me to thinking … there are lots of ways I can help my husband but … There are also a lot of ways that I think I’m helping my…

  BethSteffaniak

  December 12, 2012

  Blaming, Choices, Christ-Centered, Communication, Criticism, Grace, Love, Negative Self-Talk, Positive Focus, Respect, Support

• Raising the Bar in Your Marriage?

  Imagine, if you will, coming home from a long days work, expecting to bask in a warm welcome from the one who’s “supposed to have your back,” only to experience a tongue lashing so sharp that you feel like human hash browns—having been diced up and left on the floor to sizzle in the greasy…

  BethSteffaniak

  November 11, 2012

  Anger, Blaming, Choices, Communication, Conflict, Criticism, Emotions, Forgiveness, Grace

• Denial and the Monster Within

  Denial very often operates like the typical plotline of a bad horror movie.  We watch as the protagonist (often a young, beautiful woman) is sitting in a peaceful corner of her empty and secluded, century-old farmhouse. Suddenly she’s startled by a noise coming from the eerie dark bedroom down the hall. Sensing danger, she gathers…

  BethSteffaniak

  November 7, 2012

  Authenticity, Avoidance, Blaming, Confession, Counseling, Denial, Fear, Self-Reflection, Vulnerability

• Is it Always Your Fault?

  Do you feel like “the problem” spouse? I know about this troubling dynamic, because I was the one blaming my spouse for the fault in our marriage—both verbally and in my head. I couldn’t escape the belief that my husband, Gary, was the problem! And if I could just “fix” him or worse … get…

  BethSteffaniak

  October 22, 2012

  Blaming, Christ-Centered, Confession, Empathy, Faith in God, Fear, Forgiveness, Insecurity, Negative Self-Talk, Self-sacrifice