Why Can’t I Run to My Mom? SJT Video

In today’s “Sloppy Joe Time” video, I’m talking about an unhealthy practice I had early in my marriage. I was still running to my mother’s arms, when I should’ve been running to God’s and never leaving my husband’s! Can you relate? I hope you’ll click on the video below to see what I discovered and eventually did about this unhealthy practice.

Why do you think this practice is so hurtful and divisive in marriage?

How does “leaving and cleaving” bless and strengthen you and your spouse’s marriage?

If you’d like to view the video at Messy Marriage’s Youtube channel or view some of the other Sloppy Joe Time videos, click here. And I’d love it if you’d subscribe to the channel while you’re there!

Linking up with – Marriage Mondays, The Weekend Brew, Faith and Friends, Making Your Home Sing, Mondays @ Soul Survival, Sunday Stillness, Sharing His Beauty, Spiritual Sundays and Playdates with God

14 responses to “Why Can’t I Run to My Mom? SJT Video”

Linda@Creekside

April 5, 2015 at 5:22 pm

Nice kitchen, Beth!!
Loved this post … especially your running commentary along the bottom of the screen! A good reminder for me to remember to stay out of my girls’ marriages … which hasn’t really been a problem {or maybe I should ask them after 13 and 15 years, huh??}
;-}
Sharing your post on my sidebar even as we speak! You surely are ‘shareworthy!’

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1. Beth Steffaniak
  
  April 6, 2015 at 10:43 am
  
  Thanks, Linda! My kitchen seems to be where the best light is and that makes for better videoing. So I’ll probably do most from here on out in that spot. 🙂
  
  Thanks for coming by and watching–and always for your encouragement! You bless me! I’m glad to hear that you’ve been a source of support and not “meddling” in your daughter’s marriages. There’s an important distinction. Maybe I should do a video or blog post on that difference. Of course, you are one wise woman, so I shouldn’t be surprised that you’ve handled this crucial issue with respect and sensitivity. And thanks so much for the “sidebar” spot! I love that! Hugs to you, my friend!
  
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Janis Cox

April 5, 2015 at 9:27 pm

OH so true. I did not go running to Mom – we were at a distance and I was too independent to do that. lol:) I stay out of my kids’ marriages as I made them independent too by not getting into their quarrels. They know they can turn to me for advice on many things – cooking, work, other problems – but not their marriages.
Blessings to you,
Loved the video.
Janis

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1. Beth Steffaniak
  
  April 6, 2015 at 10:46 am
  
  I think that distance can be a blessing in disguise for many young couples. But kudos to you, Janis, for being independent and avoiding this unhealthy tendency. I will have to say that I was pretty independent. If my mom said something I didn’t like, I wasn’t afraid to tell her. It’s just that I loved soaking up that support and affection for the hard times I was going through. That’s not all bad, but it’s what I did with it that turned it sour in my marriage and life. I’m glad you’ve been sensitive to this issue with your kids as well. Thanks for coming by and encouraging me!
  
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Kym Thorpe

April 5, 2015 at 9:39 pm

Yes, It’s so important for husband and wife to put each other first! And I think a wise mother will be careful to not get in the way, as Janis pointed out. Glad to be your “neighbor” on the Weekend Brew – have a blessed week!

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1. Beth Steffaniak
  
  April 6, 2015 at 10:47 am
  
  Thanks for coming by and encouraging me, Kym! I’ll have to check out your place as well, my neighbor! You have a blessed week as well. 🙂
  
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Ngina Otiende

April 6, 2015 at 2:43 pm

“The proper laws of in-laws” I love it! and the other texts you insert in the video. So funny and true!
My challenge was not parents but mentors and even though it was healthy , i still trusted in their ability to “sort us out” (which they did so well) way too much than I did God. It took moving 8,000 miles away from them to learn how to run to God for everything! Such an important reminder this is. Thanks for yet another lovely video.

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1. Beth Steffaniak
  
  April 6, 2015 at 3:28 pm
  
  Yes, sometimes even the best mentors can become too important to a young spouse. I’m so glad that you realized this and that there was some physical distance to give you a chance to work things out with your hubby–just the two of you relying on the Lord. There were so many valuable lessons I was missing out on and cheating my husband by my unhealthy alliance. Thanks so much for coming by and encouraging me, Ngina! It’s always a treat to have you here!
  
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Mary

April 6, 2015 at 7:41 pm

Your videos are so much fun! Don’t ever take out the comments that run at the bottom!!! I understand the difficulty with running to mom with problems after you are married. I was pretty much the opposite from the standpoint that I did not run home but I wasn’t honest with myself or my parents when things were not going well which was over half of my marriage. Neither situation is healthy! Blessed that you are joining in the conversation at The Weekend Brew. Hope your Easter was wonderful!

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1. Beth Steffaniak
  
  April 9, 2015 at 12:30 pm
  
  Thanks for your kind words, Mary! I won’t be taking those out because I have a lot of fun trying to dream the running commentary up! And yes, you bring up a good point–sometimes we can become like an “island” and not let anyone help or know about our problems. Our parents could be a positive encourager in that process, if we let them in on how we’re struggling. The extremes are never a good place to camp out when you’re trying to forge a bond with your mate! Thanks for coming by and you’re welcome about the Weekend Brew. I’m glad I recently discovered it, my friend!
  
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Aimee Imbeau

April 6, 2015 at 8:32 pm

I appreciate this so much Beth! The reassurance of it being ok to set boundaries with your parents. The trouble I have is when my parents do not respect the reasonable boundaries I have set. It is very difficult.

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1. Beth Steffaniak
  
  April 9, 2015 at 12:33 pm
  
  Yes, that’s another pesky problem for couples. I would have to say I haven’t really experienced overt meddling, although I always knew where my mom stood on the things we, “as a couple” were doing. After I woke up to how I was “adding fuel to the fire,” I was able to set up more healthy boundaries and expectations with my mom and my husband. It wasn’t easy, for sure! I remember my mom giving me the evil eye on more than one occasion! ha! Thanks for adding to the discussion, Aimee! Have a blessed rest of the week and weekend!
  
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Nicki Schroeder

April 7, 2015 at 3:09 pm

I love you and your honesty sweet lady! It takes a brave womanto open up and talk about this. Proud of you! I do not relate to this, at all. And maybe that is actually a good thing? I didn’t have a relationship with my mom to have someone to run to. It wasn’t even an option. But the hubs and I did work things out on our own, thru prayer and repentance and forgiveness….and I guess in a way we were blessed not to have parental units to get in the way of that! (On a sidenote, I am easily distracted…love that you have a picture frame that matches that rockin’ chevron mug! AND I need to know what your tattoo says on your wrist…lol) *hugs to you friend* xoxo

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1. Beth Steffaniak
  
  April 9, 2015 at 12:38 pm
  
  My husband and I have been a “what you see is what you get” kind of couple for many years now. God compels us to use the lessons He’s taught us to help others. I love God’s sweet redemption! Sometimes those “broken relationships with our parents” can prove to be a blessing in disguise as we lean into the bond we must develop with our mates. I’m glad that was how you dealt with that lack in your life, Nicki! Funny that you should notice my chevron “run-a-muck” in my kitchen and my not-so-easy to spot tattoo! It says, “The Lord’s” Check out Isaiah 44:5 to see where I got the inspiration. Hugs to you, my friend!
  
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