Category: Forgiveness
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The Fear of Forgiving
Last week I was privileged to attend the American Association of Christian Counselors convention in Nashville and my very first pre-conference track was with Everett Worthington Jr. He is Professor of Counseling Psychology at Virginia Commonwealth University as well as an author of several books on forgiveness; and he ended up being one of my…
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My Messy Messages
Just the other day I decided to “communicate” my displeasure with something my husband had said earlier to me, by using sarcasm to strike back at him. Honestly, I thought it would get my message across in a “funny” way. After all, everybody loves a comic, right? I guess I have this idea that using…
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Horror-mones
Lately, I don’t know what it is, but I can’t seem to get my emotions to level out. I take that back, they really are finding a level . . . just at the lowest point imaginable! UGH! Now, I know that there are a lot of reasons why I might feel this way, but…
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The Many Faces of Control – Smothering
In the days and weeks ahead I will be addressing certain ways that “control” manifests itself in marriages. And one of the more insidious and almost unrecognizable ways that control shows up is by the act of “smothering.” My first experience with smothering was not at the hands of my husband, but rather my mother.…
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Need a Marriage Work-Out?
Recently I had a reader ask me about how to deal with a controlling and critical spouse. I have to say that I’m guilty of playing both positions on this one—offense and defense. And I can say from first-hand experience that I think control and criticism are two of the biggest mess makers out there.…
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6 Strategies for Avoiding an Affair
Attractions, like the popular bumper-sticker says, “… happen.“ But if we are wise, affairs don’t have to. Here are six strategies that are helpful in avoiding the allure of an affair. Stay connected and engaged with your spouse. That means you need to make time to be with your spouse. You need to show interest…
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Have You Really Forgiven Someone?
I often hear people say, “Oh, I forgave him/her.” But sometimes I doubt the truth or reality of their words. It’s not that I don’t think they’re being sincere. It’s just that I think many people believe that forgiveness is simply a decision and nothing more. Here’s why I think there’s more forgiveness work to…
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3 Steps to Breaking a Vicious Cycle
Have you ever been in a vicious cycle? I certainly have! Let’s say that you were betrayed by a past relationship. That person lied to you time after time and finally cheated on you. You learned from that experience to be suspicious, even cynical about new and existing relationships. In carrying that cynicism with you…
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Marriage Mistake #9 – Forgive My Spouse Only If It Feels Right
You know the old saying, “To err is human and to forgive divine?” Well, that’s certainly been a truth that was lost on me for many years. In fact, I fell more into the “Oprah Camp” that said, “Listen to your heart or feelings.” But when I did this early on in my marriage, it…
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I’m Merciful to Those Who Deserve It!
Ever feel like that? It might be among the top ten sentiments in a messy marriage. And it makes complete sense, when you’ve given your spouse chance after chance to redeem him or herself and all they’ve done is disappoint you. In the middle of a mess, it seems to be the only self-preserving thing…
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