How to Stop Hiding and Improve Your Life and Marriage

Come out of hiding! This post shows you how to come toward God and find the healing you need for your marriage. #marriage #hiding #hide #Bible #quotes #temptations #guilt #shame #verses #conflict #sin #repentance #forgiveness

When I was a little girl, my way of dealing with sadness or the sins I had committed was to crawl under my bed and hide.

Come out of hiding! This post shows you how to come toward God and find the healing you need for your marriage. #marriage #hiding #hide #Bible #quotes #temptations #guilt #shame #verses #conflict #sin #repentance #forgiveness

This provided a soothing escape among the dark shadows that seemed to mirror my state of mind. No one but the shoes next to my head knew the tears I was crying nor the shame I was feeling. At least, not until my mother or older sister noticed my absence and began to call out for me.


This illustrates what Adam and Eve must have felt, trying in vain to cover their sinful choice to eat the forbidden fruit.

This week we’re picking up in our Marriage Battle Strategies series with a look at Genesis 3:7-9 when the first couple took their very first bite into sin. Here’s what happened next …

Then the eyes of both of them were opened, and they realized they were naked; so they sewed fig leaves together and made coverings for themselves. Then the man and his wife heard the sound of the Lord God as he was walking in the garden in the cool of the day, and they hid from the Lord God among the trees of the garden. But the Lord God called to the man, “Where are you?”

First off, don’t assume that the fruit they ate had magical powers. Their eyes were opened because they had disobeyed God’s one and only command.

[bctt tweet=”Seeing that they were naked not only made them feel vulnerable and exposed but it also revealed the stain of sin on their hearts. Can you relate? Genesis 3:7-9″ username=”BethSteffaniak”]

This story repeats itself in marriage after marriage, generation after generation.

So then, what battle strategies can we use to resist temptation?

5 Ways to Come Out of Hiding and Improve Your Marriage

1. Avoid trying to “fix” your marriage problems.

This is such a common choice we make. But it spells disaster for our marriages when we try to take charge.

That’s because Satan loves to insert his lies in the whole fix-your-marriage proposition. He will tempt you to think you have the power to change (fix) your mate. Worse than that, he will trick you into hiding or closing your eyes to your own sins in the matter.

Are you doing either of these?

[bctt tweet=”The only way to truly fix your marriage is to fix (fasten) your eyes on Jesus—giving Him the burden of fixing what is broken. Read more at MM!” username=”BethSteffaniak”]

2. Ask God to open your eyes to your sin.

Even though it might have felt like a bad thing to Adam and Eve—the shame and guilt that invaded their hearts—it was actually God’s way of helping them.

When we feel these emotions, we need to turn our eyes toward Jesus, asking Him to reveal the sins we so often want to deny, minimize, and/or justify.

Pray right now and ask God to show you your faults in your marriage. If you can’t discern them, find Bible stories and passages that deal with the kinds of conflicts you’re experiencing for greater insight.

Most of all, leave it up to God to expose your mate’s sins, at least in the initial stages of this process.

3. Resist hiding your sin.

Shame and guilt are, ironically, very GOOD emotions—that is, when you use them as your cue to turn to God. But if you’re like me (and I suspect you are!), probably your first response to shame and guilt is to try and hide it from your spouse.

Just know that this always makes matters soooo much worse!

I’ll be sharing below in #5 how to counter the tendency to hide our sins and mistakes. Keep reading!

4. Remember God is actively pursuing you even after you’ve sinned.

God must have made a habit of walking in bodily form with these two “in the cool of the day.” But even more amazing, their sin did not stop Him from pursuing them.

Better yet, your sins never stop God from pursuing you either!

If you’re in a messy season in your marriage or life, you probably don’t feel like your spouse wants to pursue you or vice versa. Let this reminder and truth comfort you, filling to overflowing your empty love tank.

5. Walk with God daily.

If you’re not carving out time to meet with God in a daily time of prayer and Bible study, you’re making yourself especially vulnerable to the evil one.

Think about it …

If Eve had been walking with God at this moment, she wouldn’t have stopped to chat with the serpent. In fact, she wouldn’t have been tempted at all because, with God by her side, the serpent would have avoided her like the plague.

Not only that, but she would have heard and known the truth because God would have told her while they walked together!

Your time with God is also the perfect time to bring any guilt or shame you have been hiding to Him.

When you do that, God will give you a nudge and the courage needed to come clean with your spouse as well. This allows you to walk and stay in step with your mate instead of feeling divided or alienated in your marriage.

If you’re facing marriage troubles, let God be the only place where you hide. Allow His loving presence to provide forgiveness for your sins and the comfort you need in your time of suffering!

So, allow me to ask the same haunting question God asked Adam and Eve …

Where are you?

Are you hiding among the dark shadows of your messes in life and marriage?

Stop and listen for God’s call, then come out and start walking with Him today!

If and when you do, you’ll find the strength and healing you need to walk in forgiveness and harmony with your spouse as well.

You are my hiding place; you will protect me from trouble and surround me with songs of deliverance. Psalm 32:7

[bctt tweet=”Where are you with God and your spouse? Hiding out of hurt or shame? Find ways to come out of hiding and experience healing in life and marriage! #marriage #spiritualwarfare” username=”BethSteffaniak”]

I hope you’ll join me next week when I’ll continue in this series—Marriage Battle Strategies—examining the next few verses in Adam and Eve’s story. The theme of that post will deal with the temptation to blame our spouses rather than taking responsibility for the sins and damage we, individually, have done.

Also, consider yourself invited to my Facebook Bible Study—Battle Strategies—a deeper and more extensive study on spiritual warfare. Click here, then request to join and I’ll add you ASAP!


Which of the 5 strategies is most needed in your life and marriage?


Which do you typically hide from your spouse: How they’ve hurt you, or how you’ve sinned against them?  


Here are some lovely linkups I join – Inspire Me MondayLiterary Musing MondaysPurposeful Faith, Tell His StoryInstaEncouragements LinkupRecharge WednesdayWorth Beyond Rubies WednesdayTune in ThursdayHeart EncouragementGrace and Truth, and  Faith on Fire Friday.


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15 responses to “How to Stop Hiding and Improve Your Life and Marriage”

  1. I’m hiding in the workshop
    behind a stack of books.
    I hear key turning in the lock,
    and I’m araid to look.
    I’m hiding in the basement;
    I got in on the sly
    by crawling through the casement;
    if Joe can do this, so can I!
    I’m hiding on the running track,
    I’m hiding in the gym;
    if I go fast and don’t look back,
    I won’t have to begin
    to live the new and diff’rent life
    that I once promised to my wife.


    1. Yep, so true, Andrew! And that’s the way so many spouses handle this slippery slope. They might even think they are just “doing their thing,” but really they are running from responsibility and truth with all of these other diversions and distractions. Thanks for coming by! I was worried a bit about you since you didn’t have a new post at your place. I hope you’ve not taken a turn for the worse. But that seems to be an understatement for you these days! Praying for you, my friend!


  2. I love this so much. Shame can keep us hiding even from our husbands who love us so deeply. Keeping secrets from them feels like protecting them from our bad even though it is unhealthy. I love this. I am kind of late to starting but so glad I felt led of the Lord to take a look today.


    1. Thank you for your encouragement, Lora! Yes, shame does a number on us! And I love your insight about how we think it’s being protective when it’s really very unhealthy and divisive. I’m glad the Lord led you by my place too! Nice to meet you!


  3. Thank you for pointing out that guilt and shame over our mistakes can help us overcome them withe God’s help. The devil tries to use this emotions for his purposes, but God can help us overcome!


    1. Yes, shame and guilt need to be reframed for the believer, Anita! It’s like pain. No one wants to feel it but, boy, would we be sorry if we couldn’t feel the pain when something was wrong or diseased in our body! And agreed! Emotions are one of his prime targets. Thanks for coming by and joining the conversation, my friend!


  4. I have to admit, this sentence hit me hard: “He will tempt you to think you have the power to change (fix) your mate.” Ugh! After I read this post, I was reminded of the verse from Matthew about taking the plank out of my own eye! This temptation, of course, arises out of my own guilt and shame. Thank you for this good reminder.


  5. Beth,
    I love the thought that if I’m walking with God and in His presence, the enemy will avoid me like the plague. What a wonderful incentive to be in relationship with my heavenly Father. I think I’ve learned not to try to “fix” my spouse, but I can be good at hiding or not acknowledging my own sins. I don’t like being confronted with the facts of how often I fall short in being a loving spouse. Thank you for the reminder that even when I admit and come face to face with my sin, my Father still pursues me. I guess there is truth to the saying, “You can run, but you cannot hide.” Great wisdom I needed to hear!
    Bev xx


  6. I’m really enjoying and I’ve been blessed by this series, Beth. Thank God that he doesn’t stop pursuing us even after we sin. It’s so easy to forget that and go into “hiding”, the same in marriage. Thanks for sharing these tips. x


  7. Walking with God daily is a life strategy. Putting God first will keep our focus where it needs to be.


  8. My father was a very angry person, so if we did wrong, we tried to hide it from him. It took quite a long time to realize that my heavenly Father *wanted* me to come to Him with my sin, so I could be forgiven and cleansed.

    These are good tips. It’s so easy to focus on what the other person did and excuse ourselves. Some of the times I’ve been upset with my husband, I’ve come to find out that he didn’t deliberately do something to upset me–it was usually a misunderstanding or his not realizing how a certain action or lack of one seemed to me. Communication is so important.


  9. Powerful insight, Beth. I particularly like how you said shame and guilt are good if we use them as a cue to turn to God. And how if Eve had been walking with God, the point of temptation and sin would never have taken place. That’s good!


  10. so good and so practical! Having been in very dark, hard seasons in my own marriage, this just about perfectly sums up how the Lord walked me out of that and brought healing to our marriage. I gotta say, just as your points point out, it is about OUR own relationship with the Father…it’s US repenting, US seeking Him, US going to Him. Rather than pointing fingers at our spouse, it is about intimacy with the Father. Thank you so much for sharing this!


  11. You always tell me things I need to hear for my good, even when I don’t want to hear them, Beth. I’ve been dealing with anxiety and a little depression off and on the past few months (hello, 2020), but it’s easier sometimes to hide it and press on than to admit it and deal with it. Thanks for the encouragement to keep living in the light instead of shoving things into a dark corner. Blessings to you, friend!


  12. […] This is an updated edition of a post originally published on Messy Marriage […]


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