3 Practices that Can Rekindle Attraction for Your Mate

Rekindle Attraction

Remember those first few months and years when your attraction for your mate was white hot? You probably couldn’t keep your hands off of each other. Sadly, that might be a bit fuzzy in your memory now. You might feel like the odd ball and the only one who’s struggled with this particular problem in marriage, especially since this is a topic people just don’t like to open up about to others.

But I’m here to say that attraction in marriage almost always vacillates at various points in life. This is especially true for women whose heart’s long to be “wooed” and not just visually stimulated like what typically can get a man going. And it’s even more prevalent in marriages where struggles have continued without resolution and healing for some time.

Rekindle Attraction

Read last week’s post for a checklist of some of these issues to see which ones might be affecting you.

I want to share with you three powerful practices that I’ve used for the wounds and problems in my life and marriage that have brought healing to my heart (and this goes for all types of issues and not just sexual ones). Best of all, these three have more than healed my heart, they have rekindled my attraction to my mate as well.

Now, these practices are probably not what you’d expect! All three of them involve prayer! Yes, you heard that right … Prayer! 

The first practice is to prayer process about problematic issues. The second is to pray Scripture over the hurts, conflicts, wounds and unmet desires we feel in our lives and marriages. And the third is to prayer partner about the issue(s) with a godly same-gender friend.

3 Prayer Practices for Healing Lack of Attraction in Marriage

1. Prayer Processing

This involves taking a verse or passage and writing about what you think it is saying to and asking of you. This is different than simply praying Scripture. That’s because it’s more conversational and reflective of your own life, rather than praying so close to the particular wording in a verse.

As you begin to pray, God will most likely reveal certain ways that you’ve sinned related to the verse you’ve chosen. When I pray this way, I also sense God directing me to pray about one or more ways I can respond differently—better—as well.

Based on your results from the marriage checklist I wrote about last week, pick the most pressing issue to prayer process. See the “Scripture by Topic to Pray for Marriage” below for the PDF’s of each of the four pages.

For illustration purposes, see the example of prayer processing based on the following passage below. I also hope you’ll pin this for future reference!

Process with Prayer

[bctt tweet=”Find how to prayer process using Scripture, so that you can better understand how to deal with a marriage problem.” username=”BethSteffaniak”]

2. Praying Scripture

You will need to refer to the “Scripture by Topic to Pray for Marriage” (see below for links), choosing one or more verses to pray.

See a prayer example using a passage in the graphic below. Don’t forget to pin for future use!

Pray Scripture

[bctt tweet=”Find out how to pray Scripture over an issue that’s hindering attraction in marriage. #bringdivinehealing ” username=”BethSteffaniak”]

3. Prayer Partnering

This involves finding one or more godly and trustworthy same-gender friends (preferably married) to pray with you in this matter.

Of course, you’ll need to open up about your lack of attraction and maybe offer reasons why you feel this problem has developed for you with your prayer partner. Focus on your negative contribution as much as possible, instead of griping about your mate’s issues. Consider using Scriptures as a template for you and your partner’s prayers as well.

Then set up a weekly or every other week check in to evaluate how the prayers are helping, as well as setting an end date to reevaluate whether you need to continue this structured accountability approach or not. A three-month commitment is a good place to start.

[bctt tweet=”Prayer partnering is an encouraging prayer strategy for reigniting attraction in marriage. Find out how at MM.” username=”BethSteffaniak”]

Bottom line …

Attraction in marriage is much more complex than simply responding to someone’s attractive physical features. We need to deal with our hearts when attraction fades.

With that said, I hope you’ll commit yourself to this process of praying regularly in one or all three of these ways to bring this type of healing to your marriage. This is not an overnight process, but must be taken up regularly, if not daily, in order to see your attraction reignite for your mate. Rest assured, it has made all the difference in mine!

Below are the links to the “Scripture by Topic to Pray for Marriage” printout. Click on the image of each page for a link to download the PDF of each one—being sure to click on the three dots in the far right corner.

1st pagePray Scripture

2nd page

3rd page
Pray Scripture

4th page
Pray Bible Verses


What is an issue that has negatively impacted your heart in marriage either currently or in the past? 


Do you have any other suggestions for finding heart-level healing in marriage?


Click on the link to read my first devotional on Devotableapp.com—”Love in a Love-Hungry World.” I’m offering my thoughts on the challenge Jesus gave to His disciples the night of the Last Supper. It’s a timely challenge that’s hard for me to do, but so very worth it! I hope you’ll agree! 😉

Click on the link to read more in this series, “Rekindling and Reclaiming Sex in Marriage.

Finally, I hope you’ll join me next week when I’ll be sharing some creative and meaningful gift ideas for rekindling and encouraging you and your spouse in marriage!

Here are some lovely linkups I join – Inspire Me MondayLiterary Musing MondaysDream Together LinkupJennifer Dukes LeeGlimpses Linkup,  Break Through Homeschooling LinkupCoffee for Your HeartSitting Among FriendsGrace and TruthGrace Moments LinkupTune in ThursdayMoments of HopeFaith and FriendsFresh Market Friday, and DanceWithJesusFriday


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I am a member of the Amazon Associates Program. So please be advised that this post and website contain affiliate links that earn an advertising and referral commission for me, if and when you make a purchase through various links found on site.

However, this comes with no extra cost to you and will not increase the price you pay for any items you decide to buy on Amazon. It is simply a way for me to earn some support for the ministry expenses of this blog. Thank you in advance for being willing to use any Amazon links as searching tools!


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