If you’ve been married for any length of time, it is so easy to fall into these five unhealthy patterns in marriage. It typically happens when we’ve become dependent on or reactive to what our spouse does, thinks or feels. In an effort to fix, resist or avoid our spouse, we end up “reacting” to them in some area of our relating.
This unhealthy reaction on our part is triggered by the relational tension we feel in our marriages. Often if we are “reacting” instead of responding “proactively” with forethought and personal conviction, we are doing so because of long-standing dysfunctions, traumas or losses from our past. We become compelled to do something of a dysfunctional dance with our partners—always seeking to find a way out of that dance by repeating the same steps that we’ve practiced and rehearsed for years. #insanity
The answer lies in breaking free from these patterns that have become so ingrained. And that realization and freedom is ignited by admitting to yourself, God and your mate that you are allowing yourself to be controlled by your mate’s attitude &/or actions.
What are the five ways we let our spouses control us?
- Over-correcting the harsh or passive parenting of a spouse. #confusethechild
- Viewing yourself as a victim that is trapped in your marriage because your spouse won’t change or engage in a positive way.
- Choosing to have an affair or to look at pornography (same difference) because you believe you’ve been deprived of “whatever” in your marriage.
- Becoming a “fixer” or “enabler” because your spouse won’t do his/her part.
- Resisting spiritual pursuits because your spouse is cramming them down your throat.
I’ll be unpacking and discussing each of these five one by one in this series—including pointing out the ones I’ve done over the years. Yep! It’s what has kept the “messy” in my marriage, for sure!
I hope to have a video up next Sunday, but if I don’t I will be posting on “Overcorrecting the harsh or passive parenting of a spouse” next.
I hope you’ll join me either way! 🙂
[Tweet “Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result! ~Einstein”]
[Tweet “Unhealthy patterns in marriage become like dance steps—pushing and pulling us to our partners.”]
What are some other ways that a spouse can control us?
Which of these five unhealthy patterns have you struggled with the most, and why?
Linking up with – Mommy Moments, The Weekend Brew, Making Your Home Sing, Mondays @ Soul Survival, Sunday Stillness, Sharing His Beauty, Spiritual Sundays, Words with Winter, DanceWithJesusFriday and Playdates with God
I want to give a shout out to my friend, Nancy Rogers, for letting me use this photo of her dancing, and might I add, NOT dancing dysfunctionally! 😉