Did I make you mad? SJT Video

In this “Sloppy Joe Time” video, I’m tackling the need for perspective whenever my spouse is irritated, grouchy, feeling bad or whatever, but it has nothing to do with me. In those times, I tend to get too close to the situation and try to take responsibility for what is my husband’s responsibility and problem. In my household, this usually creates a tangled mess!

I hope you’ll click on the video below to see what I’m learning to do instead.

Also I made a brief mention in my video above about the video below, “It’s Not about the Nail.” If you’re interested you can view that video as well! Trust me, it’s hilarious!

What are you trying to do for your spouse when you step in to “fix” the situation that stems from good motives?

What are you doing in those moments that stems from unrealistic or unhealthy motives?

If you’d like to view the video at Messy Marriage’s Youtube channel or view some of the other Sloppy Joe Time videos, click here. And I’d love it if you’d subscribe to the channel while you’re there!

Linking up with – Marriage Mondays, The Weekend Brew, Faith and Friends, Making Your Home Sing, Mondays @ Soul Survival, Sunday Stillness, Sharing His Beauty, Spiritual Sundays and Playdates with God

13 responses to “Did I make you mad? SJT Video”

» Did I make you mad? SJT Video

April 19, 2015 at 3:54 pm

[…] Did I make you mad? SJT Video […]

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Mary

April 19, 2015 at 8:05 pm

I love these videos. You are right that our posts are similar in that we are both looking at perspective this week. I am a fixer by nature so when something is going wrong with my sons that is my first instinct. My mother mode seems to rule and want to take over often instead of stepping back and offering a hug or a listening ear. There is so much to be learned about relationships and I like how you are digging into each aspect one at a time. Hope your week is blessed. Thank you for sharing this at The Weekend Brew.

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1. Beth Steffaniak
  
  April 20, 2015 at 12:17 pm
  
  Oh yes! Don’t get me started on how this need to fix pops up when I’m in my mothering-mode, Mary! I think it’s harder to distinguish what is our responsibility and what is our child’s–no matter how old they get! 😉 Thanks for you sweet words and you have a blessed week, my friend!
  
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JViola79

April 20, 2015 at 7:46 am

Beth, I enjoyed both videos this morning. it is so true that we are called to help but not fix. We can come alongside of & validate but there are times, it is solely our spouses responsibility to handle it. And I am coming to find it is helpful to let him do it in his time & in his way & when he has processed it all. So much to learn – even after 35 years 🙂

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1. Beth Steffaniak
  
  April 20, 2015 at 12:19 pm
  
  You bring up a very good point, Joanne! That’s so true. There are times when we simply need to not ask questions or intervene in any way other than to give our spouse space. My hubby is not a lover of “space” but I truly am and always appreciate it when he gives me that “understanding room” to be myself and process before discussing. Thanks for sharing from your 35 year history! Wow! You are an inspiration!
  
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Donna Reidland

April 20, 2015 at 8:28 am

Beth, I love the videos. “It’s not about the nail,” haven’t we all been there! Thanks for linking up at Monday @ Soul Survival.

Donna

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1. Beth Steffaniak
  
  April 20, 2015 at 12:21 pm
  
  Oh yes, Donna! Been there and when I’ve done that it felt more like I was pounding another nail into the wound of my hubby! Thanks so much for coming by and encouraging me!
  
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Linda@Creekside

April 20, 2015 at 8:41 am

That nail video got me laughing and doin’ a little happy dance thing at the end.

;-}

And your words about not minimizing and stop trying to fix or change our husband’s {or anyone else’s} emotions was just spot on. It’s just so way easy to try to wave a magic wand and make it all go away.

It doesn’t work like that, does it. Sigh.

Hugs, dear friend, as we launch into another week! I hope it’s a good one for ya …

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1. Beth Steffaniak
  
  April 20, 2015 at 12:22 pm
  
  Isn’t it so funny, Linda?! I cracked up the first time I saw it and now it’s an iconic phrase that my hubby and I banter about here and there–whenever we’re trying to fix the other! Yes, we all wish we had those “magic wands” to bring healing to our spouse in the heat of the moment, when the best thing to do is give them space to figure it out. Thanks for you constant friendship and encouragement, my dear!
  
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bluecottonmemory

April 20, 2015 at 10:36 am

So LOL! I’ve learned to just ask, “it’s nothing I’ve done – right? – and so you just want to be left alone – right?” and the nail video is so me:) I just want to talk about it without being given solutions sometimes. My husband and I have been talking about this. I think I’m going to watch this with him! Just smiling right here!

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1. Beth Steffaniak
  
  April 20, 2015 at 12:25 pm
  
  Yes, it’s always helpful to put what is the “elephant in the room” on the table, Maryleigh–especially when we do it in a kind, respectful and gentle way. I’m with you on trying to figure the problem out on my own . . . at least at first. I think many introverts NEED this space much more than extroverts, but either way, we like to be understood over being “fixed” any day!! Hugs to you, my friend!
  
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Nannette Elkins

April 20, 2015 at 4:18 pm

Poor Gary, Poor Gary…lol. This was awesome. You are so good at these vlogs too! So much good “stuff” here, Beth. The nail video is hysterical, I am making sure that The Sweetheart watches BOTH of these because…it’s not about me! ♥

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Nicki Schroeder

April 22, 2015 at 7:46 am

Your videos are always a treat! You are right, it is hard (and often messy) when our marriage relationship becomes blurry. It is a hard lesson to learn, that it’s not all “me me me.” Everyone is entitled to a bad day, we are human. But what we do with that bad day, and how we treat others is key. I love your advice about caring for his emotions, but not taking ownership of them. Good stuff friend, and always done with a carefree lighthearted tone, which is helpful when addressing all the messy stuff. (And the M.S.M. degree, LOVE THAT! ) 🙂

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