When people are in a desperate situation where positive change seems impossible or at least a distant memory, they tend to take on a victim mentality. With a victim mentality, you begin to believe that nothing you or others do will ever improve your situation. But it’s important to recognize the rationalizations that are often behind this kind of thinking—fueling and distorting your perception of reality.
Ask yourself if you’re …
- Avoiding difficulty/conflict
- Afraid of rejection or failure
- Unsure of the outcome
- Tired of trying
Once you’ve identified what really lies behind your sense of hopelessness, you can deal with it directly with positive interventions like learning better communication skills or finding support and perspective through things like Bible reading, journaling, counseling and/or prayer.
Doing something positive that builds and helps you understand and relate to your spouse better can only help, but what I’ve done when I feel helpless that blows even the best communication and relationship strategies away is finding my hope in God. After all, He is the source of all hope. Any other hope we find will not bring about the change we so desperately need. Any other hope we find in this life outside of Christ is but a shadow of His divine hope.
“We have this hope as an anchor for the soul, firm and secure. It enters the inner sanctuary behind the curtain …” Hebrews 6:19 (NIV)
“Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! In his great mercy he has given us new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead …” 1 Peter 1:3 (NIV)
Practically speaking, how do you set your hope in God when you’re facing a desperate situation?
Here’s how I’ve done it –
- I’ve asked God to reveal the many ways I’ve tried to seek hope outside of Him. (Psalm 139:23, 24)
- Then I confess those areas to Him and commit to clinging only to Christ instead of my idols. (1 John 1:9)
- Then I daily, sometimes minute-by-minute, choose to surrender the situation to Him. (John 15:5, James 4:7, 8)
- I tell God (both aloud and in times of prayer) that I am trusting in His hope alone to fix and redeem my marriage (or life) mess. (Psalm 40:1-2, 1 John 5:14-15)
- When I stray (which I do more than I like to admit), I immediately recommit to these steps again. (Proverbs 28:13, James 5:16)
What are some intentional steps you’ve taken—yielding positive results for your marriage?
What are ways you’ve sought and maintained your hope in God alone?
Now, it’s time for Wedded Wednesday!
Write in any way you feel inspired about marriage, parenthood or anything that is spiritually encouraging.
- Enter in a permalink directly to your blog post and not the main URL to your blog.
- Be sure to include a link to Wedded Wednesday or add the WW button (code is in MM’s footer) to your current blog post and/or sidebar.
- Visit and comment on at least one other person’s blog that’s linked up here.
- Please no offensive or inappropriate content or sexually explicit images!
Optional but encouraged:
- Consider setting up your Gravatar profile and Disqus Profile with a link to your blog … it makes it so much easier for all of us to find those of you who blog!
- If you have the time, visit those who visit your blog and comment at their place as well … sort of a “Say it forward.”