Written by Scott and Heather Copple
Messy Marriage Team Members

In-laws can cause all sorts of trouble in a marriage, especially when the married couple allows the intrusion of family. Our family of origin wreaks havoc on our marriage because of the baggage we bring along with us. Now, let the in-laws, themselves, enter the relationship and it can get hurtful, angry and explosive.

My husband’s family has this tendency of telling each other everything. My family is the opposite—we take privacy to a whole new level! Scott and I knew only the ways of our family of origin, so really we are both sort of innocent and guilty.

Scott – 
Early in my relationship with Heather, we were talking with my mom about someone else who had depression. My mom didn’t understand depression and was talking about it in a stereotypical, negative way (all depressed people are nuts and murderers!). I told her that what she believed about depression wasn’t right and informed her that Heather had depression.

Heather –
Scott’s mom had no clue I had depression. She had known me for almost two years by this time, and I just never felt like telling people about it. Only on a need to know basis and … she didn’t need to know.

Scott –
Mom “went stupid” saying very negative and untrue things about depressed people. She didn’t know the truth about it, and I did. I decided to tune her out.

Heather –
It was hard for me to tune her out when she said she didn’t want Scott to marry me. It was upsetting to me when she was worried I would hurt or kill him in one of my depressed episodes. I then started to worry that maybe Scott would reject me because of what she said.

Scott –
This is where “honor your father and mother” does not apply (sarcasm). Sometimes it is just wiser not to follow others. So far, Heather hasn’t lost it or killed me and we have been married for 16 years! Once again, proving my mother doesn’t know it all!

Heather –
It really made me wonder if Scott would turn from me though—because of my issues. It hurt that Scott’s mom didn’t want him to marry me even though she had known me for two years at that point.

Scott –
My mom didn’t know Heather the way I did. I chose Heather and had learned a lot about depression because of her struggle. I knew what I was getting into.

Heather –
Thankfully, Scott’s mom loves me and we can laugh about this now.

Scott –
But she still thinks all depressed people are nuts! Lol!

Heather –
I love my mommy-in-law and we have a wonderful relationship. We drive each other crazy and that’s all part of being a family. But this episode really drove home for me that Scott was choosing to be with me—regardless of my problems or what other people thought. I never again doubted that Scott would have my back when it came to my family or his … and in a marriage that is priceless!

Photo credit by Tashmahal (Flickr)