Today I’m thrilled to have author and marriage blogger Sheila Gregoire as my guest in the “Spring Clean Your Marriage” series. See her bio below to find out more about her, as well as where to connect with her on social media.
We’ve all been there. Whether you are in a hectic season of life, juggling new job, adjusting to a new baby, or just experiencing a slow drift, it’s easy for couples to wind up in a sexual rut.
(If you think I’m lying … I wrote about how my husband and I realized we were drifting apart while I was running a large marriage blog in my book 9 Thoughts that can Change your Marriage … It truly is a universal issue!)
So what do you do to correct course when sex has gotten boring in your marriage?
I’ve got 7 tips to help you “clean up” and rediscover how fun sex can be!
1. Focus on Your Friendship
Sex is intimate and frankly, nobody wants to have sex with someone they don’t particularly like right now! So make time to be a couple.
It’s really easy to get into a habit of crashing in separate rooms, watching Netflix on your own every night. But I want to challenge you to do better than that!
Find a two-player board game to play, go on walks together, or just spend time chatting while you clean up dinner. If you’re looking for a new hobby to try together, I put together of 79 different hobby ideas that are great for couples. There’s bound to be at least one that would be a good fit for you!
By working on your friendship, you start to rebuild the foundation of a great sex life: intimacy and trust. So start doing stuff together again!
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2. Have Sex Regularly
Make sex a priority by literally making it a priority! Now, I’m not saying just have obligation sex—obligation sex doesn’t have the enthusiasm or energy that love-making is supposed to have. It’s perfectly fine to say no to sex if you’re not feeling up to it.
However, making the decision to initiate more frequently and to switch your mindset so you get excited for intimacy can make more frequent sex very enjoyable.
If you’re having trouble getting into that mindset or seeing sex as fun at all, I created an e-course to help women boost their libido. You can check it out here!
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3. Tell Yourself Positive Things about Sex throughout the Day
There’s a world of difference between thinking, “Well, I guess I have to have sex with him tonight,” and thinking, “Tonight we’re going to have sex, baby!” Remember—whatever we think about expands in our minds. So if you’re thinking positively about sex, you’ll feel more positive about it, too.
So think about how much fun you’ll have in the bedroom (and also the amazing sleep you get afterwards!). Think about how you’ll feel empowered—you can bring so much pleasure to each other. And sending a few flirty text messages never hurts, either!
4. Talk about Why it’s been Hard to Connect
Many couples find it easy to get really talking while on a long drive, a long walk, or if you have conversation starters handy. Be intentional about communicating what has been hard and why.
Keith and I regularly speak at Family Life Canada’s Weekend Getaway marriage conferences, and they can be a great fit for couples who would like a guided tour through their marriage.
Here’s the thing: sex is really important. So if scheduling or stress is in the way, then work together to get rid of those barriers to sex!
5. Look out for Damaging Messages You’ve Internalized
There’s a really horrible idea out there in the Christian world right now: that if a woman fails to have enough sex with her husband, he’s got so much pent-up sexual energy that he’ll cheat and she’ll be partly to blame. That’s hogwash.
But it’s a really common message women hear and it can affect us deeply.
I’ve heard many stories from women who have sex with their husbands out of fear that if they don’t he’ll cheat. That isn’t what your husband wants you to be feeling when you make love and it certainly isn’t God’s best for you or your marriage.
If sex isn’t appealing to you, ask yourself—”Am I believing something about sex that isn’t true?” And if you are, replace it with truth.
6. Remember that Sex is for Both of You
It’s also really important, if you’re tired of the way sex has been for you, that you make sure to seek the pleasure of BOTH partners. It’s really easy for sex to be defined as “intercourse ending in male orgasm” but we need to see the woman’s pleasure as integral to the whole, as well.
If you’d like help figuring out how to get sex to feel good, check out my Boost Your Libido course for more information on how to get sex to feel good even if your libido seems to have hit rock bottom!
7. Realize You are Making Choices
Simply put: doing nothing is a choice. It doesn’t feel that way, but it is. Sometimes you need to have some time to unwind, relax, and chill. At other times, you need to do the work to intentionally connect with your mate.
If you aren’t connecting with your spouse, then that’s something that needs to be fixed! You can make choices that will help your marriage get better.
There you have it—7 ways to help make sex less boring!
I want to let you know, too, that if low libido has been a problem in your marriage for some time now and you are feeling discouraged, it doesn’t need to stay that way!
I created my e-course Boost Your Libido to help wives understand how their sex drives work and how to bring desire back to their marriages. If you’re looking for some encouragement, I highly recommend you check it out!
I hope you have fun trying out these ideas! Let me know what you thought of these tips in the comments!
Sheila Gregoire has been married for 25 years and happily married for 20! She loves traveling around North America with her hubby in their RV, giving her signature “Girl Talk” about sex and marriage. She’s written 8 books about sex and marriage and is a wonderful blogger at tolovehonorandvaccum.com. Connect with Sheila here: Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, and Pinterest.
Which of the seven tips intrigues you the most, and why?
What tip would you add to the seven amazing tips Sheila has shared today?
Be sure to join me next week in the “Spring Clean Your Marriage” series, when Angel Penn will be sharing how to clean up and avoid disrespecting your spouse to others. I hope you’ll join us then! Check out the graphic below to discover the other fine bloggers joining me in this series!
Here are some other lovely linkups I join – Inspire Me Monday, Kingdom Bloggers, Literary Musing Mondays, Tea and Word Tuesday, Purposeful Faith, Tell His Story, Recharge Wednesday, Porch Stories Linkup, Welcome Heart, Worth Beyond Rubies Wednesday, Sitting Among Friends, Destination Inspiration, Tune in Thursday, Heart Encouragement, Grace and Truth, Faith and Friends, Faith on Fire Friday, Fresh Market Friday, and DanceWithJesusFriday
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I am a member of the Amazon Associates Program, as well as Sheila Gregoire’s “Boost Your Libido” course. So please be advised that this post and website contain affiliate links that earn an advertising and referral commission for me, if and when you make a purchase through various links found on site.
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