Feeling the Forgiveness

Feeling the Forgiveness. Do you want to know how to feel the forgiveness you need to extend to your mate? Then check out the three step process in this post. #forgive #marriage #offended #Christ #compare

Feeling the Forgiveness. Do you want to know how to feel the forgiveness you need to extend to your mate? Then check out the three step process in this post. #forgive #marriage #offended #Christ #compare

I’ve talked a lot about forgiveness on this blog over the years, because I’ve learned first hand that it’s what brings calmness out of messy moments in my marriage.

So it only makes sense that it should be the foundation of marriage, since forgiveness is the foundation of what Christ did for us in all of our messy and sinful lives.

Even though there are steps in the forgiveness process that help us to clean the slate with our spouses, there are 3 important steps that can help so much more than any others.

[bctt tweet=”3 important steps that can help you to FEEL the forgiveness you need to extend to your mate. #openyourheart” username=”BethSteffaniak”]

I call this the “3 Steps of Comparison.”

Now, there are times when I play the “Comparison Game,” which can very often get me in trouble rather than giving me insight!

But as I seek to forgive, there’s one way to play the Comparison Game that helps both my husband and me to win every single time!

Here’s how these 3 steps work:

  1. I think about or (more likely write about) what I feel my husband has done to hurt or offend me.
  2. I then think about or write about what I’ve done in that same circumstance to hurt or offend him.
  3. Then I think about what Christ has done to forgive me. Going further to compare myself to Christ’s holiness, purity and sacrificial love.

As you might guess, when I take this step of comparing myself to Christ, it helps me to recognize the huge disparity between myself and my Savior.

If I left the comparisons to just the first two—myself and my spouse—I might find a way to feel superior, or worst of all, believe that I’m not as guilty as my spouse.

But when I lay myself alongside Christ, I feel saddened, convicted, and humbled by the reality of my sin.

[bctt tweet=”Laying my life alongside Christ’s brings the conviction and clarity I need to forgive in marriage. #forgivemate” username=”BethSteffaniak”]

A huge shift occurs in my heart—I no longer feel like I am the offended one.

My anger toward my spouse gives way to mercy out of the overflow of mercy I receive from Christ.

May we all strive to remember these important words in our marriages and lives …

Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you. Eph. 4:32


Since confession is good for the soul, tell me …

What is one offense you regularly commit against your mate? 


(Mine is to pridefully resist his leadership)


How intentional are you about practicing forgiveness of your mate and/or others? 


The winner of the Battle Ready giveaway is … Drumroll please! Pati! Let’s hear it for Pati! Congrats on your win and I’ll be in touch to get your mailing address so I can send you the book ASAP! Thank you for entering and supporting MM!

FYI – recently I was honored to be included among 28 other bloggers over at The Screenwriter’s Wife—answering two key questions about marriage: why we got married and why we stay married. I hope you’ll stop by and check out my answers, as well as read those of so many other inspiring spouses!

Here are some lovely linkups I join –Inspire Me MondayLiterary Musing MondaysTea and Word TuesdayPurposeful FaithTell His StoryRecharge WednesdayPorch Stories LinkupBreak Through Homeschooling LinkupCoffee for Your HeartSitting Among FriendsDestination InspirationGrace Moments LinkupTune in ThursdayHeart EncouragementMoments of HopeGrace and TruthFaith and FriendsBlogger Voices NetworkFaith on Fire FridayFresh Market Friday, and DanceWithJesusFriday


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6 responses to “Feeling the Forgiveness”

  1. smiles. a much needed message for sure…and a practical exercise as well…good stuff…


  2. Thanks, Brian!


  3. Christina@toshowthemjesus.com Avatar

    Love the comparison step! Thanks for sharing your wisdom. And thanks for the kind words you left on my blog:)


  4. Hi, Beth! Thanks for stopping by my blog and commenting. I see that you and I are writing on the same topic–forgiveness. In fact, forgiveness is my topic for the whole month of August. I like your steps here. Many people have an intention and a desire to forgive, but they need “how to” steps. That’s what you offer here.


  5. Can I just say that I’ve missed popping in over here? AND I must say… the new new look is FABULOUS! Great blog on forgiveness. I’m picking up what you’re putting down. 🙂


  6. Hey Donna, so glad you did “pop over!” Thanks for noticing, although there’s more to come in the very near future regarding the look of the blog. Thanks, bloggy friend!


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