I’ve talked a lot about forgiveness on this blog over the years, because I’ve learned first hand that it’s what brings calmness out of messy moments in my marriage.

So it only makes sense that it should be the foundation of marriage, since forgiveness is the foundation of what Christ did for us in all of our messy and sinful lives.

Even though there are steps in the forgiveness process that help us to clean the slate with our spouses, there are 3 important steps that can help so much more than any others.

[bctt tweet=”3 important steps that can help you to FEEL the forgiveness you need to extend to your mate. #openyourheart” username=”BethSteffaniak”]

I call this the “3 Steps of Comparison.”

Now, there are times when I play the “Comparison Game,” which can very often get me in trouble rather than giving me insight!

But as I seek to forgive, there’s one way to play the Comparison Game that helps both my husband and me to win every single time!

Here’s how these 3 steps work:

1. I think about or (more likely write about) what I feel my husband has done to hurt or offend me.
2. I then think about or write about what I’ve done in that same circumstance to hurt or offend him.
3. Then I think about what Christ has done to forgive me. Going further to compare myself to Christ’s holiness, purity and sacrificial love.

As you might guess, when I take this step of comparing myself to Christ, it helps me to recognize the huge disparity between myself and my Savior.

If I left the comparisons to just the first two—myself and my spouse—I might find a way to feel superior, or worst of all, believe that I’m not as guilty as my spouse.

But when I lay myself alongside Christ, I feel saddened, convicted, and humbled by the reality of my sin.

[bctt tweet=”Laying my life alongside Christ’s brings the conviction and clarity I need to forgive in marriage. #forgivemate” username=”BethSteffaniak”]

A huge shift occurs in my heart—I no longer feel like I am the offended one.

My anger toward my spouse gives way to mercy out of the overflow of mercy I receive from Christ.

May we all strive to remember these important words in our marriages and lives …

Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you. —Eph. 4:32

Since confession is good for the soul, tell me …

What is one offense you regularly commit against your mate? 

(Mine is to pridefully resist his leadership)

How intentional are you about practicing forgiveness of your mate and/or others? 

The winner of the Battle Ready giveaway is … Drumroll please! Pati! Let’s hear it for Pati! Congrats on your win and I’ll be in touch to get your mailing address so I can send you the book ASAP! Thank you for entering and supporting MM!

FYI – recently I was honored to be included among 28 other bloggers over at The Screenwriter’s Wife—answering two key questions about marriage: why we got married and why we stay married. I hope you’ll stop by and check out my answers, as well as read those of so many other inspiring spouses!

Here are some lovely linkups I join –Inspire Me Monday, Literary Musing Mondays, Tea and Word Tuesday, Purposeful Faith, Tell His Story, Recharge Wednesday, Porch Stories Linkup, Break Through Homeschooling Linkup, Coffee for Your Heart, Sitting Among Friends, Destination Inspiration, Grace Moments Linkup, Tune in Thursday, Heart Encouragement, Moments of Hope, Grace and Truth, Faith and Friends, Blogger Voices Network, Faith on Fire Friday, Fresh Market Friday, and DanceWithJesusFriday

[yikes-mailchimp form=”1″]

amzn_assoc_placement = “adunit0”;
amzn_assoc_search_bar = “true”;
amzn_assoc_tracking_id = “messymarriage-20”;
amzn_assoc_ad_mode = “manual”;
amzn_assoc_ad_type = “smart”;
amzn_assoc_marketplace = “amazon”;
amzn_assoc_region = “US”;
amzn_assoc_title = “My Book & Favorite Marriage Picks”;
amzn_assoc_linkid = “f374f7a454307005f479fafe1640a73c”;
amzn_assoc_asins = “1095488856,0310243149,0310332796,076420405X”;

//z-na.amazon-adsystem.com/widgets/onejs?MarketPlace=US

I am a member of the Amazon Associates Program. So please be advised that this post and website contain affiliate links that earn an advertising and referral commission for me, if and when you make a purchase through various links found on site.

However, this comes with no extra cost to you and will not increase the price you pay for any items you decide to buy on Amazon. It is simply a way for me to earn some support for the ministry expenses of this blog. Thank you in advance for being willing to use any Amazon links as searching tools!

https://www.w3counter.com/tracker.js?id=90776