How Being Broken in Your Marriage is a Good Thing!

Broken in Marriage. Want to know how brokenness in marriage can be a good thing? Plus find 5 types of broken attitudes to bring to the Lord? Click to go to MM! #brokenness #broken #surrender #healing #marriage

Ever ignore something that is or might be broken in your life or marriage? It can be scary and intimidating to face this harsh reality. I know, because I did so with one of my my sons and also with my marriage to its detriment.

Years ago, my two oldest sons were enjoying a fun and unencumbered time of sledding in a laundry basket down our stairs. The problem was, I wasn’t around to police this fun, but dangerous, pastime.

Broken in Marriage. Want to know how brokenness in marriage can be a good thing? Plus find 6 types of broken attitudes to bring to the Lord? Click to go to MM! #brokenness #broken #surrender #healing #marriage

I had left for just a bit to go to the store. And when I came back, my youngest son was scooting around on a blanket. He slid over next to me in the kitchen, while I unpacked my groceries and said …

“I think I hurt my foot, mom.”

I looked down at him and saw nothing discernibly wrong. And since it was just a couple of days before Christmas, I didn’t spend much more time investigating this sore foot of his. Instead, I kept rushing around—getting all of the last minute holiday details in place. 

When it was my son’s bedtime, I had slowed enough to take a good look at his foot once again. This time it was swelling up and turning black and blue. I knew, then and there, that I needed to get his foot checked out by a doctor.

The next day we headed to the ER—eventually finding out that he had fractured three bones in his foot! Eek!

It was then that the story of sledding down the stairs while I was out at the store came to light. What?!

And years later, my oldest son confessed that he had pulled out the blanket his younger brother was resting on, while riding in their makeshift “laundry-basket-sled.” What??!!

This added enough momentum to rocket my middle son forcefully into the wall at the end of the stairs.

I had neglected to take seriously my son’s complaint, since I was oblivious to many of these details.

In hindsight, I realize that I should never have ignored what was sore in favor of an its-no-big-deal approach. #majormomfail

In the same way, we can get going so fast that we don’t stop to examine what is broken in our lives and marriages. But doing so can be the key to unlocking your spouse’s heart and the marriage gridlock you’ve been facing.

I know this because it was my approach in the early days of my marriage as well. I really never took a serious look at what was broken in my life—contributing to the brokenness in my marriage.

Allow me to share several of the broken areas in my life—serving as a checklist of sorts for areas of brokenness in yours.

7 Broken Areas to Examine and Find Healing for Your Marriage 

1. Self-righteous Attitude

This is when we cling to the illusion that we are better or “less sinful” than our spouses.

You and I will forever remain stuck and broken as long as we try to minimize our sin in comparison to our mates.

[bctt tweet=”God wants us to be righteous—never self-righteous in life and marriage. #examinebrokenness” username=”BethSteffaniak”]

Now, I try to always keep in mind this passage …

“If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.”   —1 John 1:8-9

When you and I realize and embrace that “sin is sin,” God can fill up the cracks in our hearts and marriages with His grace.

2. Entitled

This is when you or I think we deserve certain treatment from our mates. Instead, we need to keep a submissive (Eph. 5:21-22) and sacrificial attitude (Eph. 5:25) in our marriages. Naturally, your mate should consider your needs above his/her own, but this can never be demanded by you.

Responding with Christlikeness means focusing on our own responsibility, and not on what we desire from our mates. God works wonders with this kind of humble, yielded, and trusting response in our marriages.

3. Laziness or Taking Your Mate for Granted

I wasn’t so much lazy in my life as I was in my marriage. There were times when I poured myself far too much into my children to the neglect of my husband. I assumed he would always put up with it and always be there. But doing this will only lead to more and more brokenness in marriage and life. God desires for us to be diligent in all areas of life and marriage.

4. Lustful

This is something I’ve struggled with in the past. God has brought great healing to my heart since I’ve rooted this out and replaced it with devotion to my Master, as well as my mister. 😉 Click here to read more about my failure in this respect.

5. Perfectionistic

You might be asking, “Isn’t this a good thing?” It is only if God is the One producing the perfection that reflects His perfect heart. Otherwise, you will fall prey to certain temptations like: a prideful attitude (see self-righteous above!), shame and guilt, workaholism, insecurity, etc.

[bctt tweet=”These extensions of perfectionism corrupt rather than perfect you and your marriage! See what they are! #perfectionism” username=”BethSteffaniak”]

6. Self-deceived

Naturally, I can be deceived by the Enemy (read my post about that here). But more often than not, I deceive myself when I listen to my own heart and feelings, instead of turning to God for His truth (Jer. 17:9, I Cor. 3:18, 1 Jn. 1:8). This can be especially disastrous in marriage, since we need God’s truth to heal our brokenness.

7. Your Particular Issue

Don’t see any areas of brokenness that you can relate to? Then know that God will happily reveal your particular issues to you too.

How to discover God’s healing for the brokenness in your life and marriage …

  • Prayerfully ask God to examine your heart for these sins and many others that might be going unaddressed.
  • Read God’s word regularly—looking for how you can and should apply the truth of each reading in your day.
  • Seek out a godly, same-gender partner to pray for you and hold you accountable on the areas of brokenness in your life and marriage.

The beautiful thing about this process is, as we confess and turn these broken areas over to our Savior, He is able to transform us like never before!

God works like a Master Craftsman—transforming and redeeming our brokenness into a beautiful and colorful mosaic that catches the light of the Son!

Mosaic Marriage involves God redeeming the brokenness. Want to know how? Click on the link to read more. #brokenness #brokenmarriage #marriage #Godheals #redemption

[bctt tweet=”Let God make you into His beautiful marriage mosaic today! #brokenandbeautiful” username=”BethSteffaniak”]

“He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.” —Psalm 147:3


Which of the broken areas that I’ve struggled with can you relate to? 


How have you seen Christ heal your marriage after giving Him your brokenness?


I am currently taking a summer blogging break, so I won’t be responding to comments on this post. But be sure to join me Tuesday, July 3rd, when I’ll be featuring a guest post from Kelly Balarie about her new book, Battle Ready. You won’t want to miss that one!

Also, during my break, I will be reposting old, but updated content, so keep coming back by to fill up your cup for inspiration all summer long!

Last of all, I would really appreciate it if you would pin or share this post on Facebook or Twitter while I’m away. You’ll be making my summer that much sweeter, if you do! Thanks so much and happy summer, everyone!

Here are some lovely linkups I join – Inspire Me MondayLiterary Musing MondaysTea and Word TuesdayPurposeful FaithTell His StoryRecharge WednesdayPorch Stories LinkupBreak Through Homeschooling LinkupCoffee for Your HeartSitting Among FriendsDestination InspirationGrace Moments LinkupTune in ThursdayHeart EncouragementMoments of HopeGrace and TruthFaith and FriendsBlogger Voices NetworkFaith on Fire FridayFresh Market Friday, and DanceWithJesusFriday


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