The Unfair Task of Praying for Your Marriage Even If It Feels Passive

Pray for Marriage. This post tells you when and how you need to pray for your marriage. #prayer #marriage #marriageincrisis #marriageprayer

We all have heard the phrase, “Well, if all else fails, at least we can pray about it!” It’s like you’ve tried everything else to get your marriage back on track and nothing has worked. So, I guess it’s time to get busy praying! 😉

Well, yes and no.

Pray for Marriage. This post tells you when and how you need to pray for your marriage. #prayer #marriage #marriageincrisis #marriageprayer

It is time to pray. But it was also time to pray long before your marriage troubles came along. I don’t say that as a judgment or way to make you feel guilty. I say that because it’s true and because I’ve experienced both the failure of not praying beforehand, as well as the fruit of praying before, during and after.

In the early and very messy marriage years, my husband and I would easily get into arguments that often spiraled out of control. It was then that I would rush out the door to go for a walk or drive to a park to simply get away. Thankfully, I didn’t just “get away” for the sake of escaping. I would pray.

You know the kind … ugly-cry prayers. Down-on-my-knees-and-begging-for-God’s-help kind of prayers.

These prayers deepened my walk with God. They taught me to rely on Him when I was more apt to rely on myself (2 Cor. 1:8-10).

But I have to wonder if I had been praying beforehand on a daily basis for my marriage, would the arguments have been quite so prevalent or hurtful? Would the wounds have cut so deep?

All I can say is that now I do pray for my marriage beforehand, during, as well as after. And now the arguments have become a rarity. When they do erupt, we are better able to remain calm, or at the very least, to return to a peaceful disposition more quickly.

I’m also more satisfied in my marriage and I believe my husband would say the same.

When should you pray for your marriage?

1. At All Times

Rejoice always, pray continually …  —1 Thessalonians 5:16-17

There isn’t one single time that you should stop praying for your marriage in your day. God wants you to constantly reach out to Him and rely on His strength in your weakness.

2. When You Feel Anxious

Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.  —Philippians 4:6-7

This is a daily battle for me since I struggle with anxiety. There’s just something soothing and peaceful about reaching out to the comfort of Jesus in my chaos.

3. When You Need Wisdom

If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you.  James 1:5

I constantly need wisdom, though I don’t always see it when I’m feeling angry and mistreated. Did you know that your IQ drops 15 points when you’re angry? All the more reason to …

[bctt tweet=”Seek God’s wisdom in a cooling-down and wising-up time of prayer! #prayforclarity #wisemate” username=”BethSteffaniak”]

4. When You’re in Pain and Trouble

Is anyone among you in trouble? Let them pray.  —James 5:13a

This is what compels me toward deep, mournful times of prayer. When my husband and I have an angry argument, I feel incredible pain. That’s when I run like a hurting child to my Father’s embrace. If you’ve never experienced the comfort that the Father can bring to your pain, then don’t wait another minute to experience it!

5. When You Don’t Know How to Pray

In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with wordless groans.  —Romans 8:26

Sometimes the pain is so deep that we don’t have words. All we can do is sit silently before the Lord—surrendering our aching hearts and broken marriages to Him. But that’s when the Spirit goes to work—even doing the groaning for us! And these groans are perfectly understood and ministered to by God in our time of need.

3 Transformational Ways to Pray

1. Daily With or For Your Mate

Back about six years ago, my husband and I decided to make a commitment to pray daily with each other. Don’t know why we didn’t start this sooner! Regardless, we now do this in the morning in order to start our day off with a united focus on God. And we haven’t stopped since!

Amazingly, this prayer habit has also drastically cut the number of arguments we have. If we skip, the tension is noticeable almost immediately! 😉

Do you have a spouse who is uncomfortable with praying out loud together?

Then hold hands and pray silently together.

Does your spouse resist praying with you altogether?

Then be the one to pray on your own for your mate and marriage daily.

Btw, do NOT manipulate or guilt your mate into praying with you! This should be something entered into of your mate’s own freewill.

[bctt tweet=”Praying with my mate has drastically cut the number of arguments we have. Find out how you can start this transformational practice!” username=”BethSteffaniak”]

2. As a Way to Process and Prepare for a Healing Conversation

Prayer-processing has become my mainstay in marriage. And I use a “Prayer Process” tool—something I’ve also referred to as an Argument Autopsy—since you use it soon after an argument. Once I’ve prayed and processed, I always come out of those times with God better able to graciously and wisely discuss the issue with my husband.

God is so good to give me clarity, humility, and a peacemaker spirit when I’ve come to Him with my conflict.

This paves the way for the follow-up conversation that at least involves an apology for your part of the conflict if done for no other reason (see James 5:16).

[bctt tweet=”Prayer AND confession are essential to bring healing to your marriage. See James 5:16. #healingprayers #apologiesinmarriage” username=”BethSteffaniak”]

3. With Prayer Partners

“… If two of you on earth agree about anything they ask for, it will be done for them by my Father in heaven. For where two or three gather in my name, there am I with them.”  —Matthew 18:19-20

I’ve been in a marriage prayer group for at least six or seven years now. We have 14 wives in this group who pray for each other daily—sometimes together, but most times in spirit. I cannot begin to tell you how healing and helpful this has been for my marriage.

But you don’t need a group to do this. Just find one godly same-sex married friend and start praying for each other daily—starting today! 😉

Below is a Marriage Prayer that I hope you will begin to pray daily for your marriage, especially if your marriage is struggling in any way. (Click here and you can download it from Dropbox at the “…” in the upper right corner.)

Marriage Prayer. This post includes a printable marriage prayer that is especially helpful in messy moments of marriage. #messymarriage #messy #marriage #trials #prayer #faithinGod

What is another way to pray that has helped bring healing to your marriage?


What issues are you struggling with in your marriage? I’d love to pray for you!


Click on the link to read more posts in this series: The 10 Unfair Realities in Marriage. I’d also love it if you’d stop by Lifelettercafe to read my latest LifeLine devotional – The Blessing of Adversity. Yes! It can be a blessing! So come by to find out how!

Here are some lovely linkups I join – Inspire Me MondayLiterary Musing MondaysDream Together LinkupTea and Word TuesdayJennifer Dukes LeeGlimpses Linkup,  Break Through Homeschooling LinkupCoffee for Your HeartSitting Among FriendsGrace and TruthGrace Moments LinkupTune in ThursdayMoments of HopeFaith and FriendsFresh Market Friday, and DanceWithJesusFriday


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4 responses to “The Unfair Task of Praying for Your Marriage Even If It Feels Passive”

  1. […] lovely linkups I join – Inspire Me Monday, Literary Musing Mondays, Tea and Word Tuesday, Purposeful Faith, Tell His Story, Recharge Wednesday, Porch Stories Linkup, Break Through Homeschooling […]


  2. […] some lovely linkups I join –Inspire Me Monday, Literary Musing Mondays, Tea and Word Tuesday, Purposeful Faith, Tell His Story, Recharge Wednesday, Porch Stories Linkup, Break Through Homeschooling […]


  3. I pray that you will realize
    that you can’t do this life alone,
    and you’ll see, with open eyes,
    that your strength is not your own,
    but comes down from the Lord above;
    you’re every day in His warm care,
    surrounded by a mighty love
    that if you let it, sees you fair
    through the hardness of my dying,
    through the anguish that you feel;
    darling, truly, I’m not lying
    when I say the only deal
    is to believe the Word is true,
    and let your Father carry you.


  4. […] Unfair Task of Praying for Your Marriage Even If it Feels Passive […]


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