Picking Hubby’s Brain on Openness

Men and Openness

Today I’m excited to kick-off a new video series called, “Picking Hubby’s Brain” where I will be exploring what my man thinks on topics that are a mystery to many of us women and wives—in particular to me! 😉

Today’s topic for exploration is on “Men and Openness.”  There’s so much wisdom and clarity on this that I’m gleaning as I interview my husband—and I’m certain it will bless you and your hubby as much as it is us! In fact, our hope is that you’ll sit and watch this video together as a couple and then click on the discussion guide to use in your own effort to “pick your hubby’s brain!”


[Tweet ” Join us for “Picking Hubby’s Brain” – a video exploring the challenges of openness in marriage.”]

[Tweet “Find great ways to encourage your man to open up by viewing the video “Picking Hubby’s Brain!””]

What is something you are doing to encourage more openness and vulnerability with your spouse?


What have you done to prepare your heart for difficult conversations like these?

PHB Circle


Linking up with – Marriage Mondays, The Weekend Brew, Making Your Home SingMondays @ Soul Survival,  Sunday Stillness,  Sharing His Beauty, Spiritual Sundays, Words with Winter, DanceWithJesusFriday and  Playdates with God


12 responses to “Picking Hubby’s Brain on Openness”

  1. Such important reminders for us all. On this topic I must remind myself first and foremost to “listen”, not fill in words for him, not carry the conversation off in a different direction…wait through his pauses, with while in forms a thought, listen to his heart behind the words.


    1. Great insights, Lisa. Your description of this patient and cooperative process reminds me of how often I like to walk faster than my hubby. He always tells me to slow down and stay by his side and I think that’s what you’re saying about how you need to listen to your hubby. We need to stay by their side and let them go at their own pace. Thanks for your encouragement, my friend!


  2. You and Gary will be glad to know that Tim and I watched the video together and really enjoyed it. He was fidgeting a bit … I think he felt Gary’s anxiety … but did pretty well til I mentioned the discussion guide and he turned a whiter shade of pale!


    One week at a time!

    Thanks for giving our Sunday afternoon a bit of a kick, you guys!


    1. You two are too funny! I love that Tim watched the video with you and that you are open enough to share with me his anxiety. Sounds like we are “four” peas in a pod! I think it’s especially daunting being married to a counselor, Linda. Our guys have the deck stacked against them. 😉 Thanks for your encouragement as always, girlfriend!


  3. This is great! I’m gonna share this with my man.I love the Feelings Inside Not Expressed. Wow-that’s so true! Fine, good, okay and bad are the typical words I hear. Good for Gary for overcoming something out of his comfort zone (just tell him not to let his words drop off at the end of his thoughts–I sometimes couldn’t hear him) 🙂


    1. I do hope so, Mary! And yes, most men don’t have a lot of feeling words to draw from. That might mean revoking their “man card!” ha! Yes, it’s been a challenge for him which baffles me because he is a pastor! He’s stood in front of thousands and yet gets weak in the knees on a six minute video! Maybe it’s the subject manner or the fact that he wasn’t the one leading the way, but I think you’ll see him taking charge one of these days on a video we record. It’s simply a matter of time! Lol!

      And yes, we were aware of that, but Gary did NOT want to shoot it again. So I tried to use the subtitles to get his points across. He knows to speak more loudly next time–which again, is another thing that’s weird. He’s got a very loud voice most of the time and people typically ask ME to speak up! Here’s to the roles reversing! Thanks so much for your encouragement, my friend. It means so much to me!


  4. What a great way to show other couples about talking about each other’s feelings. There is something about being able to visually watch, hear and then interact with the discussion guide that will be helpful to many couples.

    Way to go Gary for making it through the video. That was brave and I pray it gets easier for you next time! 🙂


    1. I do hope so, Mary–that it is a helpful visual. I don’t always realize it as I’m doing it, but I really let Gary talk without much interruption. That’s sort of my tack as a counselor, but isn’t always my tack when we are in the middle of a heated exchange. I think it’s something to strive for all of the time, though and hopefully it’s something other women will pick up on. We need to open our ears and shut our mouths. That alone can be the most inviting way to get our man to open up. Thanks also for encouraging Gary. He sure needs it! As I said to Mary below, we only did one take of this and even with some loudness issues, he did NOT want to record it again. It’s a work in progress for sure! 😉


  5. Andrew Budek-Schmeisser Avatar
    Andrew Budek-Schmeisser

    Very brave on both of your parts – I think you’ve helped a lot of couples, started a lot of conversations that will result in richer, happier marriages.

    For my part – and perhaps as a function of terminal illness and other things – I’m not sure if my feelings really ‘mean’ anything. They don’t seem to matter. There are set responsibilities that must be met, and what I feel about them or anything else doesn’t come into play. This is NOT a ‘no one cares how I feel!’ whine…the point is that I am, myself, past caring about it, except in minimizing inefficiency in that which I can still do.

    I’m not sure if this attitude is an identifiable psychological archetype, or merely an outlier.



    1. Thanks so much, Andrew. I do hope it is helpful and gives a bit of the male perspective around my place–something that I know is sorely lacking.

      I’m sure that much of what you feel is tinged by pain, grief, as well as depression. All of which make it very hard to work through or identify with your mate. But I’m grateful for the way you process how you feel on your blog. I’m sure that’s where most of your emotional expression is used and used in such a powerful way. Thanks for your encouragement, my friend. I know it is a sacrifice to come by and I appreciate it!


  6. This is wonderful. Too often I don’t consider the reasons why my husband my not be opening up. Most likely that reason is me! How fun to have your husband participating in this series with you.


  7. […] Be sure to check out the video interview I did with my hubby recently on the subject of why it’s difficult for him as a man to open up and share his feelings. It’s really quite revealing and helpful. You can go directly to that post here. […]


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