Last week we had the privilege of having Robi Smith of Hopeful Wife Today share a piece of her very brave testimony about her husband’s pornography addiction and how they are working toward putting their marriage together with God’s help. However, I noticed that Robi responded to a comment in the comment section, saying that counseling really did not do anything to improve her marriage situation.
So today I want to share my perspective on why counseling doesn’t always work and open the dialogue in the comment section for your input on why counseling may not work or may not appear to work.
Let me get the ball rolling by listing why counseling may not work …
- Because you’ve sought the help of a finite human being who is either not handling the issues professionally, thoroughly or with the best perspective in your counseling time.
- Because an unhealthy dynamic has developed in the counseling relationship where the counselor feels an attraction or simply an affinity with your spouse—causing a feeling of “you against them” in the counseling sessions.
- Because you and/or your spouse are not entering the counseling relationship with an openness and receptivity to what needs to be dealt with or changed.
- Because you or your spouse have not admitted to yourselves, the counselor or each other what may be the true catalyst for the dysfunction you’ve been experiencing in the marriage.
- Because you’ve sought the help of a counselor who may be equipped in some areas, but may not be skilled or trained well enough in the area where you are most in need of his/her expertise.
- Because the truths that the counselor has discussed and challenged you and your spouse with are not being applied by one or both of you outside of counseling time.
- Because you did not include God in your process of change. Minimal change can occur without God’s help, but it will not be lasting or significant, and you may mistake that lack of improvement for weakness in your counselor’s efforts.
I believe that counseling and coaching are vital to overcoming the challenging issues we all face in life—especially when it comes to addictions and affairs. We need the objectivity and perspective a neutral third party can bring to the accountability and support aspect of recovery.
However, I also know that there are a lot of flawed and ineffective counselors out there, as well as, some who are downright rotten! These situations and persons often leave a bad taste for counseling in the mouths of those who’ve encountered this scenario.
[Tweet “Choosing a good counselor is as difficult and daunting as choosing a good heart surgeon. “]
You want someone who knows exactly what they are doing, for sure!
I also don’t believe that counseling is the end-all be-all of every problem. But it is one intervention among many that must be included in an arsenal of support, perspective and help when facing hard challenges in life.
[Tweet “Share some of the reasons counseling has failed for you at MM today! #counselingfail”]
What do you think?
What would you add to my list of reasons why counseling may not work or appear to work?
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