Creating a confessional culture is not for the faint of heart, especially if you are trying to do so in a deeply wounded and dysfunctional marriage. As a marriage life-coach and counselor, I’d say that the majority of folks I deal with are in a relationship where one partner is doing most of the humbling and confessional work while the other is resistant, detached and stonewalling.

Most of the time in these situations, one of the main secrets to breaking through is perseverance on the part of the “worker-bee.” Sadly, there are times when no amount of perseverance will break through that {stone}wall of resistance. Often in these cases, divorce is the outcome— and it’s not necessarily initiated by the “worker bee” as you might expect.

However, I have also seen couples who’ve stayed together regardless of this unhealthy dynamic because the “worker bee” has learned to sip the honey and sweetness from the Lord’s “garden of flowers”—keeping that worker bee content and happily distracted with higher and better purposes in life. Yes, this kind of scenario is rare, but with God’s grace and strength it is more than possible!

What if you are in a situation like that? What should you do? Where should you begin?

Well, referring to the posts I’ve written on creating a confessional culture are a great place to start (click here for a complete listing). But that’s not where it ends.

You must also add in at least two very important choices to your arsenal—making sure to do both!

1. Adjust your expectations …

… By not looking primarily to your spouse for the comfort and intimacy you long for. Accept that your spouse may never see the importance of being humble and repentant with you or with the Lord. Quit beating your head against a wall, thinking that your good choices/actions will change your spouse.* Ultimately, only the Lord can do that and even He limits Himself if someone rejects Him time after time after time {see Prov. 29:1, Is. 65:12. Mt. 3:9-10, Mt. 10:14-16, Mt. 12:31-32, Rom. 1:18-32}.

2. Instead passionately pursue the Lord as your “Husband.”

“‘For your Maker is your husband—the Lord Almighty is his name—the Holy One of Israel is your Redeemer; he is called the God of all the earth. The Lord will call you back as if you were a wife-deserted and distressed in spirit—a wife who married young, only to be rejected,’ says your God.” ~Isaiah 54:5-6

[Tweet “Whenever your spouse is not there for you … Pursue God!”]
[Tweet “Whenever your spouse is unwilling to work on the marriage … Pursue God!”]
[Tweet “Whenever your spouse is quick to accuse and slow to apologize … Pursue God!”]

I know that what I’m saying is often extremely painful and can be devastatingly lonely at times, but that’s when the Lord’s healing and comfort are poured down abundantly, as well as, felt more sweetly. {To read more on how to rely on and grow closer to the Lord, check out this post.}

“Bee” that kind of spouse!

Do you agree? Can a spouse find lasting joy and contentment in such a hopeless marriage? Why or why not?

If you have been in any kind of hopeless scenario, what Bible verses have added God’s sweetness and love to your life?

*If abuse is part of your marriage dynamic, then remaining in the relationship without certain boundaries being respected is neither healthy nor wise. Making the choice to remove yourself for purposes of protection from your spouse should be discussed with the help of a counselor trained specifically in issues of abuse, as well as, the careful process of separating from an abuser.

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