It’s easy to fall into a codependent or entitled mindset in marriage when we focus on the legitimate “needs” our spouse should be meeting in our lives.

You might be thinking, “Come again? Shouldn’t I focus on meeting the needs of my spouse?

And I would say a resounding, “YES, you should!”

I think being aware of and meeting the needs of our spouses should be something we aim for continually!

The trouble comes when you express your needs to your spouse and then expect your spouse {“sloppy expectations” strike again!} to remember to meet them every time they have the opportunity. So when your spouse forgets or simply doesn’t give back to you, you feel entitled to become angry and/or hurt. {Come on! You know you do . . . at least every once in a while!}

It’s a simple formula that quickly spirals into dysfunction and negativity. It goes like this . . .

Communication of my needs to my spouse plus opportunity to have my needs met minus my spouse actually meeting my need equals discouragement and division or D² {for all you math lovers out there!}.

In short order, D² can lead to anger and bitterness—dooming the marriage that you thought was headed for bliss . . . all because of your spectacular intentionality and laser-like focus on meeting just the right needs as well as considering your spouse’s “love language” to boot! 😉

How’s that for bittersweet irony?

So have you gone for a ride on this entitlement merry-go-round with your spouse? I’ve been on it and, let me tell you, it’s no fun! The “ride” will most certainly send you reeling and potentially “tossing your cookies”—probably in the lap of your spouse! Hmmm, wonder what love language that might communicate? Ewww!

How do we escape this entitlement or obligation mindset that often comes with expressing what we “need” to our mates?

Bottom line . . . we don’t really “need” anything from our spouse! Sure, we desire for our spouses to love and protect us. We also long for our spouses to give us attention and affection. And, it’s true that our marriages won’t thrive without constant nurturing and care. But . . .

[Tweet “Is your spouse really the ‘source’ that you should expect to meet your needs?”]

I think when you “expect” {translation – “demand”} that your spouse will meet your needs, you make your spouse into a god &/or idol.

Conversely, to try and meet your spouse’s needs in your own strength is to make yourself a “god.”

[Tweet “God is the only One who can meet our needs and He is the Power through which we meet them.”]

Does this all mean that we should never communicate what we would like from our mates? No. But it does mean we should nip that entitlement or sloppy expectation in its’ tracks as quickly as the request falls off our lips!

What do you think? Am I taking this perspective too far?

How do you think you should communicate any “desires” you have to your mate and what would a healthy expectation be like to go along with that?

Joining with my friends at Giving Up on Perfect, Wifey Wednesday, Mondays @ Soul Survival, Coffee and Conversation, So Much at Home and Wholehearted Wednesday.

Now it’s time for Wedded Wednesday . . .

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