Will you meet ‘my’ needs? SJT Video

SJT Alternate

In this video, I share how anytime I seek my independence and focus on getting “my needs”* met in marriage, I create something of a “tug-of-war” with my husband. I offer a “work-in-progress” strategy that has changed the dynamic and atmosphere of my marriage drastically for the better whenever I use it!

I hope you’ll check it out below and hop on over to Youtube to subscribe to my “Messy Marriage Youtube Channel” as well! 🙂



What do you fear most about surrendering “your needs” for the benefit of your marriage?


How has fighting for your needs discouraged you in your marriage?


How has surrendering your needs for the benefit of your marriage encouraged you?


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*BTW, I am NOT saying you shouldn’t discuss your needs with your spouse in a gracious and respectful way at times. But I am saying, that if your main focus is on getting your needs met, you will most likely create a dynamic that polarizes you from your spouse as well as heightening your spouse’s defenses. Just saying’!  😉


Linking up with – Marriage Mondays,  Making Your Home Sing,  Unforced Rhythms,  Sunday Stillness,  Sharing His Beauty  and  Playdates with God

5 responses to “Will you meet ‘my’ needs? SJT Video”

  1. Great video. Just the right amount of time too. Adverserial…great choice of words. When we think like Christ, it does become a joy to serve, instead of receiving.


  2. Andrew Budek-Schmeisser Avatar
    Andrew Budek-Schmeisser

    This is a wonderful concept – and very well presented.

    It can be hard to put into action, though; and I wonder if giving to the Lord when one doesn’t feel like giving to one’s spouse falls a bit into the admonition not to pray until one has forgiven one’s foes. I’m not sure, but we may be called upon to pass through the narrow gate of giving to our spouses before giving to the Lord is meaningful.

    If I may, I would like to propose another possible approach – discerning what one needs from the marriage, rather than from one’s spouse. Saying “What I need from our relationship…” is much less threatening than “What I need from YOU…”, which can sound rather like a one-sided conversation with Capone.

    It should be remembered, I think, that God Incarnate did not only come to give; He needs us. Creation was not a favour bestowed, but a necessity fulfilled.

    He’s definite about certain things – not many, but vital – that He needs from us, and He allows that there are things we need – and He anticipates them.

    Yours in Christ, yours in hope –




  3. MYTH ALERT: Marriage will make you happy. Sometimes, surely, in all the best ways. But marriage is one of God’s ways to make us HOLY and that can hurt as self goes down screaming. Good video again, Beth. Keep ’em coming…


  4. Thank you for sharing what you’re learning, in-process, in your marriage. There is certainly something to be said for being mindful of what our main focus is and how we communicate our needs with our spouse.


  5. Very good and interesting idea.

    I think we tend to go the other way, “I don’t need anything from you”, “I don’t want you to do anything for me.” Literally: I will say something about my situation; W will say, “Do you want me to do X?”; I will always say, “No thank you, I can do Y.” That is obvs just as harmful if not more so.

    I like the idea of feeding the relationship.


    (I’ve watched this one a few times. There’s a lot in it I think)


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