Feel Alone in Marriage or Life?

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I’ve been scouring over my journals from my very messy marriage years because I’m working on writing the book – Messy Marriage {Yay!}. And as I’ve done so, I’ve recalled how alone and alienated I often felt during those years {Not so Yay!}.

In a messy marriage it’s easy to feel that you and your spouse are not in this together when there’s hostility or resentment present. And very often we pull away from friendships and spiritual support at those times because we fear that our messy marriage will be exposed, which in turn, causes the chasm of loneliness to grow deeper and wider.

If you’re feeling alone in a messy marriage or simply in life, then here are some practical steps that I took {and still take} to bridge the gap …

Meditate on Christ’s love and nearness
Do you take the time each day to realize just how very deeply Christ loves you? Imagine him sitting near you. Hold his hand. Imagine the scars on His hands, His brow and remind yourself that He suffered that pain for you. Imagine Him holding you and giving you the comfort you so desperately desire. Use Bible verses, like Psalm 23 or Romans 8:35-37* or others that speak of Christ’s love for you to anchor your meditations upon. Christ wants to be and is the Lover of your soul.

Seek Godly Support
Fight the tendency to withdraw and reach out instead. If you have a godly same-sex friend, mentor or counselor {or all three} who can listen and walk with you through this trial, then schedule time with them on a regular basis. You’ll be surprised how much better you’ll feel after just one caring encounter.

Practice Gratitude
Make a point to thank God for not just the good but especially the “challenging” in your day. Whisper a prayer of thanks when you encounter that difficult person or situation. Say something like, “Father, thank you for this difficult moment. I pray you’d use it to teach me how to respond more like you.” Thank Him in the small things. Thank Him even in the things that didn’t happen, like almost getting rear-ended by the texting driver behind you! Pray that God would open your eyes to His little and big gifts all throughout your day.

I can’t guarantee that your situation will improve if you do these three things, but I know my “feelings” and “sense of connection” improved drastically when I did and still do these things. They are mainstays in my life now and I can’t imagine going without them, and I bet they’ll do the same for you!

What have you done to bridge the gap of loneliness in life and/or marriage?

Have you done any of these steps I’ve mentioned? Which ones have made the biggest difference?

*“Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? As it is written: ‘For your sake we face death all day long; we are considered as sheep to be slaughtered.’ No in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us.” –Romans 8:35-37 (NIV)

photo by bibekthecrony 

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Joining with NOBH, Works for Me Wednesday, To Love Honor and Vacuum Whimsical Wednesday, and T.G.I.F.
 
Now, it’s time for Wedded Wednesday!

WW rules:

Write in any way you feel inspired about marriage, parenthood or anything that reflects Christ’s redemption in your life.

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Come join our Wednesday Link-up!

39 responses to “Feel Alone in Marriage or Life?”

  1. this is so interesting, Beth. many of the single women I’ve worked with are sure that when they meet a man their loneliness will simply vanish like smoke in the wind. yet some of the loneliest women i’ve talked with are married …
    and, for sure, when all is said and done, only Christ can fill that yawning emptiness that lurks deep within, no matter if we’ve got a ring on that left hand or not.

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  2. this is so interesting, Beth. many of the single women I’ve worked with are sure that when they meet a man their loneliness will simply vanish like smoke in the wind. yet some of the loneliest women i’ve talked with are married …and, for sure, when all is said and done, only Christ can fill that yawning emptiness that lurks deep within, no matter if we’ve got a ring on that left hand or not.

    Like

  3. I agree gratitude is huge! I so often apply this to my marriage…when my husband does something to irritate me, I (try to) immediately replace those thoughts with something positive, like “he is loyal,” or “he is a loving dad” and I always end up thanking God for my husband, even when my sin nature would rather complain. Thank you for your ministry, Beth! Can’t wait for the book!

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  4. I agree gratitude is huge! I so often apply this to my marriage…when my husband does something to irritate me, I (try to) immediately replace those thoughts with something positive, like “he is loyal,” or “he is a loving dad” and I always end up thanking God for my husband, even when my sin nature would rather complain. Thank you for your ministry, Beth! Can’t wait for the book!

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  5. Wise advice…all of it, as usual. And these principles apply to any difficulty in life. I especially need to remember to practice gratitude. Thanks for the link party too, Beth.

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  6. Wise advice…all of it, as usual. And these principles apply to any difficulty in life. I especially need to remember to practice gratitude. Thanks for the link party too, Beth.

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  7. I well remembered being lonely, Beth. Both inside a bad marriage that ended and during singleness. And growing my relationship with Jesus and even talking out loud to Him when home alone — as if He were my husband {which He is!} was the biggest thing to abate those moments. Also, I found service to others to be extremely helpful both to them and for me. My life is so different now, thankfully. And my Michael and I have a very good marriage AND tomorrow we are off to Cape Ann, MA where we eloped to celebrate our anniversary on the 18th. Praising God…thanks for the link up.

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  8. I well remembered being lonely, Beth. Both inside a bad marriage that ended and during singleness. And growing my relationship with Jesus and even talking out loud to Him when home alone — as if He were my husband {which He is!} was the biggest thing to abate those moments. Also, I found service to others to be extremely helpful both to them and for me. My life is so different now, thankfully. And my Michael and I have a very good marriage AND tomorrow we are off to Cape Ann, MA where we eloped to celebrate our anniversary on the 18th. Praising God…thanks for the link up.

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  9. I’m glad that you suggested talking to a same-sex friend. We have a friend whose first marriage broke up because his wife confided her problems to her male-friend. They had an affair and she left her husband for him.

    Thanks for hosting today!

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  10. I’m glad that you suggested talking to a same-sex friend. We have a friend whose first marriage broke up because his wife confided her problems to her male-friend. They had an affair and she left her husband for him.Thanks for hosting today!

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  11. Beth, thank you so much for sharing this so succinctly. I know that when my mess of a marriage hit the fan (so to speak) back in 2003, it was only through God’s grace and the two beautiful women He sent to walk it out with me that I’m sharing the story of redemption we tell today. God created us for relationship, the enemy spends so much of his time telling us lies to isolate us.

    We’ve got a private group on facebook that exists to encourage and pray with/for husbands and wives whose spouses have ‘gone prodigal,’ and we share these very steps. Think I’ll post this blog link in the group to share with them!!

    So glad to be in the fight for marriages with you!! Intentionally Yours and I LOVE Messy Marriage!

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  12. Beth, thank you so much for sharing this so succinctly. I know that when my mess of a marriage hit the fan (so to speak) back in 2003, it was only through God’s grace and the two beautiful women He sent to walk it out with me that I’m sharing the story of redemption we tell today. God created us for relationship, the enemy spends so much of his time telling us lies to isolate us. We’ve got a private group on facebook that exists to encourage and pray with/for husbands and wives whose spouses have ‘gone prodigal,’ and we share these very steps. Think I’ll post this blog link in the group to share with them!!So glad to be in the fight for marriages with you!! Intentionally Yours and I LOVE Messy Marriage!

    Like

  13. It’s amazing what looking through old journals opens up isn’t it. So glad that you were brought to the point of remembering but are also able to move forward and encourage others who are on that path as well.

    Blessings!
    Megan

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  14. It’s amazing what looking through old journals opens up isn’t it. So glad that you were brought to the point of remembering but are also able to move forward and encourage others who are on that path as well.Blessings!Megan

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  15. Dear Beth
    A good heart-to-heart is like good medicine, but I have found that just spending time with God works wonders for me! Marriage is difficult, but also wonderful when you and your spouse both walk with Jesus and consider the other more important than yourself. That takes some MAJOR humbling before God.
    Blessings XX
    Mia

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  16. Dear BethA good heart-to-heart is like good medicine, but I have found that just spending time with God works wonders for me! Marriage is difficult, but also wonderful when you and your spouse both walk with Jesus and consider the other more important than yourself. That takes some MAJOR humbling before God.Blessings XXMia

    Like

  17. Loneliness in marriage is a symptom of so many things, among them: identity placed in spouse, enmeshment, but also unfulfilled, legitimate desires. Thanks for opening yourself up here. Great post.

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  18. Loneliness in marriage is a symptom of so many things, among them: identity placed in spouse, enmeshment, but also unfulfilled, legitimate desires. Thanks for opening yourself up here. Great post.

    Like

  19. I’ve had many lonely times in my marriage as my small town doc husband works long hours and has to live to the rhythm of a pager calling him to the hospital at all hours. The key for me has been sidling up close with my Savior and letting Him fill the cracks that no one else can.

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  20. I’ve had many lonely times in my marriage as my small town doc husband works long hours and has to live to the rhythm of a pager calling him to the hospital at all hours. The key for me has been sidling up close with my Savior and letting Him fill the cracks that no one else can.

    Like

  21. All three have worked for me Beth and continue to. I don’t always walk them out as well as i ought 🙂 but they have been a life-line all the same. i find that after working through # 1, number 2 is sometimes the harder thing to do…at least it was in the beginning. Sometimes we suffer and struggle in our own little self-made prisons while God has care and support around us. Godly support and counsel is important for messy patches in marriage.

    And congrats on the book! 🙂 I know it will help and bless many.

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    1. I hear you Beth! Am on that road myself and i have no idea when i’ll get close to being done! 🙂 I’ll be praying for you.

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  22. All three have worked for me Beth and continue to. I don’t always walk them out as well as i ought 🙂 but they have been a life-line all the same. i find that after working through # 1, number 2 is sometimes the harder thing to do…at least it was in the beginning. Sometimes we suffer and struggle in our own little self-made prisons while God has care and support around us. Godly support and counsel is important for messy patches in marriage.And congrats on the book! 🙂 I know it will help and bless many.

    Like

  23. For me, practicing gratitude seems to be best. I was recently going through a serious depression – and I RARELY get depressed – and the wonderful thing that lifted me up was singing praises and thanking The Lord! I had the best of times crying and praising Him in the shower through the trial.

    Being a very private person, probably to my own hurt, I rarely talk to other ladies about my troubles. Pouring out my heart to The Lord is by far better than anyone else I could talk to.

    Great post, Beth! I appreciate your transparency!

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  24. …and a special congrats on the book!!

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  25. For me, practicing gratitude seems to be best. I was recently going through a serious depression – and I RARELY get depressed – and the wonderful thing that lifted me up was singing praises and thanking The Lord! I had the best of times crying and praising Him in the shower through the trial.Being a very private person, probably to my own hurt, I rarely talk to other ladies about my troubles. Pouring out my heart to The Lord is by far better than anyone else I could talk to.Great post, Beth! I appreciate your transparency!

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  26. …and a special congrats on the book!!

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  27. Someone once told me you can’t deny feelings, but you recognize them for what they are and hold them up to fact. Jesus IS close and loves us; there are those who love Him and love us; and there is a lot to be thankful for!

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  28. Someone once told me you can’t deny feelings, but you recognize them for what they are and hold them up to fact. Jesus IS close and loves us; there are those who love Him and love us; and there is a lot to be thankful for!

    Like

  29. My word! I love this post! Have you ever heard that saying Jesus take the wheel?? I’ve learned over time that There cannot be any I’s in marriage. Lot’s of grace, consistent repentance and most importantly relationship. Relationship with the Lord to and he has got to be sovereign! Thanks for having me! Can’t wait to build a bloggership with you! :)Blessings!,Nykiahhowtotrainasuperhero.com

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  30. There are moments I feel alone and isolate – and often times, I realize I have put myself there – and need to come out of my self-imposed exile:)

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  31. There are moments I feel alone and isolate – and often times, I realize I have put myself there – and need to come out of my self-imposed exile:)

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  32. Have you ever heard of “Jesus take the wheel!” This so reminds me of that. I’m thankful that God is always showing me grace in this thing. I’ve learned over time that there are no I’s in marriage. It’s so funny how God has set up marriage. I’m so glad he sees the bigger picture before I do! Congrats on the book Beth!

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  33. Have you ever heard of “Jesus take the wheel!” This so reminds me of that. I’m thankful that God is always showing me grace in this thing. I’ve learned over time that there are no I’s in marriage. It’s so funny how God has set up marriage. I’m so glad he sees the bigger picture before I do! Congrats on the book Beth!

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  34. Visiting from http://www.intentionallyyours.org/
    As I am currently separated from my spouse–I definitely feel lonely and felt it even before we separated. I have done all 3 things you have suggested and it has made a world of difference. Even just #3, giving thanks regularly and looking for things to be thankful for, has given me hope and peace during such trying times. Thank you for sharing true, solid suggestions to get through hard times.

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  35. Visiting from http://www.intentionallyyours.org/As I am currently separated from my spouse–I definitely feel lonely and felt it even before we separated. I have done all 3 things you have suggested and it has made a world of difference. Even just #3, giving thanks regularly and looking for things to be thankful for, has given me hope and peace during such trying times. Thank you for sharing true, solid suggestions to get through hard times.

    Like

  36. This is such good advice and the book sounds fab! I would definitely be interested in reading it. I love it when people share their messiness. It’s so encouraging to others.

    I linked here from 1-minute Bible Love Notes and thought you might want to link this post at the linkup I host called Essential Fridays.

    http://www.essentialthingdevotions.com

    I’m sure my readers would love to see this!

    Blessings.

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  37. This is such good advice and the book sounds fab! I would definitely be interested in reading it. I love it when people share their messiness. It’s so encouraging to others.I linked here from 1-minute Bible Love Notes and thought you might want to link this post at the linkup I host called Essential Fridays.www.essentialthingdevotions.comI’m sure my readers would love to see this!Blessings.

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  38. I hear you Beth! Am on that road myself and i have no idea when i’ll get close to being done! 🙂 I’ll be praying for you.

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