I’ve been scouring over my journals from my very messy marriage years because I’m working on writing the book – Messy Marriage {Yay!}. And as I’ve done so, I’ve recalled how alone and alienated I often felt during those years {Not so Yay!}.

In a messy marriage it’s easy to feel that you and your spouse are not in this together when there’s hostility or resentment present. And very often we pull away from friendships and spiritual support at those times because we fear that our messy marriage will be exposed, which in turn, causes the chasm of loneliness to grow deeper and wider.

If you’re feeling alone in a messy marriage or simply in life, then here are some practical steps that I took {and still take} to bridge the gap …

Meditate on Christ’s love and nearness
Do you take the time each day to realize just how very deeply Christ loves you? Imagine him sitting near you. Hold his hand. Imagine the scars on His hands, His brow and remind yourself that He suffered that pain for you. Imagine Him holding you and giving you the comfort you so desperately desire. Use Bible verses, like Psalm 23 or Romans 8:35-37* or others that speak of Christ’s love for you to anchor your meditations upon. Christ wants to be and is the Lover of your soul.

Seek Godly Support
Fight the tendency to withdraw and reach out instead. If you have a godly same-sex friend, mentor or counselor {or all three} who can listen and walk with you through this trial, then schedule time with them on a regular basis. You’ll be surprised how much better you’ll feel after just one caring encounter.

Practice Gratitude
Make a point to thank God for not just the good but especially the “challenging” in your day. Whisper a prayer of thanks when you encounter that difficult person or situation. Say something like, “Father, thank you for this difficult moment. I pray you’d use it to teach me how to respond more like you.” Thank Him in the small things. Thank Him even in the things that didn’t happen, like almost getting rear-ended by the texting driver behind you! Pray that God would open your eyes to His little and big gifts all throughout your day.

I can’t guarantee that your situation will improve if you do these three things, but I know my “feelings” and “sense of connection” improved drastically when I did and still do these things. They are mainstays in my life now and I can’t imagine going without them, and I bet they’ll do the same for you!

What have you done to bridge the gap of loneliness in life and/or marriage?

Have you done any of these steps I’ve mentioned? Which ones have made the biggest difference?

*“Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? As it is written: ‘For your sake we face death all day long; we are considered as sheep to be slaughtered.’ No in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us.” –Romans 8:35-37 (NIV)

photo by bibekthecrony 

Joining with NOBH, Works for Me Wednesday, To Love Honor and Vacuum Whimsical Wednesday, and T.G.I.F.
 
Now, it’s time for Wedded Wednesday!

WW rules:

Write in any way you feel inspired about marriage, parenthood or anything that reflects Christ’s redemption in your life.

1. Enter in a permalink directly to your blog post and not the main URL to your blog. 
2. Be sure to include a link to Wedded Wednesday or add the WW button to your current blog post and/or sidebar.
3. Visit and comment on at least one other person’s blog that’s linked up here.
4. Please no offensive or inappropriate content or sexually explicit images!

Optional but encouraged:

• Consider setting up your Gravatar profile and Disqus Profile with a link to your blog … it makes it so much easier for all of us to find those of you who blog!
• If you have the time, visit those who visit your blog and comment at their place as well … sort of a “Say it forward.”