Have you ever gotten lost?

In the pre-GPS days, you might have ended up wandering way off course. Been there, done that!

It’s a scary feeling, especially if your wandering leaves you in dangerous territory. Yep! Been there, done that too!

In the many years I’ve been a counselor and life coach, or for that matter, simply in my marriage, I’ve come to recognize some signs, indicating I’ve {or someone else has} gotten off-track—gone down the wrong road.

4 “Wrong Way” Signs

1.  You believe your spouse will never change, leaving you helpless and doomed to a miserable life and marriage.

It may feel like this right now, but feelings are never something to base your convictions and decisions upon. If you’re seeking God on a daily and continual basis, I would venture to say that your feelings will change.

God can . . .

• Give you peace in times of turmoil.
• Guide you in the right direction when you feel you have nowhere to go.
• Resurrect what seems or is dead.

But you must come to Him, “letting” Him do these things for you.

If you’re trying to fix your marriage or change your spouse in your own strength, you’re going to fail. Those are jobs only a big God can do. My advice? Step aside and let God slay the giant in your life!

2.  You believe leaving your marriage will relieve your pain and trouble. 

This is a tricky one because it is partially true. Yes! Once you leave your marriage and the dysfunction and turmoil of it all, you will feel better—often feeling a huge relief! But before you know it, trouble and pain will erupt again, often as a direct result of “leaving” your marriage for the very purpose of avoiding pain.

No matter if you have the best motivators* for leaving your marriage, you will not escape pain and trouble in this life no matter where you run. Based on what Scripture says, you would have to be doing something wrong, perhaps not being a true believer, if you didn’t face suffering of some kind (Hebrews 12:5-8 and Hebrews 12:10-11). Suffering is the calling of every follower of Christ.

3.  You believe your spouse is not your soul mate, compelling you to find someone who could be to find fulfillment in life. 

This belief is another one that is both true and false.

Yes, your spouse is not your soul mate. I’m not married to my soul mate either.

And, yes! You will not find “fulfillment” without your soul mate.

But no! You won’t find another “human” on this earth who can fill the role of “soul mate.” That job is reserved only for Christ. The Savior is the only One who can fill your heart and satisfy you like no other human can. Look to Him to fill your heart with His love. As a bonus, you’ll find yourself growing in graciousness, compassion, and love for your spouse as you seek first the Lord and His righteousness.

4.  You believe you can make the necessary changes in your life and marriage without really plugging into your church and making daily time for God through Scripture and prayer.

Actually, this belief might work for a season but you’ll quickly feel burdened and overwhelmed by the rigors of marriage and life without your church family and God’s word and guidance. God created us to not only need Him and his word, but we must also connect with other believers for support and accountability.

If you’re a believer and not active in both of those areas, you will eventually find your marriage getting worse and you and your spouse moving further apart. Or, at least, settling for dangerous mediocrity and spiritual discontent.

“There is a way that seems right to a man, but in the end it leads to death.”—Proverbs 12:14 (NIV)

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Which of the four “wrong directions” is a struggle now or has been in the past?

If you’ve found your way back to God, what helped you to get back on track?

*If you are in an abusive relationship, “leaving” the abusive situation may be necessary for a time, but never attempt to leave without the careful guidance of a domestic abuse counselor. You can reach one at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or 1-800-787-3224, or the website here – National Domestic Violence Hotline