4 Signs You’re on the Wrong Track

Road home from Mt Greylock

Have you ever gotten lost? In the pre-GPS days, you could end up really wandering way off course. Been there, done that!

It’s a scary feeling, especially if your wandering leaves you in dangerous territory. Yep! Been there, done that too!

In the many years I’ve been a counselor and life-coach, or for that matter, simply in my marriage, I’ve come to recognize some signs when I’ve {or someone else has} gotten off-track—gone down the wrong road …

4 “Wrong Way” Signs
1.  You believe your spouse will never change, so you’re helpless and doomed to a miserable life and marriage.

It may feel like it right now, but feelings are never something to base your convictions and decisions upon. If you’re seeking God on a daily and continual basis, I would venture to say that your feelings will change. God can give you peace in times of turmoil. God can give you direction when you feel you have nowhere to go. God can resurrect what is dead. But you must “let” Him. If you’re trying to fix your marriage or change your spouse in your own strength, you’re going to fail. Those are jobs only a big God can do. My advice, step aside and let God slay the giant in your life!

2.  You believe that leaving your marriage will relieve your pain and trouble. 

This is tricky, because it is partially true. Yes, once you leave your marriage and the dysfunction and turmoil of it all, you will feel better—often a huge relief! But before you know it, trouble and pain will erupt again, often as a direct result of “leaving” your marriage for the very purpose of avoiding pain. But even if you have the best of motivators* for leaving your marriage, you will not escape pain and trouble in this life. And based on how God deals with us, if we are His children, I’d think you were doing something wrong if you didn’t face suffering of some kind. (Hebrews 12:5-8 and 10-11)

3.  You believe your spouse is not your soul-mate, so you must find whomever that is to find fulfillment in life. 

Here’s another one that is true and false. Yes, your spouse is not your soul-mate. That’s the case for me as well. Yes, you will not find “fulfillment” without your soul-mate. But no, you won’t find a “human” on this earth who can fill the role of “soul-mate.” That job, again, is reserved only for Christ. He is your soul-mate and is the only One who can fill your heart and satisfies like no other human can. Look to Him to fill your heart with His love … and, as a bonus, you’ll find yourself growing in love and forgiveness for your spouse as well.

4.  You believe you can make the changes that are necessary in your life and marriage without really plugging in at your church and making daily time for God. 

This one may work for a season, but you’ll quickly feel burdened and overwhelmed by the task. God created us to not only need Him and his Word, but to need to connect with other believers for support and accountability. If you’re a believer and you’re not active in both of those areas, you will find your marriage getting worse and you and your mate moving further apart or, at least, settling for a dangerous mediocrity.

“There is a way that seems right to a man, but in the end it leads to death.” –Proverbs 12:14 (NIV)

Which of the four wrong directions” have you struggled with most now or in the past?

What has helped you to get back on track?

Photo by Rusty Clark

*If you are in an abusive relationship, “leaving” the abusive situation may be necessary for a time, but never leave without the careful guidance of a domestic abuse counselor. You can reach one at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or 1-800-787-3224, or the website here – National Domestic Violence Hotline

*********

Linking up with – NOBH, Monday’s Musings, Momma Notes, Marriage Moments Monday, Making Your Home Sing Monday, Matrimonial Monday, Playdates with God and Marriage Monday’s

77 responses to “4 Signs You’re on the Wrong Track”

  1. This line made me pause: “And based on how God deals with us, if we are His children, I’d think you were doing something wrong if you didn’t face suffering of some kind.” Why is it that we view suffering as wrong, or out of the ordinary? It’s not fun, of course, but I do need to realize that suffering can be part of God’s plan for my life just as much as the happy stuff. The trick is to count it all joy, right, Beth? Always a blessing to read your words.

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  2. All lies of the enemy, we cannot let go of what God means to be such a huge blessing based on these deceits of the enemy. Not saying marriage is easy, but like every other thing in life, diligence is required to make it work. Thanks for sharing, coming by from Matrimonial Monday!

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  3. All lies of the enemy, we cannot let go of what God means to be such a huge blessing based on these deceits of the enemy. Not saying marriage is easy, but like every other thing in life, diligence is required to make it work. Thanks for sharing, coming by from Matrimonial Monday!

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  4. Beth – I’m so glad you listed the “soul-mate” statement. This is a major detail we hear so often from young (and a little-older-than-young) people.

    It’s usually spoken in a euphoric haze of infatuation, and they look at us like startled owls when we say that Robert and I aren’t soul-mates… We finish by explaining that the only soul-mate we have is Jesus – and they’re even more puzzled.

    I’m going to save your response because it’s the perfect answer to people not feeling “fulfilled” by their spouse! Awesome.

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  5. Beth – I’m so glad you listed the “soul-mate” statement. This is a major detail we hear so often from young (and a little-older-thank-young) people. It’s usually spoken in a euphoric haze of infatuation, and they look at us like startled owls when we say that Robert and I aren’t soul-mates… We finish by explaining that the only soul-mate we have is Jesus – and they’re even more puzzled.I’m going to save your response because it’s the perfect answer to people not feeling “fulfilled” by their spouse! Awesome.

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  6. I know I’m a week behind but man the first 3 I am totally guilty of feeling at some point in my life. And to answer your question of what has helped me get back on track – YOU have played a huge part in getting me back on track. So glad God placed you in my life and is growing a new friendship!

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  7. I know I’m a week behind but man the first 3 I am totally guilty of feeling at some point in my life. And to answer your question of what has helped me get back on track – YOU have played a huge part in getting me back on track. So glad God placed you in my life and is growing a new friendship!

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  8. Sadly I’ve struggled with all of the above, particularly in the early days of my marriage, especially #2. I was always too scared at the time to leave my husband because I was afraid of what that would mean for me – loss of financial security, a home, and a confidante, and even if that’s a dumb reason, I’m so glad that I stayed. I’m glad God placed me back on track with Him and with my husband, and made me realize that my marriage was worth fighting for. Thanks for linking up with Becoming His Eve Marriage Moments Mondays!

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  9. Sadly I’ve struggled with all of the above, particularly in the early days of my marriage, especially #2. I was always too scared at the time to leave my husband because I was afraid of what that would mean for me – loss of financial security, a home, and a confidante, and even if that’s a dumb reason, I’m so glad that I stayed. I’m glad God placed me back on track with Him and with my husband, and made me realize that my marriage was worth fighting for. Thanks for linking up with Becoming His Eve Marriage Moments Mondays!

    Like

  10. It’s funny, because I WAS feeling a bit #1 after birth of baby #3, even as I knew deep down that God’s love is more than enough. Now my brother keeps telling me #2, but I KNOW he’s wrong. As far as #3, never felt that way! #4 I had to lay my burden down last year and say “God, I give up. It’s all your now – I won’t get in the way anymore.”
    My question is: What about my girls? What is God’s best for my 3 little ones? And will they just accept our home life as the status quo for their own future married lives? I have seen and know by experience kids DO gravitate to the lower standard in a home.

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