This past weekend, my husband and I had the privilege of attending our church’s annual marriage retreat. Our guest speaker was Doug Fields,* an amazing communicator and family man. He reminded us that technology has connected us with our world, while very often disconnecting us from our spouses.
So in that spirit, here’s my advice on the 5 texts you should never send your spouse …
1. I’m on the road now and will meet you in 10 minutes.
Never text on your phone while driving, even if you’re using the “speak” option. This is a dangerous choice you’re making and just not worth the risk … unless you’re okay with spending the next 20 years behind bars or “going to meet the Lord” much earlier than you should! I’m certain, your spouse and kids will appreciate having you around a little longer.
2. I’m sorry for what I said/did last night.
Never, ever apologize through a text! It might feel important to get it off of your chest quickly, but saying your apology face-to-face is as important as the apology itself. The only exception to this rule would be to follow it up with the real deal later—an apology face-to-face.
3. You are such a #@!%#$ idiot!
First of all, cursing through a text is just plain stupid. It not only offends and disrespects your spouse, but it’s written down, “recorded” for them to see for the rest of your married years—which may be significantly shortened by this practice! No spouse needs to actually “see” the ugliest expressions in the human language being directed at them from the one who vowed to love, honor and respect them. You’ll regret this one if you ever do it, I promise!
Along with apologizing in person, you should always discuss heated or important matters in person! When you don’t, you can consider yourself a “terrorist” with “guerilla warfare tactics.” You’re simply dropping a bomb on your spouse from a distant location. It’s the coward’s way to address a disagreement and it’s a cold-hearted way to hurt your spouse and run.
4. Would you pass me the salt?
Put the phone down and step away! I mean, really?! Are you willing to let your marriage and the relationships you should value most in life be controlled and interrupted by your phone during a prime time, like a meal, to connect with them? If you are, then you need to reevaluate your priorities. Simply put your phone on silent or come to dinner without it, and I guarantee your relationship will have all the spice it needs.
5. Would you get the milk on your way home?
Asking for this in a text is not wrong, but if you are using texts or emails to avoid communicating with your spouse, know that you probably have a serious marriage problem. Not being able to talk with your spouse about important, much less, insignificant issues in your marriage and life, indicates a major intimacy problem. Perhaps you’re running, not just from communication, but from your spouse. If this is occurring, it makes me wonder if there might be someone else you’re running toward.
What do you think?
Can you add another text you shouldn’t send to your spouse to my list? If so, please tell us about it!
And don’t forget to join us on Wednesday for our weekly Wedded Wednesday link-up!
*Doug Fields is a pastor, leadership mentor, youth specialist and author of more than 50 books. He served on the staff of Mariners Church in Newport Beach, California for 11 years and later at Saddleback Church in Lake Forest, California for 18 years. He’s currently working with Youth Specialties & Azusa Pacific University (HomeWord’s Center for Youth/Family). You can find out more about Doug’s website and resources at DougFields.com.
Click on the link, if you’d like to watch the video of the practical and hilarious message Doug gave at our church this past weekend – Family Life: Setting Up the Next Generation to Succeed.