What do you think God means when he created me to be your “helper” as referenced in Gen. 2:18?
“We’re supportive, we’re teammates, which implies that we’re more than just two independent people coming together. It’s like when two horses are teamed together, they’re able to pull more than two horses pulling the same load individually.”
My husband went on to say that he wants to be “my” helper too. He feels this is different from other friends who might “help” each other emotionally or spiritually. Being a “marriage helper” helps us to experience and provide a deeper level of commitment and responsibility to one another.
What do you think “being your helper” doesn’t mean?
“I don’t think it means you’re my slave! It’s not a picture of me, as your husband, demanding you to do something for me. And it’s not that my needs are all there is and you help me get my stuff accomplished. It also doesn’t mean that you’re inferior to me” (Gal. 3:28, Eph. 5:21).
Why do you think God used the term “helper” in describing Adam’s wife (implying all wives)?
“Your role as my wife, as God defined it, leads to intimacy, communicates partnership, and highlights that we’re not self-sufficient. We need each other. It also is a mirror or reflection of Christ’s relationship with us—His Bride.”
What kinds of helping do you appreciate from me?
“Really listening and caring about me, being with me, supporting me emotionally”
Gary also appreciates and needs me to affirm him. This includes letting him know I want him and need him and want to be affectionate with him.
He also has huge appreciation for me as far as some of the family responsibilities I take on. He recognizes all the things that I do daily in our home and for our family, and “he gets to walk in and enjoy it!”
Gary said, “There’s no way I could survive without you doing all that you do.”
He also appreciates doing church life together, ministering together. He appreciates how I allow him to serve in times that aren’t always convenient for me (Beth) or our family.
What kinds of “helping” do you feel are discouraging or intrusive?
“When you assume that you need to step in and assist where I haven’t asked you to or when I think it isn’t helpful.”
Or “When your actions come across like I can’t handle something and you need to take care of it for me.”
He also added that it’s not helpful to him/us when he wants to help me and I won’t let him because I’m independent.
As you might see from this interview, Gary and I hold a somewhat equal view of marriage roles. However, our household responsibilities are often done in a more traditional way. We believe that the Bible leaves room for just how you want the roles in your marriage to be. We don’t think there is scriptural evidence that one way is superior or more biblical than the other.
Thanks to e-Mom for giving us this opportunity to flesh out some of these more “sticky” issues in marriage!
So what about you? How is “helping” lived out in your marriage?
Do you and your spouse agree on how it is to be lived out?
“Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work.” Ecc. 4:9 (NIV)
Photo by – Aaron