Written by Kimberly Green
Messy Marriage Team Member
… Or even what I thought I wanted.
My parent’s divorce in my adolescence had left scars but had also given me a wonderful gift—the gift of KNOWING their model was broken. My mother playing the perpetual victim and my father continually looking for her to validate him didn’t work. I didn’t know what functional looked like in “real life”, just on TV.
Somehow, along the way in my cultural Christian upbringing, I got the idea that people who were married were the “haves” and those who weren’t were the “’have-not’s”. I had committed my life to Christ, and part of my penance and sacrifice for the bad decisions I had made in my life was to forever remain single. Only “good people” could have “good marriages”.
I wasn’t “good”, and I was determined not to make the same mistakes my parents did. I didn’t understand that single-hood is its own high calling rather than some punishment, or that marriage requires its own sacrifices. But God’s goodness is, thankfully, not dependent upon mine.
On a Monday in 1995, a woman asked me, “Kimberly, what can I pray for you in a husband?” I regret to say I sort of dismissed her, but thanked her anyway. On Thursday, my husband walked into my life.
He was wonderful, but he hadn’t made the same sort of poor choices I had made, and he came from one of those TV type families—the kind with “teachable moments” and after school cookies. I felt inferior, but not because he did anything that encouraged me to feel that way. He was too good for me. I just thanked the Lord for His abundant grace.
No, my marriage isn’t what I expected, or even what I thought I wanted. But it’s becoming more than I could have ever asked for or even imagined for it to be.