Written by Stacey Micklevitz
Messy Marriage Team Member
Hollywood can be subtle. It has a way of making sex symbols look hotter and repeatedly renders husbands/fathers dopey at best. Either portrayal takes deliberate forethought, fancy camera work, and the right actor. Obviously, actors such as Matthew McConaughey and Jim Belushi are type-cast.
Unaware, you might allow this to influence the way you perceive your husband. Leading men in romantic movies seem to have all of the characteristics of the perfect mate: attraction, charm, chivalry, physique. They even do the dishes. What REAL man can live up to this?
Husbands and fathers in comedies or sit-coms are often clueless, absent-minded, lazy, and disrespected. At one time or another, every husband shows his negative/weak side – especially during arguments. We can all draw similarities from these undesirable traits.
Thanks to Hollywood, it is often easier to compare our mates with the husbands who can’t even tie their shoes than with the knight-in-shining-armor whose pectoral muscles glisten in the sunlight.
Let’s look at this realistically.
Early in your relationship, there was SOMEthing that attracted you to your spouse. Most likely, one of the first traits that caught your attention was his appearance. Sparks flew, and as you dated, each of you delighted in the other’s attempts to impress. Eventually, you became aware that he was “the one.” And, though he most likely asked your hand in marriage, you picked him to be your husband.
Yet, how often do you hear your girlfriends (maybe yourself?) say such phrases: “that guy is so hot!” or “now, THAT is a man I could live with!” Movies leave us with a shallow impression of a fictional character that the full package of our husbands could never compete with.
But, how well do you know the “full package” of these characters outside of the 90+ minutes you shared together in front of the silver screen? Movies might show us a man in an office, but do they ever really show him working? How can he realistically balance a full-time job AND be available to take Fido to the groomers at a moment’s notice before making a full-course candlelight dinner?
Ask yourself this question: what kind of relationship do these characters have outside of the bedroom?
Society leaves us longing for some sort of unattainable standard. Yet, so many of us already have everything we’ve ever wanted or needed. We must clear our minds of comparisons – positive OR negative – and accept the man we’ve chosen. Try going a step further and put on your love goggles.
It took me a while to realize that, by conscious decision, I see my husband, Bryan through love goggles. When I look at him, my heart still goes pitter-patter. He has this glance reserved for me that still takes my breath away. When I see him in action (talking with friends, laughing with family) I am instantly attracted to him. My love goggles are designed so that I see Bryan through a lens reserved for only me, his wife.
Love goggles allow me to see Bryan physically AND emotionally. They filter out the details that are visible to the world and provide my heart the tools to continue to “see” Bryan as the strong, amazingly attractive, charming, witty, passionate, intelligent, perseverant, manly man he was when we got married. Forget Hollywood, my man is H.O.T.!!