Is it such a terrible thing to say that my husband doesn’t complete me?
I recently picked up a book that I still hope is a great marriage book by Mort Fertel – Marriage Fitness
. I plan on reading it and a few others on my upcoming vacation. But when it came in the mail today, I opened it to the first few pages and the dedication caught my eye. He wrote, “For my wife, Ari. You complete me.”
And I had an immediate feeling of “dislike.”
I totally get that this is a romantic way of affirming his wife. I get that he wants to say that his wife satisfies him and thrills him—that he’s “completely” in love with her. But what I don’t like is that this statement can be, and has been, misconstrued, especially by Hollywood.
We heard these words being turned into a coined phrase in the movie Jerry Maguire, when Tom Cruise’s character said longingly to Renee Zellwegger’s character, “You . . . complete me.”
Can we all make a collective sigh?
I have to admit it was a rather moving and romantic moment. But, here’s my problem with this little phrase . . .
No one can complete you except Christ.
- Christ is the only One who fills that longing in our hearts and souls.
- He’s the only One who can always be there for us.
- He’s the only One who can, and does, love us unconditionally.
- He’s the only One who is perfect, and therefore, complete.
So, why do we keep trying to have that expectation of our spouses?
I think it’s because we are human and determined to do things our way which, for all intents and purposes, is wrong. I think it’s because we long for a tangible, flesh and blood lover who can wrap his or her arms around us. I think it’s because we’ve bought a huge lie from Satan that distracts us from the only One who truly satisfies. And true to human form, we keep banking on the idea that this time it will be different!
I can assure you, it won’t.
We need to quit barking up the wrong tree and kneel before the only tree that promises completeness and healing (1 Peter 2:24). And when you fold your heart in the arms of the One who completes you, there won’t be a need for some human counterfeit.
By the way, I dedicate this post to my husband, Gary, who does not complete me, but whom I completely love!*
*”No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us.” 1 John 4:12 (NIV)
“He himself bore our sins in his body on the tree, so that we might die to sins and live for righteousness; by his wounds you have been healed.” 1 Peter 2:24 (NIV)