Some marriage messes are like the stinky “land-mines” that litter my backyard. Of course, right now with the 12 inches of snow we got hit with a couple of weeks ago, there’s still plenty of snow remaining to showcase our dog’s “messes” in our backyard.
(And unfortunately, we’re getting dumped on again—by ice and snow, that is!)
Ironically, it isn’t hard to find the “land-mines” on this wintry occasion. But very often, we step into a marriage mess that we never saw coming.
One such mess is the trap (or should I say, crap) of believing your spouse is worse than you are.
Now, let me back up just a bit. I have been there. And that’s why I know that it is crap.
Whenever you have someone doing something wrong in front of you, it is so, so, so easy to see the other person’s fault and not your own—especially if what he/she is doing is more obvious, louder, or harsher than what you’ve done. That’s because we come to feel like victims in those situations. And the moment we begin to view ourselves as victims, we lose sight of our contribution to the problem.
Now, I’m not saying that if your spouse is physically, emotionally, or sexually abusing you that you should give them a break and focus solely on your own sin. That would be unsafe and unwise.
But what I am saying is that in every situation, you and I have a negative contribution. And whenever we turn our focus to our spouse’s bad choices and away from what we need to do to act responsibly or to change, then we are stepping in . . . crap! It truly is a trap of Satan and will stink up your marriage faster than poop on your shoe!
So ask yourself:
- Do you let yourself think about how much better you are than your spouse?
- Do you focus on what your spouse needs to change more than what you need to change?
- Do you feel like a victim without any positive ways you can improve your marriage?
If you do, then allow me to inform you–your attitude stinks and it’s time to clean it up! And the first step in that process is focusing on what you can do to change for the better. If you don’t know what that is, hang tight. I’ll give you some suggestions in my next post.