Today I am launching my Messy Marriage blog!

And I feel like the best way to start this blog off is to:
Revisit the day I woke up to the reality of my messy attitude. 

It started with a typical day for me. I was with my husband throwing complaints around the room like they were black confetti. Finally my husband turned to me and said, “Beth, do you realize that you’re never happy about anything?” 

Now, it’s not like he had never said those words to me before. I don’t really know why I stopped to listen to him that day. Maybe it was because I could sense the tiredness in his voice. Maybe “I” was just tired of playing the victim. Or maybe God had heard all my prayers to change my marriage and he began with the best person to do that—the one who was complaining!*

Unfortunately, I had resisted facing the ugly truth about myself for years. I think I just couldn’t wrap my head around the fact that I could actually be that ugly! I may not have been “Ugly Betty,” but I was very much, “Ugly Bethy!”

I had a friend in college that came up with an abbreviated saying for the phrase, “Very Ugly.” He would say, “That is so VU!” whenever he didn’t like something. On that day, way back when, I believe that I became fully aware of my “VU” side. I saw myself in all of my VU-ness, and it was not good! In fact, it was disgusting!

Thankfully, God was so gentle and kind with me. He didn’t just leave me sitting there staring at how VU I was or how unworthy I felt. Instead, he wrapped His arms around me and began to show me how to clean up my messy heart.

So I sit here today hoping to convey that the secret to cleaning up a messy marriage begins with first admitting that you have messed up. And you need to do that not only to yourself, but also to God and to your spouse.

Although admitting you’re a mess is the beginning point, there is so much more that follows. It will be some of the hardest work you’ll ever do. But in time, you will be so grateful that you allowed God to transform your heart and marriage. And remember, this decision will have a generational impact on your children and grandchildren’s marriages as well. So there’s no time to waste!

One more thing, don’t fall for the temptation to bypass this step or you will simply be buried by your mess sooner or later (probably sooner rather than later).

So if you are in a marriage mess, and I have your attention, please subscribe to messy marriage or become a follower; then we will take a good hard look at what it takes to transform your messy marriage into a blessed marriage.

*By the way, I am not saying that having a messy marriage was all my fault. It always takes two to make a messy marriage. But the focus for change must begin with you, since you cannot change your spouse.