How to Reconnect After a Drift in Your Marriage

How to Reconnect After a Drift in Your Marriage

I’m excited to have a guest post by Melanie Redd to kick off our new series, “Lessons Learned in Marriage.” Please make her feel welcome by commenting on, as well as sharing her wise words with others to all your favorite social media spots. 

It was the craziest thing really.

My raft and I got into the ocean water right in front of our hotel. Within just a few minutes, we were way down the beach—far from the hotel. We’d drifted along with the waves, the winds, and the current. And, it had happened so quickly.

The drift.

Drift in Marriage. This post offers four ways to reverse the drift that occurs in marriage. #drift #marriage #lessons #prayer #connect

It’s a movement away from where we started.

It’s an unconscious and unplanned change that takes us away from our goals, plans, and dreams. Most of us never mean to drift or intend to drift. But, we drift nonetheless.

Additionally, it happens in all areas of life. We drift away from our friends, from our exercise routines, from going to church, or from reading the Bible.

And, sometimes, we drift away from the ones that we love the most.

[bctt tweet=”Sometimes we drift away from the ones that we love the most—our spouses! Find out how to correct the drift! #LessonsLearnedinMarriage #correctthedrift” username=””]

Drifting happens in our marriages.

Honestly, drifting has happened in my marriage over the last few years. Between the four jobs my husband and I were working, our ministry, and his work on a Ph.D., we were overwhelmed and exhausted.

Truly, in our busyness, we begin to lose each other.

It wasn’t overnight, but we slowly drifted and pulled away from each other. Like the raft illustration, we looked up to find ourselves way off course and apart from each other one day.

It can happen even in the best relationships.

So, what can we do to get back to where we started?

How do we heal the drift?

In Revelation 2—where God is speaking to the churches—He mentions the church at Ephesus. His frustrations with this church were that they had left their first love.” (Revelation 2:4)

The church had drifted away from their love for the Lord.

What was the cure?

In Revelation 2:5, God tells them to, “repent and do the deeds you did at first.”

Do the things you did when you first came to Christ and fell in love with Him. Go back to prayer, Bible study, reading great books, talking about the Lord with others, and enjoying great fellowship.

Similarly, when we drift apart in marriage, we can go back and do the deeds we did when we first met, when we dated, when we were engaged, and when we fell in love.

Reconnect in Marriage. This post offers 4 ways to reconnect with your spouse after a drift. #marriage #driftinmarriage #reconnect #lessons #connectionWhat were some of these first deeds… those things that we did when we first fell in love?

First – We used to talk like crazy.

We couldn’t get enough time together. We’d have a date and talk. Then, he would call me and we’d talk on the phone late into the night. This was a regular occurrence in those early days.

After marriage, we still loved to walk and talk, eat and talk, and spend time talking with each other.

My husband is still one of my favorite people to converse with on this planet. So, when we stop talking, our marriage drifts.

One way to heal the drift… start talking more with each other. Open the conversation and communicate!

Second – We used to hug, kiss, and hold hands like crazy.

Maybe you remember those days when you couldn’t wait to hug and kiss? Or, you scooted over really close to him while he was driving? (It’s hard to do that now with the console in the middle!)

However, somewhere along the way, usually after the kids come, we quit being as affectionate. We quit flirting, kissing, hugging, and touching each other. We literally become roommates—rather than lovers.

In our marriage, I’ve found that one good hug or kiss can fix many issues!

Another way to heal the drift… start being more affectionate with each other. Lean over and plant a big kiss on your person! Or, give them a huge hug!

Third – We would have fun, enjoy time together, and play like crazy.

In those early days, we had so much fun with each other. We played co-ed softball, co-ed volleyball, sang in productions together, water-skied, travelled, played board games, spent time with friends, hiked, and did so many other activities.

Somewhere along the way (between 8:00 a.m. Saturday soccer and college graduations) we quit having as much fun. Too much TV. Too tired. The kids. Work. Too busy. Too consumed with other things.

And, we drift apart.

Fun needs to return. Fun can happen again. It might look a little different, but it doesn’t have to end.

To heal the drift… plan something fun you and your spouse can do together without the kids, pets, or in-laws, or any ministry involved at all!

One final thought – Pray about the drift.

To get back into closeness with your spouse, you can talk to the Lord about it.

[bctt tweet=”Our God is FOR you and FOR your marriage. He can heal, restore, and fix anything that is broken in your relationship. #Godistheglue #marriagereconnection” username=””]

Why not pray and invite Him to renew, refresh, and heal the rift in your marriage?

I’ve found Him to be willing and available to listen when I talk to Him. In fact, in Psalm 116: 2, we are reminded, Because he bends down to listen, I will pray as long as I have breath!”

As my husband and I are finding our way back to each other after almost four years of drifting, I can tell you that these simple actions are working. Going back and doing the things that we did in the beginning has brought us closer together.

And, praying about the drift has brought great healing and renewal in the depths of our hearts.

I’m not sure where you and your spouse are today, but I pray that God will do a sweet work in your marriage as He is doing in mine.

May He restore your relationship and make it better than it has ever been.

May you intentionally and purposefully move back from wherever you drifted!

[bctt tweet=”There are four ways to heal the drift that occurs in marriage. Check out what Melanie Redd says we should do. #fourwaystoreconnect #LessonsLearnedinMarriage” username=””]

 

If your marriage has drifted in the past, what did you do to get it back on track?

 

Which one of these four ways to intervene do you most need to focus on in your marriage now? 

 

Interested in three fun date ideas that can be played like a romantic game? Then click here to head to that recent post!


Melanie is a Christian blogger, Motivational Speaker, Author, and Marketing and Social Media Consultant. She’s married to Randy for the past 27 years and serving alongside him in ministry. Additionally, she’s mom to two awesome young adults. God’s grace never ceases to amaze her.

You can find out more about Melanie & her ministry at www.melanieredd.com.

You can connect with Melanie here:  FacebookInstagramPinterestTwitter

Ministry Synopsis: The Ministry of Hope is all about helping others to succeed in ministry and in life. All of our messages, written materials, blog posts, and resources are designed to offer hope and encouragement.

Check out all the other fine bloggers in this new series, Lessons Learned in Marriage!” Next week, we have Rachel Lee of betheeinspired.com with the post, “5 Best Practices to Help Your Marriage Survive Tragedy.” You won’t want to miss it!

Marriage Lessons - Blog Series with first-hand accounts of lessons learned in marriage. #bloggers #authors #marriagelessons #lessons


Here are some lovely linkups I join – Inspire Me MondayLiterary Musing MondaysTea and Word TuesdayPurposeful FaithTell His StoryRecharge WednesdayPorch Stories LinkupBreak Through Homeschooling LinkupCoffee for Your HeartSitting Among FriendsDestination InspirationGrace Moments LinkupTune in ThursdayHeart EncouragementMoments of HopeGrace and TruthFaith and FriendsBlogger Voices NetworkFaith on Fire FridayFresh Market Friday, and DanceWithJesusFriday

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