Romancing Your Husband in the Way He Loves Most

Romance Husband

Today, we’re continuing our series, “Rekindling and Reclaiming Sex in Marriage, with a guest post written by Debi Walter (see her bio below). Debi speaks especially to wives—offering wonderful insights that can really win our husband’s hearts and add a spark to our sex lives. Make her feel welcome by commenting and sharing this post all around the web! Thanks so much!

Romance is one of those words that can drum up all kinds of emotions. Having blogged about it for nearly ten years and practiced it our entire marriage of 39 years, we have heard it all…

  • I would love to have more romance in our marriage, but my husband thinks its hokey.
  • Romance isn’t important to us like it is to you.
  • Romance is something we enjoyed when we were dating. Life is a lot more stressful now, and we just don’t have time for it.
  • Romance to me isn’t the same as what it is to my husband. All he wants is for it to lead to sex, so I avoid it as long as I can.

Romance Husband

Have you ever had an itch in the middle of your back that you couldn’t reach? It consumes your full attention until you find a way to scratch it. Imagine if you could never reach it, and the longer it lasted the more intense it became!

This is how sex is to most men; it’s the way God wired them. (If you happen to be the higher drive spouse, then be sure and read Bonny Burns post in this series.)

Sexual desire is not a part of the curse—sex was a beautiful part of Adam and Eve’s pre-curse marriage. I believe they enjoyed it on a level we may never experience this side of the fall. Can you imagine? They made love without sin—!

Men not only have a strong desire for sex, but a need for it as well.

[bctt tweet=”Men not only have a strong desire for sex, but a need for it as well. #meettheneed #sexinmarriage” username=””]

Ladies, we have the privilege of being the only ones able to “scratch their itch” so to speak. Are you wincing at the word I used, a privilege to meet a need in our husband that no one else can reach? If you struggle to embrace this as a privilege I pray this post will help you draw closer to your husband. We must seek to understand the issue from their perspective and not allow ourselves to pull away.

[bctt tweet=”How to view sex from your husband’s perspective. #privilegeofwife #joyofsex #scratchhisitch” username=””]

It’s hard for us to understand the itch they have, because we may not have experienced it. All we can do is try and relate to them from our perspective, and most times it doesn’t help.

I’ll never forget a time when the Lord gave me a glimpse of what it’s like to be a man in a sexually-obsessed world.

We were at a conference and out of nowhere my mind saw the speaker on stage completely naked. I was horrified and embarrassed at the vision! I turned my blushing head wondering what in the world was wrong with me. When I looked back he was still there speaking in his birthday suit! For the entire day I struggled with seeing men naked. It was exhausting fighting it, and frustrating because I couldn’t get it to stop.

When it finally ended, I asked the Lord, “What in the world was that?”

He impressed on me that this is how your husband deals with temptation everyday.

Thankfully, I have not experienced this “vision” again. But my empathy for what my husband endures on a daily basis increased leaps and bounds. The fact that he resists temptation because he loves me fuels my love and affection for him.

I realized the mandate I have been given by God. I am the only one with permission to meet this strong desire in his life. And it is the same for you with your husband. What a responsibility. Meeting our husband’s needs sexually is a privilege we should not take for granted. It should be enjoyed, not endured!

Entice is a word I’d like to encourage you to practice as you romance your husband.

To entice someone, according to Webster, is to attract artfully by arousing hope or desire.

8 Ways to Entice Your Man

1. Let him know that you want him in a creative way by “sexting” intimate messages during his day.

2. Spend time reflecting on his physical attributes that attracted you to him. Tell him what you love about his body.

3. After the kids are in bed, tell him you’re going to take a bath with a twinkle in your eye. Let him know when he can come back for a rendezvous in the bedroom.

4. Use the texting feature on your phone to start a game of cat and mouse when he leaves work. I call it Text Bait.

5. Be willing to step out of your comfort zone and try something new in the bedroom. Tell your husband your plans, or better yet—surprise him by doing it.

6. Men are stimulated by sight. Undress with the lights on.

7. Study your husband and discover ways to make him say, Wow!

8. Flirt with him throughout the day using all the senses by doing the following …

Touch: let your hand sweep over his zipper or his buns as you walk by. Taste: Kiss him for an extended time before he leaves for work as if it were your last kiss. Sight: Flash him “the girls” 😉 when he least expects it. Hear: Call him and tell him what you know he’ll love to hear. When he gets home have romantic music playing in the bedroom. Smell: Wear perfume and have candles burning in your bedroom to set the mood for later.

Our sexual relationship should continue to grow and change through the years.  As we become more familiar with each other, it’s easier to experiment finding new ways to enjoy lovemaking. Communication is key, and a willingness to say what you like and don’t like.

Many times the things we say we don’t like are because we haven’t tried them. Make it your goal to say yes as often as you can when it comes to your husband’s sexual desires. To deny him leaves him vulnerable to temptation and can communicate a lack of love and care.

However, if your husband’s sexual desires are sinful or pornography-driven please seek help from a trusted friend or Christian marriage counselor. The worst thing to do is ignore it. Your marriage is far too valuable to settle for less than God intended.

May our sincere love for our husband result in a deep desire to give him pleasure because of who he is. And as we meditate on who he is, may this encourage us to romance him all the more in the way he loves most.

I close with the words of the Bride in Song of Solomon 5:10-16. Her love deepened as she considered and appreciated her husband’s finest attributes. May we do the same.

Beloved Husband


Debi WalterDebi blogs along with her husband Tom on how to cultivate a fruitful marriage at The Romantic VineyardTheir blog is an incredible resource on all topics in marriage, but especially on romance. For more Creative Romantic Ideas based on Song of Solomon click here.


If you’d like to check out and/or purchase Tom and Debi’s latest book, click on the link or image of “Cherishing Us.



Which of the 8 ways to entice your husband do you feel most inspired to try?


If you’re a husband, tell us which one of the 8 ways sounds most enticing to you?


For more posts in this Rekindling and Reclaiming Sex in Marriage series, click the link.

Before you go, consider this …

Hebrews Bible Study

Starting the week of March 25, 2018, I (Beth) will be offering a 6-week, private Facebook Bible Study opportunity—studying the last three chapters of Hebrews 11 through 13. Each week, I will give you five days worth of devotional readings that will inspire you and can help you to discover how to glean the gems hidden in Scripture for yourself.

This Bible study method will also help you to remember and put a thought/action into practice each day, as well as giving you ways to pray about your insights from your reading.

If you’re interested, let me know in the comments, or email me at, or friend me at Beth Oster Steffaniak and then request to be added. Remember, this is a free, no-obligation opportunity. So I hope you’ll join me in pursuing the peace we can only find in our times with God!

Here are some lovely linkups I join – Inspire Me MondayLiterary Musing MondaysDream Together LinkupJennifer Dukes LeeGlimpses Linkup,  Break Through Homeschooling LinkupCoffee for Your HeartSitting Among Friends, Grace and TruthGrace Moments LinkupTune in ThursdayMoments of HopeFaith and FriendsFresh Market Friday, and DanceWithJesusFriday


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However, this comes with no extra cost to you and will not increase the price you pay for any items you decide to buy on Amazon. It is simply a way for me to earn some support for the ministry expenses of this blog. Thank you in advance for being willing to use any Amazon links as searching tools!

One response to “Romancing Your Husband in the Way He Loves Most”

  1. […] Romancing Your Husband in the Way He Loves Most, Messy Marriage (guest post by Debi at The Romantic Vineyard) […]


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