75 Ways to Speak Your Mate’s Love Language

Mate's Love Language

Some people really dislike Valentines Day because they feel it’s an over-commercialized holiday that obligates them to buy and give something special to their significant other. I, for one, do not take that view. I’m grateful for holidays that remind me to do what really matters in my marriage and life—even though I should be doing these loving acts all year long!

So I’m dedicating today’s post to some of the ways we can apply the five love languages in our marriages and relationships this Valentines Day and beyond. I want to approach this by being super practical and offering all sorts of ideas so you can customize your expressions of love according to your spouse’s love languages.

Mate's Love Language

[bctt tweet=”Customize your Valentine’s gift this year to your mate’s love language! #75ideas #hititoutofthepark” username=”BethSteffaniak”]

Here’s an added bonus, many of these suggestions are free or inexpensive to do! So don’t let money be a factor in how you give to your mate. But before we get going, allow me to explain …

What are the five love languages?

  1. Words of Affirmation
  2. Acts of Service
  3. Receiving Gifts
  4. Quality Time
  5. Physical Touch

If you don’t know what your or your mate’s primary love languages are, then hop over to Gary Chapman’s site (the creator of the 5 love languages) to take a free quiz like my husband and I did.

[bctt tweet=”Discover your mate’s love language(s) and grab three more freebies to help you bless your Valentine! #sweettreats” username=”BethSteffaniak”]

My results are:

  • 10 – Words of Affirmation
  • 9 – Acts of Service
  • 7 – Quality Time
  • 3 – Physical Touch
  • 1 – Receiving Gifts

My husband’s results are: (yes, he gave me permission to share!)

  • 11 – Words of Affirmation
  • 8 – Physical Touch
  • 4 – Quality Time
  • 4 – Receiving Gifts
  • 3 – Acts of Service

You can tell from a quick glance at my and my hubby’s love languages that there could be some challenges when our natural desires and wiring conflict. So I’ll be sharing how to navigate that challenge next week!

75 Ways to speak your mate’s “love language” with …

1. Words of affirmation:

  • Write and give a love letter to your mate (Here’s a template to get you started!).
  • Tuck little affirmation notes in all sorts of surprising places for your mate to discover all throughout their day/week.
  • Write an affirming message to your mate on your bathroom mirror in lipstick or dry-erase marker.
  • Brag in front of your kids or others about your mate.
  • Affirm your mate daily for a week using this free Daily Affirmation Guide.
  • Ask the Lord to reveal to you a new and positive insight about your mate during the day/week—then share what you discover with your sweetie ASAP.
  • Affirm your mate’s greatest passion.
  • Apologize for something you’ve recently done to hurt or inconvenience your mate, then thank them for putting up with you in that way.
  • Write an encouraging prayer for your mate—giving it to him/her as a gift and prayer promise.
  • Brainstorm as many affirmations and compliments about your mate that you can think of and put them in a jar for him/her to pull out and read whenever your spouse wants.
  • Spontaneously tell your mate why you married him/her.
  • Empathize with a particular challenge your mate is going through.
  • Tell your mate what you’re proud of in him/her.
  • Thank your mate in some specific way for helping you with some recent issue or past challenge.
  • Lead your kids to encourage your mate by starting them off.

2. Acts of Service:

  • Fix dinner (when it’s not your habit or turn).
  • Do one of the following: the dishes, laundry, vacuum, etc. (when it’s not your habit or turn).
  • Get the kids ready for school or bed (when it’s not your habit or turn).
  • Help the kids with their homework (when it’s not your habit or turn).
  • Bake your mate’s favorite dessert.
  • Run an errand for your mate when they’re stressed or busy.
  • Fix or get something fixed that’s been broken in your home.
  • Watch the kids so your mate can go do something fun.
  • Get your mate’s car washed or wash it yourself.
  • Fill up your mate’s car with gas.
  • Complete a list of “honey-do’s” in a timely way.
  • Take on as your ongoing responsibility one task that your mate doesn’t like.
  • Build or create something for your mate that he/she would like.
  • Offer to paint an area that your mate would like updated.
  • Landscape an area in your yard that your mate wants improved (Be sure to consult about how!).

3. Receiving Gifts:

  • Treat your mate to dinner at his/her favorite restaurant.
  • Indulge your mate with his/her favorite dessert.
  • Buy your mate his/her favorite Valentine’s treat (Mine is chocolate covered strawberries! And Gary always gets them for me!).
  • Give your mate a bouquet of her favorite flowers in their favorite color (Ask if you don’t know!).
  • Take your mate on a “budgeted” shopping spree.
  • Plan a date to a favorite place of your mate’s—movie, concert, play, sporting event, etc.
  • Buy tickets for your mate to go with friends to a special and desired event.
  • Treat your mate to a special weekend getaway at a place s/he has always wanted to visit.
  • Make, build or buy some special item for your mate (if you’re skilled enough!)
  • Buy your mate’s favorite cologne or perfume.
  • Put together a cute bag/container full of your mate’s favorite candies or snacks.
  • Buy your mate a special mug or cup with his/her favorite brew tucked inside.
  • Give your mate a book you know s/he wants to read.
  • Give your mate some “mad money” out of the blue.
  • Buy tickets for a special/scenic train or boat ride for the two of you.

4. Quality Time:

  • Invite your mate to meet daily or weekly to chat over coffee or an evening drink.
  • Plan a special get-away—just the two of you.
  • Go for a walk and chat about your day together.
  • Take a “Gratitude Walk” (click on the link for how to do one).
  • Watch your spouse’s favorite show together (Gary and I both love to watch Stranger Things).
  • Plan and go on a date to an “old haunt” from your dating days.
  • Discuss a book you and your spouse are reading together.
  • Go on a picnic together (indoors, if necessary!).
  • Sign up to do a sport, exercise or dance class together.
  • Find a hobby that you both like and work on it side-by-side.
  • Go for a scenic drive and chat about your week.
  • Look through old photo albums or yearbooks and chat about the memories they stir.
  • Star-gaze together on a warm evening.
  • Sled, go skiing, or build a snowman together.
  • Explore a cave, hike a trail, or bike through a quaint town.

5. Physical Touch:

  • Offer to give your mate a backrub or footrub.
  • Give your mate a heartfelt and lingering hug.
  • Kiss your mate passionately.
  • Make love in a unique and exciting location.
  • Rub your mate’s shoulders.
  • Grab and hold your mate’s hand.
  • Stroke your mate’s hair, head or neck.
  • Snuggle by the fire, or while watching TV.
  • Kiss the back of your mate’s neck.
  • Whisper sweet nothings in your mate’s ear.
  • Hold your mate close when he/she is upset.
  • Tenderly cup your mate’s face in your hands, while gazing in his/her eyes.
  • Playfully wrestle or tickle each other.
  • Slow dance to a romantic song.
  • Take a bath together and scrub each other’s backs.

Spouse's Love Languages


What creative and loving act could you add to my list?


Which one of the loving acts would you like to do for or with your mate?


And remember to keep it P.G., folks! 😉 


I hope you’ll join me next time when I’ll be posting about how to navigate when your love languages differ or conflict in marriage. In the meantime, love your mate well this Valentines Day and beyond! 

Here are some lovely linkups I join – Inspire Me MondayMoments of HopeLiterary Musing MondaysDream Together LinkupJennifer Dukes LeeGlimpses LinkupTune in ThursdayBreak Through Homeschooling LinkupCoffee for Your HeartSitting Among FriendsFaith and FriendsFresh Market Friday, and DanceWithJesusFriday


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One response to “75 Ways to Speak Your Mate’s Love Language”

  1. […] your mate’s love language, then have I got a post for you! Just last week I wrote on the 75 Ways to Speak Your Mate’s Love Language, so click on the link to find a link for taking the LL test, as well as all sorts of ideas for […]


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