I’m continuing to unpack another lesson in my “Back to School” series by discussing today how I gained back the “chemistry” or feelings of love that had cooled when my marriage was at its messiest. I learned the hard way that what I do drastically impacts the way I feel in my marriage.
Let me repeat that . . . what “I” do changes the way I feel in marriage—leaving the vast majority of my satisfaction in marriage up to me! And that’s good news for you and your marriage too! 😉
Here are 2 things I did that negatively impacted my feelings of love . . .
1. Ruminated on my spouse’s flaws and sins.
I didn’t realize the negative influence I was having on my marriage when I did this. It was like every time I let a negative complaint run through my mind, I was digging a deeper and deeper hole. Pretty soon, I found myself neck-deep in a grave custom-made for my marriage! Then I had to claw my way out, just so I could stand on level ground again.
Did you know that when you complain your body produces Cortisol which impairs your immune system and makes you more susceptible to high blood pressure, diabetes, heart disease and obesity? #badchemistry
A couple of weeks ago I offered to my readers a 21-Day Challenge for “looking for the good in our spouses.” I’m now in the last week of that challenge and feeling like it has been a very good process for me. And from the feedback I’ve received, most everyone else is feeling the same.
[bctt tweet=”Gratitude can really boost the good chemistry we feel in our marriages. #encourageyourself” username=”BethSteffaniak”]
2. My anger became a real hindrance in my sex life.
After all, who wants to make love with someone you’re mad at? You want to strangle them, not squeeze them tight in a loving embrace! Am I right?? 😉
But did you know that there are several good chemicals that we miss out on when we avoid making love to our mates?
Phenylethymine (“PEA” for short) is released when we touch or are touched by our mates, as well as when we have an orgasm—providing the feeling of being bonded or “glued” to our partners.
Other chemicals/hormones that are released during lovemaking are: Norepinephrine, Noradrenaline, Oxytocin, Dopamine, Serotonin and Testosterone. Each of these chemicals can help us to feel more excited, positive and satisfied, just to name a few positive benefits!
God surely is in the details, isn’t He?!
[bctt tweet=”Sex in marriage provides lots of good chemicals to bond us to our mates! #glueofGod” username=”BethSteffaniak”]
Now, if your feelings of love have grown cold in marriage, then take a moment to consider which of these two bad habits you might be practicing to one degree or another—committing to work on at least one of them.
With the first one in mind, you could begin to pray daily for God to improve your attitude toward your mate—asking the Lord to bring to your attention to the good things in him or her.
With the second one (which might be the harder of the two), consider working on having more sex (or just having sex!) by carving out time alone to relax with your spouse, in an effort to strengthen your sense of connection. Do something you both enjoy and then spend ten minutes afterward talking about what you enjoyed about that activity. These are the small incremental changes that pave the way to greater closeness and feelings of love and desire in marriage.
If avoiding sex isn’t the issue—busyness is—then consider scheduling sex. Yes, sometimes in busy seasons of life we need to take that tack. Then you can mentally and physically prepare for that intimate time together, rather than a wham-bam-thank-ya-ma’am at the end of an exhausting day.
Whatever you do, don’t leave “your spouse” in the driver seat of your marital satisfaction! They will drive you crazy, if you do!
Which of the two do you want to work on first and in what way?
What else do you think can add more “chemistry” to your feelings of love in marriage?
Next week, I’ll be continuing my Back to School series with a lesson in the “Fine Art” of listening, which can really reignite your spouse’s feelings of love for you, as well as deepening your sense of connection in marriage. It’s a total win-win!
Be sure to scroll down below to comment!
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