Push Out of Your Comfort Zone And WW Linkup!

Comfort Zone in MarriageI mentioned during week one of the “Triple C” challenge that I wanted to gradually make each week in this challenge a bit more vulnerable—pushing you ever-so-slightly out of your comfort zone. So far I believe I’ve kept the challenges fairly safe and mild. But this week it’s time to ramp it up a tad. 😉

One of the things I’ve noticed over my 28 years of marriage is that …

[bctt tweet=”When I stay in my comfort zone with my spouse, things end up becoming uncomfortable. #stretchandgrow #marriagematters” username=”BethSteffaniak”]

My husband and I are the types of people who are not satisfied with mediocre, and especially not with a bad relationship. We are willing to challenge the status quo, trying new and perhaps better ways of handling situations that arise in our marriage constantly.

I think that is one of the main reasons why we’ve been able to remain and be “less-messy” than those “very messy” years of marriage.

I know for some of you, your marriage has been in such a long downward spiral that you can’t imagine things ever changing for the better. And you may be the only one in the relationship who is stepping out of your comfort zone, which makes it seem all the more daunting and hopeless.

Certainly, the fact that both my husband and I were willing to step out of our comfort zones made it easier and quicker to get to a better place. But that doesn’t mean you can’t get your marriage to a better place too! It just means it may take you longer and the climb may be harder and more painful.

That’s where and when your relationship with God will need to be Your comfort and source of strength.

And never forget that with “God in and through you”

[bctt tweet=”You can make your marriage better by simply being a better spouse one day at a time. #beabetterspouse #Godempoweredmarriage” username=”BethSteffaniak”]

That’s not so hard to accomplish really.

Now! On to the task of being a better spouse one day at a time …

Week 3*

Day One
Write your spouse a love letter—telling him or her one physical characteristic you find attractive and why, one character quality you admire, one personality characteristic you envy, and one accomplishment you are proud of in your mate. Then leave it under his/her pillow for a pleasant surprise at bedtime.

Day Two
Make sure to wear something your husband or wife likes. Also make sure you look your best by showering, doing your hair and (if a wife) your makeup so that you impress and attract your spouse to you today.

Day Three
Ask your mate how s/he feels about a problem (doesn’t have to be about you or your marriage). Just let it be about something they’ve experienced lately. Then validate what your spouse feels by saying something like, “I can understand why you would feel that way. That must be so difficult. How can I help?” For more on this read my post, Validating Your Spouse’s Feelings.

Day Four
Make your mate’s favorite meal and light some candles for ambiance while you eat. OR take your spouse out to eat at his/her favorite restaurant.

Day Five
Work on giving your spouse good eye contact today. Read Jill Savage’s stellar post here on why that is a lost art for many couples.

Day Six
Let your mate have the remote control all to him or herself for one evening, then watch all of their favorite television programs without complaint. 😉

Day Seven
Plan a special activity like going on a picnic or taking a walk at sunset with your spouse. Then prepare your bedroom and your heart for a sizzling coming home party” for the two of you that evening between the sheets! (If sex is too difficult for you, show your spouse affection in some way by initiating a cuddle, kiss or hug instead.)


What are some creative ideas you’ve used to connect with your spouse that could be added to the list this week?


What says “I love you” to your spouse more than anything else?


Connection Challenge Blk


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16 responses to “Push Out of Your Comfort Zone And WW Linkup!”

  1. Andrew Budek-Schmeisser Avatar
    Andrew Budek-Schmeisser

    This is really a great way to approach the improvement of a relationship – making it fun!

    But I have to admit that a few of these drew a laugh from me.

    Day Four…because of my illness, I can only eat very lightly, and usually quite late…sitting on the floor of the kennel area to help the dogs tuck themselves in by my presence. But they would probably appreciate the candles.

    Day Five…people do NOT make eye contact with me. Simply not done; I am told the experience is rather frightening, and I once did cause a young man to run away in terror. I usually wear dark wrap-arounds, even indoors.



    1. It might be hard for some to come up with some creative ideas on their own, so I hope this does make it fun, Andrew. And I can see why some of them might evoke a laugh because they are in many ways full of childlike playfulness. And I loved your insight about yourself and “eye-contact” with others! That made ME laugh! 😉 Thanks for always being so bald faced honest, my friend!


  2. Great suggestions and truths. We have to work on it. I would add give him that remote and shock him by laying your head in his lap. My man loves that and forgets about the remote, and it relaxes me.


    1. I like the addition of laying your head in his lap, Deborah! That’s a great idea! It truly communicates a gentleness and affection that is needed in every marriage. Thanks for adding to the conversation, my friend!


  3. theromanticvineyard Avatar

    I love these simple, yet great steps towards getting us to think about our spouse more than ourselves. Thank you for making “getting our of our comfort zone” attractive.


    1. It’s so easy to get into set patterns that leave out small gestures of love, Debi. I do hope this gives some ideas and a small nudge to do them to those who are willing. Thanks for your kind words and your great ministry!


  4. I love how you describe the comfortable becoming the uncomfortable because you stay in that place and never venture out. I imagine most couples would be looking to find that place of comfort because they believe that is the place where a good marriage should end up. Thank you for getting me to think differently. Hope your week has been going well. Blessings to you and your husband as you continue to find new ways to step out of your comfort zone with each other.


    1. I’m so glad you noticed that, Mary. That’s really a bit of my heart being spoken there because I know all too well that desire to remain in my comfort zone! But after 28 years I totally see that breaking out of that has been the best place to head each and every day with my hubby. I think that’s part of the heartbeat behind my push for a “confessional culture” in marriage, because that takes the awkwardness of admitting our guilt and makes it less and less intimidating as we do it consistently. It hurts but is so very worth it–in EVERY relationship, not just marriage. 🙂


  5. Beth, Thank you again for hosting…AND for your challenge! I’m working on being more intentional with my husband, and these activities are just wonderful 🙂
    Looking forward to the next set already!
    Have a great week, friend!


    1. I hope that by being intentional in your pursuit of your guy will bless your socks off, Pat! Thanks for joining the conversation, my friend. You have a great week too!


  6. […] Linking to: #Reflectlinkup, #TestimonyTuesday, #RaRaLinkup, #w2wwordfilledwednesday, #Wedded Wednesday […]


  7. Thanks, Judith. Yes! That’s a great example of how the mundane can be special when we spend it with our mates–looking at it as a treat rather than a chore. I know there have been many a great conversation started as my husband and I head somewhere or walk the aisles of a store together. 😉


  8. bluecottonmemory Avatar

    I read the eye-contact article – and what struck me was couples who had not been married as long thought there was a problem with the older married couples not making eye-contact at a photo shoot. Oh, I think there is a post in that – a deeply, beautiful post – but I will practice that this week – and think on that idea the whole time. As always, your posts make me think in a blessing-kind-of-way!


    1. Yes, I was drawn to that new insight as well, Maryleigh. It makes sense to me, especially based upon the way Jill describes the many ways couples who’ve been married for awhile interact each day. I can’t wait to read your thoughts on that. Hopefully it will tease out this intimacy and couple connection issue a bit more. Thanks for stopping in, girlfriend!


  9. Another great list of ideas!! My hubby and I have been dreaming a lot this week. We just bought a new home and we have been looking through flyers for some new furniture. On the weekend, we stopped at HomeSense to look at home decor – didn’t find anything I liked, though. But this weekend, we plan to go check out some furniture stores. So, I would add ‘dreaming together’ to your list. There was a time when we stopped dreaming…it was a discouraging time in our lives. I love hearing him dream and he enjoys listening to mine.


    1. I do love that time in life–when you’re having a home built or just moving in and picking out all the stuff you want to give it your own signature look. That’s a great way to encourage each other in your marriage, Aimee. Dreaming together may also show up on next week’s 7 day list–our 4th and final week of the challenge! I’ll give you credit for coming up with the idea! Thanks for coming by and joining the conversation, my friend!


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