Shouldn’t the kids come first? SJT Video

In this “Sloppy Joe Time” video, I talk about the sloppy expectation I had when my husband and I began to have and parent our children. I falsely thought that I could let the overwhelming love for my kids become the focus of my marriage.

Click on the video below to find out what I learned, as well as, what I did to bring balance during that crucial time. Hopefully, you can bring balance and proper perspective to your parenting and marriage relationships.

Can you relate?

How have you dealt with this tension?

Do you agree with my position, and if not, what do you believe?

If you’d like to view the video at Messy Marriage’s Youtube channel or view some of the other Sloppy Joe Time videos, click here. And I’d love it if you’d subscribe to the channel while you’re there!

Linking up with – Marriage Mondays, The Weekend Brew, Faith and Friends, Making Your Home Sing, Mondays @ Soul Survival, Sunday Stillness, Sharing His Beauty, Spiritual Sundays and Playdates with God

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BethSteffaniak

March 22, 2015

Balance, Boundaries, Emotions, False Beliefs, Parenthood, Priorities, Realistic Expectations, Sloppy Joe Time Video

Balance, Boundaries, Kid-Centric Marriage, Motherhood, Parenthood, Priorities, Unrealistic Expectations

12 responses to “Shouldn’t the kids come first? SJT Video”

Pamela

March 22, 2015 at 2:29 pm

My Daddy and Momma prepared me for the importance of our relationship in regards to our children. They often took “little honeymoons” just by themselves. One practice of theirs that we adopted was to put the kids to bed early so we had couple time in the evenings. Even when they got too old for their 8:00 bedtime, they still had quiet time reading in bed. I’m thrilled you are addressing this subject.

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1. Beth Steffaniak
  
  March 22, 2015 at 8:26 pm
  
  That’s so great, Pamela! Not everyone grows up with a positive example of this. I’d have to say that my mom poured a little too much focus into me and my sister. I could say that it was because her relationship with my dad wasn’t great but then you run into the proverbial “Did the chicken or the egg come first?” I’m glad to hear that you and your hubby have made this a priority and have continued it throughout the years. It’s so very important! Thanks for the encouragement, my friend!
  
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Linda@Creekside

March 22, 2015 at 7:16 pm

‘Mom Hood’ … That cracked me up, Beth! It’s hard for me to remember those days ’cause they seem like a lifetime back. How our kids and marriage survived all those years, I’ll never know.

Yes I do. It was His grace and wisdom holding us fast.

And its so good to hear and see your wisdom again this weekend. I’ve missed ya’!

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1. Beth Steffaniak
  
  March 22, 2015 at 8:38 pm
  
  Oh you, encourager, you! 😉 Thanks so much for laughing at all the appropriate moments and for coming by to cheer me on here each Sunday, Linda! And yes, it was quite an exercise to remember back that far. But some things just get seared in your brain and heart–like the first moment of motherhood. Hugs to you, girlfriend!
  
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Aimee Imbeau

March 22, 2015 at 10:36 pm

I appreciate this video so much! I think we did ‘ok’ with this when our babies were born. Maybe it was more postpartum depression after our first and then boundary problems with my parents (when God told me the verse that says man will leave his father and mother and cleave to his wife as also meant for women – or me – to be more specific!) that caused most of the tension.
Our youngest is now 9 and my hubby and I still make a point of making sure we get that alone time. We’ve also taught the kids how important mommy & daddy’s marriage relationship is and that’s why we need our alone time.
I also appreciated the little note about not enrolling the kids in too many things! My youngest 2 are only in piano lessons (my oldest is also in ballet) because they don’t care to do anything else – besides Lego & Minecraft – and sometimes I am given a bit of a hard time about that. But my kids are happy. My marriage is happy and strong. So, we must be doing something ‘right’!

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1. Beth Steffaniak
  
  March 24, 2015 at 4:17 pm
  
  It’s funny that you should say something about boundaries with parents, Aimee, because my next Sloppy Joe Time video will be about the sloppy boundaries I had with my mom early in my marriage. There really are so many difficulties to navigate when we are young and beginning our families. It’s no wonder young couples often get off to a rocky start! I’m so glad that you and your hubby know the importance of this priority. And yes, I had to put that little note about too many activities because I see that all around me. Parents simply want the best for their kids but often shortchange them by overextending their lives and activities. I’m glad you’ve tried to bring balance to this in your children’s lives as well! And if you can say your marriage is happy and strong, then I have to say, “you go, girl!” That’s not something to take for granted but to be celebrated! 🙂
  
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Andrew Budek-Schmeisser

March 23, 2015 at 8:35 am

Though we don’t have kids, I think I can see a general application of the principle…it can be very tempting to ‘become’ the roles we play in life, and turn those into false idols that replace the sacrament that marriage is supposed to be.

It can be career, or hobbies, or exercise, or…I think this is true for many aspiring writers…dreams.

None of these mean a fig at 0300 when you’re in more pain than you believe you can stand, and you have to send your service dog to go scratch at your spouse’s bedroom door, to have someone come hold your hand.

Because she’s not there with you anymore, since you allowed the space between you to grow to a gap that became unbridgable.

http://blessed-are-the-pure-of-heart.blogspot.com/2015/03/why-marriage-is-important.html

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1. Beth Steffaniak
  
  March 24, 2015 at 4:20 pm
  
  Yes, that’s so true, Andrew. Anything can become a false idol and pull us away from where our true devotions should remain. I’m so sorry to hear about how alone and painful your days have become, my friend. I do hope that you have friends from your church that are reaching out and helping as well. Praying that God brings comfort to you in this time of desperate need!
  
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Ngina Otiende

March 23, 2015 at 9:23 am

Thank you, Beth. Wonderful video. Mom-hat, mom-hood vs parenthood! So well explained! 🙂 One of the things I’ve loved is hearing how making kids the center of the marriage affects the kids. The common thinking is that it HELPS them..but as you explain, it doesn’t and I like how you’ve explained it. So much for me to learn before I get there! Thank you for your heart to bless and point spouses to doing marriage…God’s way!

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1. Beth Steffaniak
  
  March 24, 2015 at 4:22 pm
  
  Yes, that’s so true, Ngina. We think that by making the kids the center, we are doing them a favor and nothing could be further from the truth! They need that security that is founded upon mom and dad as husband and wife! Of course, all of that is also founded upon the Lord! But I know you already have that crucial key sorted out! I see it in the things you write and do, my friend! You are going to be a great mom one day! And beautiful babies? Of course, they will be if they look anything like their mama! 🙂
  
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Mary

March 24, 2015 at 5:31 am

Love this! I know in my sleep deprived state of new mommy hood that often all I could muster was getting myself dressed besides loving on my newborn son. I do know that falling into a natural rhythm does happen and there is light at the end of the tunnel for a marriage to become a healthy balance. Thank you for sharing this at The Weekend Brew and thanks for all your great advice. Have an amazing week!

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1. Beth Steffaniak
  
  March 24, 2015 at 4:25 pm
  
  That’s so true, Mary. We struggle in those early motherhood years because we are so sleep deprived and deprived on so many other levels. It’s a demanding, consuming time of life, so it’s no wonder things get out of balance. I hear ya about there being “light at the end of the tunnel!” In fact, I’d say that time in the tunnel went way too fast for this mama! But now I’m looking forward to the “grandma tunnel” that I know is just around the bend! Hugs to you!
  
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