It’s seems crazy to think about it, but the characters, as well as, the audience that clamors for more of the movie 50 Shades of Grey are really seeking the “scary good” that can only be experienced through the deep intimacy of a committed and safe marriage. God’s intimacy with us is represented by the “Holy of Holies” (Click here to read my last post that unpacks that more).
But I believe there’s a “Holy of Holies” in our marriages too! This happens when a . . .
[Tweet “Marriage is built upon complete trust & vulnerability, so that true intimacy can be experienced.”]
In the Old Testament we’re told that if a Jewish priest did not carefully follow a certain ceremonial protocol before entering the Holy of Holies, he would die. In fact, they would tie a rope around the leg of any priest who entered, so that if they did not see the rope moving for any length of time, they could pull the now “dead” priest back out without entering and defiling the Holy of Holies. Scary stuff!
Sadly, . . .
[Tweet “Many marriages die because couples do not seek out intimacy that’s “scary good” by God’s design.”]
So how do you move into that deep place of intimacy and vulnerability with your spouse?
Here are some ways to begin this pursuit . . .
- Seek God daily and moment-by-moment, asking Christ to illuminate your heart with His truth of who and whose you are.
- Trust your mate to the Lord. If you continue to try and control or manipulate your spouse, you will stay stuck and never experience the removal of that “veil” where true intimacy with your spouse is revealed.
- Find ways to be open, confessional and vulnerable with your spouse on a regular basis. This is where the “scary good” often makes its most obvious appearance. However, if you have issues with trust or your spouse has proven himself untrustworthy, then the unpacking of wounds with the help of a professional as well as finding healing must come before the veil can be removed. Don’t make the mistake of forcing it open!
But if you’re in a marriage where progress and healing has taken place, then your next move is to . . .
- Create a daily and ongoing culture of confession by humbly taking personal responsibility. Here’s a shortened version of a self-disclosure exercise that I use in my life-coaching that can help you get this trusting climate revved up in your marriage when you practice it regularly.
- Give yourself to your mate through affection and sexual intimacy—prayerfully opening yourself up to more and more “scary good” vulnerabilities. These “vulnerabilities” do not and should not include any type of coercion or abuse—like those represented by 50 Shades. That would violate the safety that is necessary for intimacy to flourish. Let the Lord be your guide in this pursuit. Reading the Song of Solomon is another great place for the Lord to open your eyes to what might be your “next adventure.”
I’ll be the first one to say that I am not “swimming” in the deep or “scary good” end of this pool. You could say that I still have my “floaties” on! But I do feel God nudging me further and further out of my comfort zone and deeper and deeper into the heart as well as arms of my husband. I want to trust the Lord so much that to not go on this intimate adventure with my man would be to miss one of the greatest adventures God has designed for my life and marriage.
What are some ways you have been vulnerable with your mate—pushing into the adventure of “scary good” intimacy? (Please only share “G” rated ways!)
What gets in the way of pursuing the “scary good” in your marriage?
Now it’s time for Wedded Wednesday . . .
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