Where Scripture, Life, and Marriage Meet
I’m continuing in my video series about sloppy expectations in marriage. So sit back with your “cup of Joe” and join me for our third installment!
Linking up with – Marriage Mondays, Making Your Home Sing Monday, Sunday Stillness, Sharing His Beauty and Playdates with God
The man doesn’t have a crystal ball. If I can’t figure out how to respectfully let him know what I want and need, I will be beyond frustrated. And he will be completely clueless. And our relationship will go nowhere.
Fast.
Love these Sunday chats, Beth!
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Gary and I have had many of those frustrated moments in our 27 years of marriage, Linda. I do hope that young couples will pay attention to these scourings from the distant shores of my marriage. There are many gems that I would have been blessed to have found and been taught when I was young. But then, sometimes you just have to go through the trouble in order to find that pearl of wisdom. Well, at least if you’re a hard-headed type like me! I’m glad these videos give you a sense of the two of us having a chat over our cups of Joe. Hugs, my friend!
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My husband was listening in while I was playing your video. We had a big laugh because in our home he probably speaks 27,000 words a day. I know that’s not the norm though. He’s quick to remind me I “say” my words in writing. I love this series and am looking forward to more. ~Pamela
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My hubby could be described as that same way. Sometimes he gets going and no one in the room talks more than he does! ha! But I think in those heart to heart moments there are often differences in the content most husbands talk about … at least that’s been true in my experience. I do know there are husbands out there who are the exception to this typical rule, so that may be what best describes your hubby, Pamela. And if so, then you, my friend, are blessed!
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It’s interesting that we do often want our spouses to respond like our girlfriends, but that’s not the way they’re wired. I always tell my daughters that they need to keep their girlfriends because even when they have a best male friend (spouse) in their lives, they’ll still need women too. 🙂 I’m thankful for the role that my women friends play in my life; it takes a lot of pressure off of my husband! Good words of wisdom here, Beth (again).
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Your video came at an excellent time. It seems like perhaps I have been expecting too much from my husband. I thought all these years that expecting a lot meant I was optimistic and seeing him as God saw him.
Please write more on this same topic. Every women will be blessed by it.
Question for Sharon, or you – How does a man get in touch with his feelings, to deepen our conversations? I refer to this as talking spirit to spirit, but I can’t verbalize this anymore. My husband and I are missionary pastors to Mexico.
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Hi Deborah, thanks so much for your encouragement to me. I am so glad to hear that this helped you. As far as how to deepen conversations with your hubby, I’ve decided to do my next post on that subject. I think it is a very common issue that wives struggle with in their marriages. You may have a verbal husband, but even then there’s often a disconnect with his emotions. I say that and realize that many women also have this disconnect. We’ve not really been taught in our culture how to cultivate an emotional awareness or understand how to articulate our emotions in a respectful and authentic way. So I hope you come back by. The post will be published later this evening. 🙂
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Dear Beth
Very good video: it came over as quite raw and direct. Fresh.
I have left expectations behind I think. I try and listen and provide but I wouldn’t seek emotional support. I am more closed up than I used to be — not just emotionally.
That’s my words for today used up 😉
David
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[…] to Deborah for commenting on my latest video, which you can find here. This post was my attempt to answer her question. So don’t forget that your comments and […]
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I love watching your videos, Beth. So fun to see and hear you :). This is a great topic and one that resonates with me. Very good advice too. One thing I have found that my husband wants to converse a lot about is his work and it’s very important to him to share that with me. I know it’s different for everyone and I’ve enjoyed reading all the perspectives here.
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So how does a woman stay close to a man if he doesn’t talk heart to heart? I’ve mostly stopped trying to talk to him, at least about anything meaningful. He doesn’t seem to mind. I don’t understand how to be close in a satisfying way.
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Hi Kat, I did do something of a response to this very question you have at the post that immediately followed this one – http://www.messymarriage.com/but-what-do-you-feel-about-it-and-linkup/
Check it out for ideas on how to encourage conversation without being too pushy about it. 🙂
Also, don’t give up on working on your marriage. If you do, that’s often the “kiss of death” to your marriage. Just work smarter by relying on God to fill you up when you feel empty.
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