Oh my! Today I’m tackling a tough one, people!

Myth #6 – If I forgive, my offender must recognize his/her wrong against me, or it’s invalid or not “total forgiveness.”

There’s a line of thought, especially in some Christian circles, that believes forgiveness is …

“A commitment by the offended to pardon graciously the repentant from moral liability and to be reconciled to that person, although not all consequences are necessarily eliminated.” -Chris Braun*

In other words this opposing view says that my forgiveness is invalid or incomplete unless my offender repents first.

Much of the biblical support for this idea is found in Luke 17:3-4,

“So watch yourselves. If your brother sins, rebuke him, and if he repents, forgive him. If he sins against you seven times in a day, and seven times comes back to you and says, ‘I repent,’ forgive him.”

Now, I’m no theologian and I’m not even going to try to “exegete” {Big Seminary Word!} this verse or the many other verses on forgiveness throughout the Bible, but I will say that this verse seems to be “describing” a situation and not necessarily “prescribing” a particular formula to follow like the one below …

Victim’s Pardon + Offender’s Repentance = Total Forgiveness.

I believe that in Luke 17:3-4 Jesus is describing a common situation for all us in which our offender repents …

• And the obvious Christ-like response is to extend forgiveness.
• And if our offender doesn’t repent, we are to extend forgiveness.
• And if our offender sins seven times in a day and comes back repenting seven times—which to me indicates that the offender really isn’t taking his repentance too seriously—we are to extend forgiveness anyway.

I believe that …

[Tweet “Forgiveness is graciously pardoning another sinner because Christ pardoned the sinner I am.”]

I also believe my forgiveness of my offender is complete when I lay my hurt down before God.

• It may seem like I’m not taking seriously my offender’s sin. Crazy thought, but no, I’m not, and you can read more about that here and here.
• It may seem like I’m omitting “confronting my offender” with his/her sin. Again, I’m not. You can read more about that here and here.
• It may seem like I’m not working toward reconciliation with this approach. Not a chance! I’ll be addressing that myth {#7} in two weeks.

 

I am saying that my forgiveness of another is not dependent upon my offender’s repentance.

However, I do believe reconciliation is dependent upon repentance.

 

I also don’t believe God makes our offender’s repentance the doorway we must go through to reach complete forgiveness. 

 

That would mean my ability to obey God is dependent upon the cooperation of another human being!

 

Besides, the idea that I’m to “forgive as Jesus forgives me because God only forgives those who repent” is not an equal comparison.

I’m a sinner. You’re a sinner. I have no right to hold on to my resentment. Christ had every right, but He laid down His rights {Philippians 2:6-8}. Come to think of it, He extended forgiveness even before {Rom. 5:8} we repented and not as a contract where, “if we repent, then he’ll die on the cross and forgive us.”

Truthfully, I believe these opposing viewpoints are basically using different terms to describe the same thing. I simply separate forgiveness as a choice that God commands of us from reconciliation, which may not be possible {Rom. 12:18, Luke 12:58}. I think forgiveness is complete without my offender’s repentance.

Is it ideal to forgive and reconcile? Sure, if our offender repents! But then I’m talking about “reconciliation,” which I believe is “built upon” the foundation of forgiveness.

Nope, I’m not going to hesitate to walk through that doorway of God’s grace and extend forgiveness! Not when Jesus is the sinless One who went through that “door” for me. 

 

What do you think? What do you agree with or not? What thoughts do you feel should be added or changed?

 

Tell us about a time when you felt unable to forgive because your offender wouldn’t repent …

 

Click on this link to go to the previous post in the forgiveness series, Does Forgiveness Forfeit Protection?

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Joining with  Works for Me Wednesday, Marriage, Motherhood and Missions,  To Love Honor and Vacuum, Whimsical Wednesday and Wholehearted Wednesday

*Taken from Chris Braun’s Unpacking Forgiveness. I want to add that even though I disagree with this author on this aspect of his interpretation, this is a helpful and biblically-based resource on forgiveness.

 

Other books on forgiveness and reconciliation  that I recommend are:

How to Forgive When You Don’t Feel Like It by June Hunt

Forgiving Our Parents, Forgiving Ourselves by David Stoop

Beyond Boundaries by John Townsend

Forgiving and Reconciling by Everett Worthington

Safe People by Henry Cloud and John Townsend

 

Now it’s time  for Wedded Wednesday!

Grab our new button! I’ll be adding the code box soon, but until then copy and paste into your posts.

WW rules:

Write in any way that is uplifting, helpful and spiritually encouraging to our lives, marriages and families.

1. Enter in a permalink directly to your “blog post” and not the main URL to your blog.
2. Be sure to include a link to “Wedded Wednesday” or add the WW button (old code is in MM’s footer) to your current blog post and/or sidebar.
3. Visit and comment on at least one other person’s blog that’s linked up here.
4. Please no offensive or inappropriate content or sexually explicit images!

Optional but encouraged:

1. Consider setting up your Gravatar profile and Disqus Profile with a link to your blog … it makes it so much easier for all of us to find those of you who blog!
2. If you have the time, visit those who visit your blog and comment at their place as well … sort of a “Say it forward.”

 

I’m having difficulty getting to the blogs of everyone who’s linked up here, even though I really wish I could get to all your beautiful places around the web. So if you’d like me to visit your blog, please comment at MM and I will try my best to visit you as well! Thanks, friends!

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