The 7 Biggest Myths of Forgiveness

I’m continuing my forgiveness series in the coming weeks by giving greater clarity to the myths people often embrace about forgiveness.

7 Myths of Forgiveness

If I forgive, I will immediately and automatically feel better.
If I forgive, I won’t feel hurt or angry again, no matter how many times my offender reoffends.
If I forgive, I am saying that what my offender did was okay.
If I forgive, I let my offender off the hook of responsibility.
If I forgive, I give up my right to protect myself.
It’s not real or “total forgiveness,” unless my offender asks for my forgiveness.
If I forgive, I must reconcile with my offender.

In the days and weeks to come I’ll be unpacking and explaining each of these myths. In my next post this coming Wednesday, I will be writing on the first two since they are so interrelated, so I hope you come back!

What myths could you add to my list above?

Which of the myths are you most interested in hearing about?

Since I’m going through radiation treatment, I’ve not been able to read everyone’s posts linked up here at Wedded Wednesday. But I did read some of them and I want you all to know that I’ve ALWAYS gotten something from every one of you when I visit your blogs! I feel like I have some of the best bloggers on the block join me here weekly!

But today I want to highlight three bloggers from this past week’s link up that really caught my eye. I’ll be selecting specific bloggers who link up here on Wedded Wednesday at least once a month from now on to give a “shout out” and high five. So, if you haven’t already done so, check out three of my faves below!

My Wild Imagination by Darby Dugger
8 Ways to Improve Your Marriage by Ugochi Jolomi
Kisses in the kitchen and how not to have sex … by Sheila Kimball of Longings End

Click the link to read more posts in this Forgiveness Series.

BethSteffaniak

January 19, 2014

False Beliefs, Forgiveness, Forgiveness Series

18 responses to “The 7 Biggest Myths of Forgiveness”

Linda@Creekside

January 19, 2014 at 10:18 pm

Great stuff, Beth! We take the pressure off ourselves when we give grace in allowing that forgiveness is often a process and not a one time event. And if or when reconciliation does come, it’s often after a length of time where we can see that the offender’s ongoing fruit truly is in keeping with repentance …

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Ugochi

January 20, 2014 at 8:35 am

Very true Beth, forgiveness does have all these myths about it. Until we bust them out of our thoughts it would be impossible to forgive like God has demanded.
Thanks for highlighting Teshuva here, I am blessed by it. Do have a super blessed week ahead!
Love

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Mary

January 20, 2014 at 2:24 pm

The 7 myths of forgiveness are “spot on”. As I tried to brainstorm others, my mind provided no new ideas but a realization that as easy as it is to say “I forgive you” the truth of those words carry with them so much baggage. I’m especially intrigued with #3 and the “Why” behind this myth. Knowing my own stubborn soul, I imagine that letting go of the control in a situation can contribute to this. Blessings and prayers today and this week!

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Lisa notes…

January 20, 2014 at 3:40 pm

Ouch. I’m currently trying to forgive someone, so these are hitting a little too close to home. The myth I’d add (just a variation of yours) is this one: “If I forgive, they won’t understand how much they hurt me.” As if the grudge I’m holding is making them aware of my pain *they* caused… Sigh.

Thanks for your faithfulness to blogging even through your fatigue. But go easy on youself! Love you and continuing to pray for you often.

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1. JosephPote
  
  January 21, 2014 at 12:41 pm
  
  Lisa, in my experience, their understanding how deeply they hurt me is not essential to my forgiveness, but it is essential to to the health of the relationship. If the pain and loss goes unrecognized, the relationship doesn’t continue to grow and mature.
  Sometimes, that okay. Sometimes, I’m okay with forgiving, knowing I will likely never have a deep intimate relationship with the offender.
  Other times, the relationship is important enough to me, to push thru and do what it takes to help them understand, so we can grow again.
  Of course, this relaization carries the responsibility of knowing that also means I need to seek to really understand and express pain I’ve caused others, in meaningful relationships.
  
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sheila @ LongingsEnd.com

January 20, 2014 at 4:46 pm

You have covered most of the major myths, Beth. This will be an excellent series as unforgiveness can keep us in prison and hold us back from moving forward into what God has for us. Praying for you, too, for your energy levels and for wisdom. With love and hugs to you…

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Mia

January 20, 2014 at 6:04 pm

Dear Beth
I am very glad you are doing this series on forgiveness. I have found that especially the religious people can use this as a way to cover-up so many hurt and wrongdoing. Then the victim of the offense has to go through the same kind of offense again and again. Even though our Pappa has forgiven the human race for their sins, He doesn’t force a relationship with Him down our throats. And unless He gives us grace to forgive, we will never be able to forgive one another from the heart.
Blessings and love XX
Mia

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Andrew Budek-Schmeisser

January 20, 2014 at 8:23 pm

On other thought – forgiving oneself. The hardest forgiveness of all.

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Nancy Sturm

January 20, 2014 at 11:25 pm

You are so faithful to share your knowledge on your blog even while undergoing treatment. I pray the treatment will be effective and go easy on your body. God bless!

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JosephPote

January 21, 2014 at 12:34 pm

An excellent list, Beth! I’m looking forward to reading this series.
Forgiveness of deep wounds looks a lot different from what many of us have believed growing up. It’s not the same as mutually apologizing with a sibling for both acting selfishly in arguing over who gets the last half-cup of milk in the jug.

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David Rupert

January 21, 2014 at 4:48 pm

Another myth….If I forgive, all the other parties will forgive as well

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What does Being "Pro-Life" Mean to You?

January 22, 2014 at 5:10 am

[…] with Wedded Wednesday, Faith Filled Friday, and Marriage […]

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Darby Dugger

January 22, 2014 at 5:12 am

This series is so incredible. Much needed in my own life, for sure. Thank you for featuring “My Wild Imagination” Blog post. Also, praying for you as you are undergoing treatment. Praying that God will heal you completely in every way.

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Myth 1 & 2 – Forgive and Feel Better? | Messy Marriage

January 26, 2014 at 11:20 pm

[…] This is #9 in Forgiveness Series. Click link to access #8 – 7 Biggest Myths of Forgiveness […]

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Elizabeth

January 27, 2014 at 12:50 pm

Thanks for joining with Marriage Monday this past week. This was an excellent post! I love the way you exposed the myths about forgiveness, especially the one about letting the person we forgive “off the hook.” We think we are punishing them when we hold onto forgiveness, when we are actually punishing ourselves. I love the quote about unforgiveness being like drinking poison and waiting on the other person to die!!

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1. Elizabeth
  
  January 27, 2014 at 12:51 pm
  
  Ooops! I meant to say we think we are punishing them when we hold onto UNforgiveness! 🙂
  
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March 19, 2014 at 2:24 am

[…] I’m addressing Myth #7 taken from my post, 7 Biggest Myths of Forgiveness, “If I forgive, I must reconcile with my […]

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Does Forgiving Require Reconciling? – Messy Marriage

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