Being willing to look at where you are broken can be a scary and intimidating task. But it can also be the key to unlocking your spouse’s heart and the marriage gridlock you’ve been facing.
I know, because it wasn’t until I really took a serious look at my heart that I was able to bring the broken pieces to Jesus, where He began to mend, redeem and heal the brokenness of my marriage.
And I’m not just talking past tense here! This is a moment-by-moment search by God that I must yield to every day.
The reason this is key to unlocking our spouses’ hearts is because of the way it shifts our perspective.
I must confess, I’ve struggled with self-righteousness (broken area #1). Whenever I cling to the illusion that I am better or “less sinful” than my spouse—no matter how big his sins are compared to my own—I will remain stuck and bound to swim in the messy marriage waters.
But as soon as I recognize that sin is sin and that I am not better or more acceptable to my Savior than any other person, then I feel His grace and love filling up the cracks in my heart. It is then that I am free to fully and completely love my spouse as the flawed and sinful human being that he is … because Jesus loves me—the flawed and sinful human being that I am.
So ask God to do a careful examination of your heart. Maybe you’ll find pride like me or maybe you’ll see insecurity (my broken area #2) or maybe it will be laziness (check that box for me as well) or a sense of entitlement (ugly to admit, but “yep!”) or lust (do we really have to go there?) or greed (Ugh!) or perfectionism (What? Isn’t that a good thing?) or self-deception (uh-oh!).
I may sound like I’m kidding, but in all seriousness, these are pieces that are broken in me. I know the list could go on and maybe you can identify with me as well. But maybe you fear that if you allowed God to peek inside your heart, you might just feel like throwing in the towel. It’s so much easier to focus on your spouse’s sin than your own, right?
But the beautiful thing is that as we confess and turn these broken areas over to our Savior, He is able to transform us like never before!
It’s like the broken glass that the Master Craftsman turns into a beautiful mosaic for His light to shine through!
I’m not going to lie … it’s a painful process.
But it will open your eyes and transform you and your marriage.
It will give you the ability to forgive your spouse as you find yourself at the foot of the cross—both in need of Christ’s forgiveness.
So, will you do it? Will you let Christ reveal where you’re broken?
If so, what broken areas has He revealed? (Did you know there’s healing in confession?!)
How have you seen Christ heal your marriage after giving Him your brokenness?
“If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.” –1 John 1:8-9 (NIV)
“He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.” -Psalm 147:3 (NIV)
Photo by Louise