8 Questions – Knowing When to Confront

There are times when we should address a problem and times when we shouldn’t. Often there is confusion about just when or if it’s right to proceed. Here are 8 questions or areas of concern to consider when you’re at that crossroad. My prayer is that they might bring you greater clarity on when to confront and when to surrender the situation to God …

  1. Have you prayed about if you should respond? Do you feel God nudging you to talk to your spouse or to wait and let Him deal with your spouse?
  2. Have you prayed about how to respond? Have you given yourself time to calm down and have a sense of God’s leading in what to address?
  3. Is the person under unusual stress or bothered by some recent event? Would addressing the issue now get lost in the chaos of the moment?
  4. Is this a recurring pattern where the person may be unaware of the negative impact it has on you?
  5. Have you given your spouse time to calm down? Are you feeling impatient to find resolution rather than caring for the relationship?
  6. Have you sincerely and completely acknowledged and apologized for your part? Is that a step you should take before confronting?
  7. Have you taken the time to envision and empathize with what your offender might have felt during the conflict? Is your compassion for you spouse equal or even stronger than your anger?
  8. Have you discussed the offending actions/attitude with your spouse before and feel confident that he/she knows how you feel? Would confronting again be the best motivator for change?
BTW, please pray for me as I am attending the Exponential Conference being held in Orlando this week. I’d also appreciate your patience with me in replying to comments and visiting your blog. I plan to do it, but may be a bit delayed! Thanks so much!

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10 responses to “8 Questions – Knowing When to Confront”

  1. These are great questions Beth. I am very much a work in progress in most! 🙂 I do try to strive to process before trying to confront. My mouth gets ahead of me sometimes..(and that’s where the “work” is 🙂 ) but I’ve learned the value of processing things first. Thanks so much for these reminders.


  2. Sherry- Intentionally Yours Avatar
    Sherry- Intentionally Yours

    LOVE this list of questions! Everything we say and do comes back first to the condition of the heart. I love the parameters our pastor sets for conflict/confronting: Right time, right place, right spirit, right person. Thanks for sharing this list!! I may have to share it over at Intentionally Yours…


  3. A list, Beth! Is this just for me? 🙂 I love lists!My focus has become #3. My husband is what I call “a huge stress ball”. Someone or something is always squashing him. He does not handle stress well, and discussions can quickly move to arguments if I forget about his stress.How can I forget? When stress plays a part in almost every hour of life, a spouse living with the stressed person grows accepting, numb and/or oblivious to it. That’s where the questions you’ve posted help most.


  4. Megan@DoNotDisturb Avatar

    I’ve been thinking a lot about the subject of confrontation recently. Though confrontation is an important part of all healthy relationships, this list of questions is a great list to run through as a gut check for motives and discerning the correct timing. I will keep this in my back pocket so to speak and refer to it again. Thanks for sharing!Megan


  5. Gaye @ CalmHealthySexy Avatar
    Gaye @ CalmHealthySexy

    Thank you, Beth. These are wise questions, and ones I definitely need to keep in mind. Praying for safe travel for you and a great time at the conference.


  6. Orlando, what fun! Thank you for this thoughtful list, Beth. So often I react impulsively rather than prayerfully.


  7. Thanks to you, Beth, I am working hard to grow in this area ;o)Pam


  8. OutnumberedMom Avatar

    Beth, you’re only three hours from this Florida girl! Hope you’re enjoying the conference.


  9. Great post and checklist, Beth. I know I don’t always think through these things before trying to work through difficulties. Thanks for the reminders. I hope you enjoy your conference.


  10. […] “8 Questions – Knowing When to Confront” by Beth, Messy Marriage – determining when to confront a problem and how to do it in love […]


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